Struggle around Sexual matters

LegacyUser

Hi, I have decided to remain anonymous for this thread because it is a little bit embarrassing.

I am a male and I am in my early 20's and struggle with sex topics. I am a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl either.

I have only started masturbating around seven months ago. I started to do it to porn but I have since stopped it because I feel that it lowered my drive to go out and meet girls and although I get the odd craving, I feel a lot better in myself since I quit the porn. I would masturbate once a day but I might skip the odd day if i'm busy.

A bit of back story. I suffer from anxiety and I would be a very observant person. Combining those two means I am very conscious to any changes in myself and since I started masturbation and the short stint with porn has given me a rough few months.

Even though I am a virgin I feel like I have a very high sex drive. I like the idea of waiting until I am married but that could change when I have a girlfriend.
One reason I feel waiting until marriage would be good is because I am LOOKING FORWARD so much to having sex with a woman that the longer I put it off the more I get to look forward to it.
I also worry that if I do have sex before marriage I may regret it and wish I waited.

At the moment I feel very frustrated because I feel like I am craving the touch of a woman.

mazdaminx

Hmmm in my opinion you might be building up the first time too much. You are in your early twenties so there's plenty of time to make love. As I'm sure you know it's not like it is in the movies. You say you haven't kissed yet, I would forget about the sex for a while. I've met a few people both men and women who were later in life kissing and losing their virginity. It's a bonus I think in this crazy world.

Rubberchikken

Don't put too much emphasis on the whole thing right now.
First off get out there meeting/talking to and getting to know women.

Thinking too far ahead puts way too much pressure on a person.
It's all about getting comfortable with someone and getting to know them and having fun and a laugh. Things will fall into place after that.
And relax about masturbating. Perfectly natural thing to do:)

Taltos

Hi OP

good call on giving porn a break. It's not for everyone and for some is quite dehumanising and unrealistic. In terms of masturbation, look as much as some groups want to decry it as a sin or evil it's totally natural and once not done to excess (like most things) is a great way to learn about yourself and what makes you happy but also it releases stress and generally helps you.

As to relationships, kissing and sex, look no rush there. Weird thing I have found is when you are looking for a relationship it rarely happens, yet when you are happy alone things just click. Personally I think we give off some "desperation" signal or scent that warns off the opposite sex. Go make some friends, take up some hobbies basically get out there and learn to have fun and relax. Overanalysing things isn't good for you and as you know will just scare folk away, when you distract yourself and just have fun you might be surprised at what happens for you relationship wise.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies. Much appreciated.

My self confidence would be quite low. I have been told I am quite good looking but girls have never really paid attention to me. When I was younger I used to be really shy so I never made any connections with girls and I can't say I have one female friend at the moment.

LegacyUser

Just an update.

Recently I have felt really frustrated at the lack of interaction with girls.

I have never even kissed a girl and I feel like my sexual urges are in hyper drive and I am struggling to deal with it.

I see beautiful women on TV and out and about and it just reminds me of the fact that I have no one.

fillefatale

The Garden Warrior wrote: »

Just an update.

Recently I have felt really frustrated at the lack of interaction with girls.

I have never even kissed a girl and I feel like my sexual urges are in hyper drive and I am struggling to deal with it.

I see beautiful women on TV and out and about and it just reminds me of the fact that I have no one.

You really need to stop focusing on getting a girlfriend as the goal - you may be giving off a bit of an intense vibe that could put girls off. I'm quite shy, in my mid-twenties and haven't been in a relationship (partly by choice), but do make the effort to go out and develop some new hobbies, you could meet new friends, and perhaps a girlfriend. Work on you, and your confidence/happiness first, people will respect and admire that more. Best of luck OP!

Gatling

I get the feeling your anxiety has a part to play in all this ,
You might not even have a high sex drive at all .

You need to concentrate on building your confidence rather than worry about sex so much ,
get out there and make friends join local clubs or societies first ,
Most people's first sexual experience are usually awkward and less than satisfactory all round ,which in your current state could make things a whole lot worse .
There's no harm In watching porn and mastubating regularly it's a good way of getting some relief .
But porn can have a habit of giving viewers unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex

dgt

OP you're driving yourself into a rut. Focusing on the one thing and not getting anywhere is just going to frustrate you more.

You need to sit back, relax and have some patience. Don't make meeting women a target, make your target to have fun on a night out with friends and if you strike a convo up with a woman, well that's all the better. Then go from there

As for the first time, well you're not missing much. First one I remember was quite messy and not as fun as I'd imagined it. Don't be surprised if you are left disappointed!

Rubberchikken

some good advice from other posters.
my advice, as a female, is relax. you need to just have fun when you go out. talk to women, enjoy their company, and then see how things go.
if you're desperate, i think it will come across and no woman likes that.
just be yourself and have a bit of fun.
take care