Adfvice/Help

bikemedvol

Hi There,
I apologise that this might be a bit long but need advice.
Back in the early eighties, I was abused as a young boy. Years later I met one of my abusers and went with him of my own free will and had sex with him. Around the same time I had a best friend who lived a couple of doors away from me, same school, scouts and joined army reserves and went drinking as mates. We started watching straight porn and one thing led to another and we started sleeping together. Then I started going to gay saunas but never on scene and public toilets.

Also had a healthy interest in women and slept with as many as I could, irrespective of marital status or ages. This went on for years, now I would consider myself bisexual and if on a night out on the hunt for women, if I didn't score went to gay saunas or cruising places.
In the mean time I had settled down in a hetro relationship, but in the meantime, was also having a gay relationship with an army buddy.

needless to say that four years ago I got married and before the marriage, my wife to be was talking about pas t partners and was shocked at how many women I had slept with and didn't even comment on the gay sex. Now we are living in a country town away from Dublin, money/work and commuter stress has me looking for sex with strangers male or female and thinking back to my second gay relationship and what could've been.

Its starting to affect my sex life with my wife, I had a porn addiction as well as a sex addiction. The question is after four years of marriage, I'm starting to question whether I am actually gay of bisexual, the tendencies for gay sex are there, but so are the fantasys of bisexual sex with a bi couple. Any advice or comments of a helpful nater appreciated.

azezil

What is it that attracts you to gay sex?

Healthis

You need to see a psychologist. You are a pathetic individual. I feel sorry for your poor wife. Do you realise you are putting her health at risk from Hiv/Various other STI's? Shame on you.

Annasopra

Healthis wrote: »

You need to see a psychologist. You are a pathetic individual. I feel sorry for your poor wife. Do you realise you are putting her health at risk from Hiv/Various other STI's? Shame on you.

Infracted. Please refrain from posting judgemental "advice" like this. As always moderation should be discussed by PM and not on thread

qweerty

bikemedvol wrote: »

Hi There,
I apologise that this might be a bit long but need advice.
Back in the early eighties, I was abused as a young boy. Years later I met one of my abusers and went with him of my own free will and had sex with him. Around the same time I had a best friend who lived a couple of doors away from me, same school, scouts and joined army reserves and went drinking as mates. We started watching straight porn and one thing led to another and we started sleeping together. Then I started going to gay saunas but never on scene and public toilets.

Also had a healthy interest in women and slept with as many as I could, irrespective of marital status or ages. This went on for years, now I would consider myself bisexual and if on a night out on the hunt for women, if I didn't score went to gay saunas or cruising places.
In the mean time I had settled down in a hetro relationship, but in the meantime, was also having a gay relationship with an army buddy.

needless to say that four years ago I got married and before the marriage, my wife to be was talking about pas t partners and was shocked at how many women I had slept with and didn't even comment on the gay sex. Now we are living in a country town away from Dublin, money/work and commuter stress has me looking for sex with strangers male or female and thinking back to my second gay relationship and what could've been.

Its starting to affect my sex life with my wife, I had a porn addiction as well as a sex addiction. The question is after four years of marriage, I'm starting to question whether I am actually gay of bisexual, the tendencies for gay sex are there, but so are the fantasys of bisexual sex with a bi couple. Any advice or comments of a helpful nater appreciated.

Not quite my area, but I thought I'd reply so as to mitigate some of the negativity of a previous post.

It must be very difficult to deal with the consequences of the abuse and the insecurity surrounding your sexuality, but you should do your utmost to not harm those around you - namely, your wife. Good luck.

fluffybiscuits

bikemedvol wrote: »

Hi There,
I apologise that this might be a bit long but need advice.
Back in the early eighties, I was abused as a young boy. Years later I met one of my abusers and went with him of my own free will and had sex with him. Around the same time I had a best friend who lived a couple of doors away from me, same school, scouts and joined army reserves and went drinking as mates. We started watching straight porn and one thing led to another and we started sleeping together. Then I started going to gay saunas but never on scene and public toilets.

Also had a healthy interest in women and slept with as many as I could, irrespective of marital status or ages. This went on for years, now I would consider myself bisexual and if on a night out on the hunt for women, if I didn't score went to gay saunas or cruising places.
In the mean time I had settled down in a hetro relationship, but in the meantime, was also having a gay relationship with an army buddy.

needless to say that four years ago I got married and before the marriage, my wife to be was talking about pas t partners and was shocked at how many women I had slept with and didn't even comment on the gay sex. Now we are living in a country town away from Dublin, money/work and commuter stress has me looking for sex with strangers male or female and thinking back to my second gay relationship and what could've been.

Its starting to affect my sex life with my wife, I had a porn addiction as well as a sex addiction. The question is after four years of marriage, I'm starting to question whether I am actually gay of bisexual, the tendencies for gay sex are there, but so are the fantasys of bisexual sex with a bi couple. Any advice or comments of a helpful nater appreciated.

There are four seperate strands here that you need to think about

Porn addicition and sex addicition are two seperate things, you may need a counsellor to get over them or manage the addiction.

The third thing is, your sexuality, dont be too hung up on the label just accept you are who are, an autonomous fluid individual. Like being on a boat in a storm, if you hold on for dear life you might hurt yourself but you could just go with the waves.

Lastly, decide if your marriage is worth saving (this is harsh I know). Sit down with your wife and explore the issues you are experiencing. A marriage guidance counsellor could give you good advice (I cant recommend anywhere but can say avoid Accord, its a catholic service wouldnt be best). Wives may be horrified and I dont know your wife so only you can gauge her reaction.

Please please please do not beat yourself up, humans are sexual beings . Love yourself and then tease out the issues you are having and deal with one at a time as it all takes time.

Warmest wishes