Dealing with infertility

iusedtoknow

Am abroad so can't go anonymous. Mods...feel free to move if needed.

So my wife and I were told Monday that we will be unable to conceive naturally. We have had 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy (which the doctors mercifully caught in time).

She is bereft, I am at a loss. We wanted kids so badly, and unfortunately at least on our own it's going to be impossible. My wife has been unable to leave home since Monday, I've since cancelled a work trip I was due to go on Thursday as I don't want to leave her. I've had to come into the office

However..I am at a loss, I don't know what the next steps are - emotionally speaking. We can both throw ourselves into work (we both have busy careers) but that isn't going to do either of us any favors.

My wife is strong, but losing 4 babies has made this news in a way harder to swallow. Has anyone dealt with this before? What is the way through this?

Neyite

I'm sorry for your losses.

Its a big blow to know that having your family is very likely to involve doctors and clinics, and its not an easy journey to undergo. You may need time after your losses to feel emotionally strong enough to go through it.

You and your wife need to process this in your own time. For now, just focus on each other, absorb the news and talk. Just talk to each other. Can you take a long weekend away somewhere?

We have marked our babies that miscarried. I have 3 little ornaments for my Christmas tree, one each. Others plant a rosebush or a tree, or name them. Talk about it and see what way feels right for you.

Miaireland

Is there any one that both of you could talk to? Maybe it might be worth seeing if there are any support groups nearby. Sometimes it help to talk to people who have been in the same position.

ABajaninCork

I can't offer any more advice than there is already, OP but I just wanted to say that I know EXACTLY how you and your wife feel. Sadly, I'm in the same boat and still find it very hard to bear. I really hope there is a way for you to have your family....

I'll pray for strength for you and your wife. You've been a fantastic support to her.

CaraMay

Op I'm very sorry for your losses.

I don't have direct experience of infertility but life has handed me out some very very hard knocks in the last 5 years. People deal with things differently but I like, after a period of absorbing the bad news, to try to act practically. Maybe, in time, you can research what your option are - egg /sperm donation, surrogacy etc.

This is a very hard blow and its great that you have each other. One last word of advice is to value each other and your marriage. A lot of couples crumble after bad news as they don't know how to react to each other so talk, talk, talk... Go to counselling if you think it will help. Above all spoil yourselves right now - a nice holiday, trip home etc, plus plenty of hugs and kisses. Best of luck op.

Typer Monkey

Hi OP, very sorry for your losses. There is a sub forum of the parenting forum here on boards called 'Trying to Concieve' It seems like a very supportive place and I'd say there are others there in the exact same position who might be best placed to advice, empathise and give you hope and support.

All the best