A ladies age

Greenmachine

Question for the other guys. Ladies feel free to chime in too. Why is it inappropriate to ask a lady her age. A lady asked me my age the other day. I told her it was none of her business simply because I didn't want to talk to her. I was slated for refusing to tell her my age. Is it an equality issue or not. Should men refuse to share their age too, or should women not shield their age.

Panthro

Your age is like your back account details.
Nobodys business but your own.

Morgase

I suppose it was an issue in days gone by, where if a woman was older than a certain age, then she was past it. And so, it was then considered rude to enquire about a woman's age to her face.

We're probably past all of that now, one hopes.

To be honest, I think it's rude to ask somebody who you don't know very well what age they are. Like the OP I'd be squirming away from such a line of questioning. The person the OP encountered was a busybody!

Lucena

I don't see it as much of an issue. You can generally tell to within 5 years anyway.

walshb

It's rude to ask any adult their age. Asking a woman her age is just that bit more frowned upon.

MrStuffins

Lucena wrote: »

I don't see it as much of an issue. You can generally tell to within 5 years anyway.

Yeah, but if you think a woman is 35 and there's a 5 year margin or error, you better damned say she looks 25 in case she's actually 30!

Lucena

Having thought about it, the age thing is probably different for ladies of a certain age, say 30 to 40. Asking someone their age can come across as a 'and you don't have kids yet?' comment.

Bafucin

Greenmachine wrote: »

Question for the other guys. Ladies feel free to chime in too. Why is it inappropriate to ask a lady her age. A lady asked me my age the other day. I told her it was none of her business simply because I didn't want to talk to her. I was slated for refusing to tell her my age. Is it an equality issue or not. Should men refuse to share their age too, or should women not shield their age.

It's your business no one else's.

I felt it going back to college a few yrs ago. I am in my mid to late thirties but I look younger. It was kind of like 'well what are you doing here?'.

There is no should. Do what you want. It's one of those white lies you are allowed.

FunLover18

Why would anyone be interested in how old you are, unless you mention something about your childhood or something which doesn't make sense with how old/young they thought you were. You learn absolutely nothing about somebody from their age. At the same time, why bother hiding it, sure it's on all our important documents. It's like not telling someone your name, in fact your name is more important. I'd have more of an issue giving my name out (my full one at least) to certain people.

Jawgap

It's just a number.

Lux23

I would have no problem telling people my age, maybe I am not old enough to be bothered by it.

walshb

FunLover18 wrote: »

Why would anyone be interested in how old you are, unless you mention something about your childhood or something which doesn't make sense with how old/young they thought you were. You learn absolutely nothing about somebody from their age. At the same time, why bother hiding it, sure it's on all our important documents. It's like not telling someone your name, in fact your name is more important. I'd have more of an issue giving my name out (my full one at least) to certain people.

The issue is that it's rude and nosy to ask. It's ok asking a young child, but an adult is a different story. Of course, sometimes you are asked because it's needed to be asked, but just asking for the sake of it is kind of rude. I wouldn't ask.

skallywag

I see no issue in asking if it's connected to the context of what may be under discussion at the time i.e. just to see if someone would have grown up around about the same time as yourself. Though for some reason ''when were you born?'' tends to sound less abrasive than ''what age are you?" (-:

walshb

skallywag wrote: »

I see no issue in asking if it's connected to the context of what may be under discussion at the time i.e. just to see if someone would have grown up around about the same time as yourself. Though for some reason ''when were you born?'' tends to sound less abrasive than ''what age are you?" (-:

I still don't see why you would want to flat out ask the person's age. An era or decade would be the way those conversations would or should go.

skallywag

walshb wrote: »

I still don't see why you would want to flat out ask the person's age. An era or decade would be the way those conversations would or should go.

Each to their own, but I personally do not find it rude at all if someone is asking me something which is going to reveal my age. E.g. I've been asked plenty of times as to when I did my leaving, or what year I graduated from college etc, both of which can pretty accurately (usually) tell you a person's age.

Sweet Rose

Men, always aim low. Even if you're lying through your teeth

walshb

skallywag wrote: »

Each to their own, but I personally do not find it rude at all if someone is asking me something which is going to reveal my age. E.g. I've been asked plenty of times as to when I did my leaving, or what year I graduated from college etc, both of which can pretty accurately (usually) tell you a person's age.

