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Wish I could control myself!

  • 14-08-2014 9:43pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I really need some advice!
    I'm mid 30's and female and single, being single is 100% because I have 2 problems.
    Firstly I've absolutely no interest in a man who's interested in me, I can actually be quite mean! Then when he clearly starts to lose interest I suddenly realise how great he is and start to like him. By that point they just don't want to know and I end up making a bit of a fool of myself by trying too hard- which of curse puts him off even more. These are normal men- not overly interested or invested just normal!


    Secondly I've realised I'm a bit unpredictable and can be moody with men too. I generally fine once the relationship gets going but I find all the uncertainty of the early days gets too much and I get really snappy and insecure. It's like a red must descends and I just can't stop myself!

    So between those two things I never give myself a chance to let things build naturally and without a doubt they end up cutting contact and walking away.

    This only started since my last long term relationship ended about 3 years ago and apart from a handful of dates I've been single since.

    I really don't enjoy being single but at the same time I'm nervous of starting something that ends badly. I'd prefer to be single than in a bad relationship.
    Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Queen-Mise
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,461 ✭✭✭Queen-Mise


    Therapy short and simple OP.

    Whatever bad habits and protection tactics you have in place regarding men are too entrenched for us to deal with here.

    Therapy will help you work out exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.


  • #3
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    talking to someone seems the way to go.
    if it's only started since your relationship ended 3 years ago, then therapy would be a great help to see what's going on.

    take care


  • #4
    Greenduck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Greenduck


    Sounds to me like you just like the drama that comes with the beginning of a relationship and are misplacing feelings of excitement with anxiety. Its this anxiety that's keeping you interested.

    You need to take a big,long hard look at yourself before you go into another one. Find out why exactly you get moody and snappy..are you like this with anyone else (i.e. family/work colleagues)? Are you happy in yourself? (secure, confident)Are you relying too much on a man to make you happy?( You cant be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself). It might be helpful to address these things before starting up something new with someone. Or are you simply expecting too much from your relationships? Would you like someone to behave with you the way you behave with them?

    You sound like you're aware of your issues which is step number one. Next step is to try and think about what YOU really want from your life and what type of person you want to be.


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