Back to school, and dreading it

LegacyUser

Am I the only teacher who's dreading going back tomorrow?

Usually I dread Sunday nights but I'm absolutely fine as soon as I'm standing in front of the class having the banter at 9.01 am. But this Sunday night is the worst of the year, it's when I search online for a different career and second guess myself about teaching. I do googles on teachers who have given up their careers and so much else just looking for a way out. It's as if a big dark cloud has been hanging over me for the past couple of weeks and it's at its worst now. I'm thinking of all the negative incidents during the past year and they're adding up to make my return feel so much worse.

I'm looking back at the summer and wondering where it went and what I achieved. I feel overwhelmed by the penury of the profession and feel utterly daunted by my future in financial terms working in Dublin due to the exorbitant cost of renting and the strong likelihood that I can never afford to get a mortgage here. I'm blessed in that I do have a CID, but cursed in that I've invested so much in this profession that it makes it so much harder to walk away and start again now (I'm 41). I also have much more family obligations this year in the form of my first child and all the pressures that brings. In other words, even if I wanted to leave the career I can't do so financially. That my salary is in effect going to be reduced this year (because of loss of the increments) adds to the financial darkness facing me. To cap it all, I'm expected to return and do a top-up qualification at the cost of €4.5k in order to be eligible for promotion. I really, really, really do not know where I'm going to get the energy for this year - and that's even before I think of each of the kids who need me to help them and who really appreciate extra classes after school. I feel utterly exhausted all the time and this is really making the thought of engaging with 33 classes per week full of energetic students overwhelming. I just want to curl up well away from the world, rather than stand in front of hundreds of people over the course of this week.

Don't get me wrong, at a rational level I realise that, on paper, I should be grateful for many things and at some level I take comfort in the "this too shall pass" frame of mind. But the thought of going back makes me physically unwell and the financial uncertainty of sticking with this career is really coming home to me the more my bills add up. Is anybody else in a similar frame of mind about tomorrow and your future as a teacher?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I am going to move your thread to the Teaching and Lecturing Forum. You will have to log in with your registered account, or register an account if you don't have one, to reply on the thread there.

Icsics

Know exactly how you feel OP. I work in Guidance so my job has changed beyond recognition & despite spending years upskilling & a lot of my own money on different courses I find myself back where I was 20 years ago. I hate the politics of school. like you I am happiest in front of a class. I also have young kids & huge crèche bills, this year I'm taking parental leave for 6 weeks & Ive promised myself that when I go back all school work will be done in school & not brought home. Why are you expected to do a course for promotion?

2011abc

Hell yeah . Already this year I have seen examples of nasty , invidious management at work . Sometimes it seems at national , departmental and local levels being a selfish , manipulative bully who will preach 'the law' / ' best practice' while ignoring it is the main requirement / characteristic of 'leadership' .So sick of all the morally corrupt politics .

As for the future ?Well I'm hopefully more than half way through my career .So there is hope .For anyone starting at Square 1 ( not Square 3 or 4 anymore ,of course , as always was- one of the multitude of cuts the unions signed off on) there simply IS no future .Teachers who spent three quarters of their careers in a far more 'survivable' situation are abandoning the career in their droves with early retirement .
Come on , realistically what proportion of NQTs can survive a half century of this ?I reckon (well) under 10% .

The only hope is a radical change of union leadership or a new union .(Unlikely and almost impossible )

spurious

When I was teaching, the Horse Show would be the start of the feeling of dread and the Rose of Tralee would finish me off.

kermitpwee

Get out quick or reduce your work load. There is no need to give extra classes in the evening. Parents think that you cant do your job when you do this, also it is counter productive especially with older kids as they will do less in regular class time. In general you will get better results if you only use class time. Believe me I know!

acequion

OP I completely agree with kermitpwee about the extra classes.You're working a job which barely pays you survival money and you're doing extra for free!! Why on earth are you doing that? Just step back and think about that one!

Perhaps you feel pressured to do it because of this lunatic attitude that we must devote further hours of our own time doling out freebies! Well just don't allow yourself to buy into that one.You're already burned out and demoralised as it is.

I completely feel for you and am really angry on your behalf. All we can do is hope that we've seen the worst of times and that the future will be brighter.

But in the meantime,put yourself first and find a coping strategy.Even posting on here is good to let off steam. Best of luck!

icebergiceberg

spurious wrote: »

When I was teaching, the Horse Show would be the start of the feeling of dread and the Rose of Tralee would finish me off.

The last night of the proms was usually my death knell.

implausible

araisarscoil wrote: »

To cap it all, I'm expected to return and do a top-up qualification at the cost of €4.5k in order to be eligible for promotion. I really, really, really do not know where I'm going to get the energy for this year - and that's even before I think of each of the kids who need me to help them and who really appreciate extra classes after school. I feel utterly exhausted all the time and this is really making the thought of engaging with 33 classes per week full of energetic students overwhelming. I just want to curl up well away from the world, rather than stand in front of hundreds of people over the course of this week.

You sound completely worn-out and disillusioned. Why on earth would you want a promotion with more responsibility and stress, never mind forking out money you can't afford to get it? It is a choice to do this course.

If you're tired, the last thing you should be doing is extra classes. This is also a choice.

If you have a partner who is working, it could be worthwhile (in terms of saving on childcare and tax) considering a career break or taking parental leave.

RealJohn

Have to agree with kermitpwee and implausible. Don't do the extra classes. You get no thanks for them and it's a lot of extra work. I've decided to stop mine this year simply because I don't feel that my students are benefitting as much as they should given the work I put in. If they do extra themselves, I'll look at it and given them feedback but I'm not going to put the extra pressure on myself. The only extra time I'm putting in this year is for sports (and I feel like I get a lot out of that personally, as well as the benefit to the students).
I also don't think a 'promotion' will help you because you'll have more work to do and less class time (and I get the impression you enjoy the actual teaching, like most of us) so I doubt the financial reward will balance it out, though I suppose it might help ease family worries.

Regardless, look into ways to change things up. Try teaching methods you haven't tried before. Do something extra curricular with the students that you enjoy yourself. You might just need something to look forward to to balance the monotony of your other duties.

I hope it goes well for you.

Ibetit

That's too much words to me...
Anyway, I've never thought a teacher would be dreading going school. I mean maybe you need relax and reduce your work load. No work should drive one crazy but enjoy what you do.
Hope it goes well for you too