In general conversation you will come across stuff like, "When was that, or what year was the leaving cert," etc etc. I get this. I don't get the flat out asking a person their age. "What age are you?" The kind of deliberate nosy question.

skallywag

walshb wrote: »

... I don't get the flat out asking a person their age. "What age are you?" The kind of deliberate nosy question.

If it's just a direct question without any relevance to context then I would also find it quite bizarre.

woppi

Greenmachine wrote: »

Question for the other guys. Ladies feel free to chime in too. Why is it inappropriate to ask a lady her age. A lady asked me my age the other day. I told her it was none of her business simply because I didn't want to talk to her. I was slated for refusing to tell her my age. Is it an equality issue or not. Should men refuse to share their age too, or should women not shield their age.

It's another representation of ageism and for some gives another avenue to be condescending. As in, an individual could be adequately qualified to perform a task or give an opinion, but there are those out there who would use that persons age to undermine them depending as being too old or too young.

To answer your specific question, I think everyone should not shield their age, but as a consequence, everyone else should shield that person from ageism and bigotry should it occur.

FunLover18

walshb wrote: »

In general conversation you will come across stuff like, "When was that, or what year was the leaving cert," etc etc. I get this. I don't get the flat out asking a person their age. "What age are you?" The kind of deliberate nosy question.

You see I get that it's seen as nosy especially when it's a direct question, and as I mentioned earlier I don't see why anyone would ask given that you don't really learn anything by someone's age. But in order to be truly offended you would have to be very protective about your age in the first place which is the thing I don't get for the same reasons.

If someone asked me directly and out of context I will think it odd, but I'm not going to not answer the question or lie as a see no reason to hide it.

lamegerty

I don't think it's necessarily rude, it just depends on the context of the conversation during which you ask it. If it is irrelevant to the conversation most people won't want to answer because they'll just think you're being nosey, the same as if you ask them any other personal question without there being any relevance to the conversation.

Shakespeare's Sister

What's wrong with asking someone (either gender) their age in the right context? It's hardly something that's a terribly confidential thing. People will get an idea of it anyway once they get to know you.
Just seems like a hang-up about no longer being under 25. It's weird the way getting older is sometimes seen as borderline criminal.

Lucena

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

What's wrong with asking someone (either gender) their age in the right context? It's hardly something that's a terribly confidential thing. People will get an idea of it anyway once they get to know you.
Just seems like a hang-up about no longer being under 25. It's weird the way getting older is sometimes seen as borderline criminal.

It sometimes is seen that way though. Somewhere else on boards there was discussion about pubs, and someone mentioned that pub X was a bit strange, with young foreign students in there and all these 50 year old men sitting at the bar. In the context you almost got the impression that being in the presence of younger people automatically made them weird, or perverts!

JoannieG

If my age is relevant to the conversation then I've no problem giving it. What I dislike is when someone tries to guess it using probing questions -just ask and I'll tell you. As someone commented earlier, I'd much prefer to give my age than my surname at times.

walshb

The point is that many people are private as regards their age. Private in the sense that not everyone needs to know or should know. Bearing this in mind it's rude to flat out (no reason other than wanting to know) ask an adult their age. Many may not take offence, but at the same time many could. For me I wouldn't ask in case I offended someone.

Sleepy

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask tbh.

I've a friend who recently discovered his (now ex) girlfriend of almost a year was 9 years older than she had initially told him. I'd only met her a handful of times and she definitely didn't look her age, in fact, my mate only rumbled her when he saw her passport as they were boarding a flight in Dublin Airport! As it transpired, she'd been lying about a whole range of other things and he's been counting his lucky stars he got out when he did.

While some might claim it's a fairly innocuous thing to lie about, there would obviously have been serious consequences for them had they wanted to try for children at some point in the future.

walshb

Sleepy wrote: »

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask tbh.

Reasonable to ask in certain circumstances.

woodchuck

I think if you're on a first date or don't know someone very well you shouldn't ask. If you're actually considering a relationship with someone then it's good to know and fine to ask. Up until this year I haven't minded people asking me in the past, but now that I'm 29 I worry about what other people think more. Especially since once guy I'd just met asked me if I was worried about not having achieved much in my life by the time I'm 30... I firmly put him in his place :rolleyes: But people do have certain (unfounded) notions about at what age you should be married/have kids/have a house etc etc etc. So maybe I question what peoples motives are when they ask... I don't like being judged.

