Losing friendships.....

LegacyUser

Hi all,

As seems common when you get to a certain stage, I am at a point in life where my family has begun to take more importance and you have less time to meet with friends. While my priorities now rest with my wife and child, I do still have free time now and again to meet up with my friends. The problem however is that my group of friends from school and college are also starting families and have their own lives going on and we are all losing touch. It is now getting to the point where the only time we actually see each other is at a wedding or very occasionally at someone’s birthday. It is nearly at the stage where when we do meet we are initially making small talk for a while as we haven’t seen each other for so long and have nothing to talk about. This soon fades though and we usually end up enjoying each other’s company as we always would have in the past.

While I appreciate that, like me, other things are going on in each of their lives, I seem to be the only one who is concerned with losing touch with each other. While I can’t force anyone to meet up if they don’t want to, I don’t understand how others are happy to have their lives focused purely on their families. I would imagine that a healthy relationship and a healthy home life to raise children would involve both partners also having their own time away from the home where they can meet friends. As much as I love my wife and child and they will always be my priority, occasionally I do need my own time away from them, however I am now finding it next to impossible to find anyone to share that time with.

My questions is, have others experienced such things when they get to that stage in life? Did you eventually lose touch altogether with friends? What do people consider a healthy balance between home life and having your own time away from your family?

People may suggest joining a group etc. However I am not really looking to create a whole new social life, merely to spend time and chat with people I know. Or is the bottom line that once you get to this stage, you just accept that you only will see friends at weddings, birthdays etc?

Interested to hear anyone’s input…..

Typer Monkey

I think that as groups of friends get older and start having children the way they spend time together has to change. I'm in the same position now as my friends and I are in our late 30s and most of us have small children. We used to be able to regularly meet up for drinks but the reality is that it's not just getting out for the night, I can't indulge the hangover all day the next day anymore either.

Like you we really only have big nights out at weddings etc. instead we try meet up in the daytime now with the kids in tow. It means we can still meet regularly but in a way that reflects our changed circumstances. We go to the playground, play zone, meet for coffee in each other's house, have picnics in the summer..you get the picture. Could you start doing something like this? Do your children play the same sport? Could you meet up at training/matches etc?

Friendships that last need to change to reflect your circumstances. I've friends that I've had since I was 5 years old but equally there's been friendships that have gone by the wayside because they were of a certain place and time in my life (school, college, various jobs) and they didn't adapt to the next stage in my life and fizzled out.

fizzypish

I'm not at your stage in life as of yet but it seems like you'll have to plan out your time. Meet up for play dates with the kids, have dinner at each others house, stuff like that I suppose. Meeting up for pints or going for a puck about are things that may be a bit harder to accomplish as you can't include the rest of your family in it. Like I said, I'm at a different life stage so take this with a pinch of salt.

LegacyUser

Your doing the right thing keeping in contact with your friends.
It is not always easy when your children are babies or small but as they get older you will have some more freedom. I have several friends and family members with children.
Most of them ring there friends. They meet up as family groups for days out ie picnics ect.
Also at this stage the friends kids like meeting and playing with other children.
As there children got older they had more time to meet up with friends for nights out or an odd night away.

I would agree that it is important that both you and you wife to have time away from home to met friends. It is important to have adult conversation and have a laugh about thing you did/said in the past which friends will remember.

Some times you lose contact with people because your at different life stages. I am a single woman and a few of my friends have children. I ring them at night when I know the kids are in bed. I would also met up with them during the day. I found as the children got older we would meet up more often.