Emme

walshb wrote: »

Reasonable to ask in certain circumstances.

It's reasonable to ask someone's age if you are considering a serious relationship. It is vital to know somebody's age if you are considering a relationship and you want children.

However, asking someone their age when you've been talking to them for 10 minutes in a crowded bar is downright rude - that applies to both genders.

Lucena

Every time this thread is updated I think of this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUio0gU4NCY

Sleepy

walshb wrote: »

Reasonable to ask in certain circumstances.

Emme wrote: »

It's reasonable to ask someone's age if you are considering a serious relationship. It is vital to know somebody's age if you are considering a relationship and you want children.

However, asking someone their age when you've been talking to them for 10 minutes in a crowded bar is downright rude - that applies to both genders.

I really don't see what's rude about it tbh. It's no more personal a question than asking where someone is from / what they do with themselves imo.

walshb

Sleepy wrote: »

I really don't see what's rude about it tbh. It's no more personal a question than asking where someone is from / what they do with themselves imo.

Again, to you it might not be rude. To others it is. To me it is a rude and unnecessarily nosy question. Applies to a lot of areas in life. Some people find some things fine and dandy whereas others find them not so. No issue in certain circumstances, but just to ask for the sake of asking (being nosy) it is rude.

BTW, asking someone where are they from in general conversation is not as specific or nosy as asking an adult their age. I'm from Dublin/Cork/US/England etc. It's a lot more generic.

OldNotWIse

I guess it's justified if you want to make sure they're legal

(gets coat)

No, I think its because women are just generally very sensitive and silly about the whole age thing. Probably more of an issue for us than for men because our fertility is linked to our age. And also traditionally we are more objectified (this isn't a feminist rant) and more worth attached to our looks which naturally decline with age.

Shuffles into the corner to slap on anti-wrinkle cream and put the eggs on ice

Sleepy

walshb wrote: »

Again, to you it might not be rude. To others it is. To me it is a rude and unnecessarily nosy question. Applies to a lot of areas in life. Some people find some things fine and dandy whereas others find them not so. No issue in certain circumstances, but just to ask for the sake of asking (being nosy) it is rude.

BTW, asking someone where are they from in general conversation is not as specific or nosy as asking an adult their age. I'm from Dublin/Cork/US/England etc. It's a lot more generic.

TBH, I'd lean towards what OldNotWise said: it's something many women are a bit silly about.

What about being asked one's age causes such an emotional reaction of embarrassment / anger to make it a "rude" question?

I can think of a few reasons that would generate such a reaction, and all say *far* more about an individual than the number of birthdays they've celebrated:

Because they're insecure in how they look?
Because they worry so much about keeping up with the Joneses that they feel unaccomplished for the age they are?
Because they genuinely haven't accomplished anything in their time here?
Because they don't like being held to adult standards of accountability?

The last, I feel, is the most common in Irish society. Watching the group of mothers at my kids school gate that refer to each other as "girlos" when they're in their mid 30's to early 50's is both amusing (in a "how can they be so delusional?" way) and depressing (in a "how are their kids going to grow up when they have parents with Peter Pan complexes?" way). (It's not unique to the women mind, the same women tend to be married to men who spend more time in the pub watching overpaid teenagers kick a football than they do kicking a ball with their own kids).

We have utterly fetishized youth imo.

walshb

Sleepy wrote: »

Because they're insecure in how they look?
Because they worry so much about keeping up with the Joneses that they feel unaccomplished for the age they are?
Because they genuinely haven't accomplished anything in their time here?
Because they don't like being held to adult standards of accountability?

.

You can keep adding to the list. It's a personal feeling and opinion for most people. Many people see it as their business and affair and nobody else's. I get this completely. Similar to what they may earn. At times we need to divulge all sorts of information about ourselves. I also get this.

Sleepy

You're right in that there are probably dozens of other insecurities which lead people to want to hide their age but I can't really see it as comparable to one's earnings, that's akin to comparing one's eye colour with one's political or religious affiliations.