Is it OK to exclude some kids?

louish

Hi all,

We are planning a teeny wedding in Ireland- our venue holds 30 max for dinner. We want to keep it small and simple.

My sister who is 13 will be there as my bridesmaid and my fiance's niece who is 5 will be there as flowergirl. We are just inviting immediate family members, grandparents, wedding party and- at the insistence of our parents- 4 godparents and their partners.

One set of godparents have 3 teenage kids. Is it OK for us not to invite them and what is the most polite way of doing this?

We know people have 'no kids' weddings but we are worried they will be insulted if their kids aren't invited since my teenage sister and my fiance's niece will be there.

Any advice appreciated!

Sir Arthur Daley

These godparents will understand, i would if i were them anyway.

stargazer 68

OP a sister and niece are completely different to godparents children. I wouldn't even give it a second thought.

Neyite

Its pretty common for the children of the wedding party to attend, but not children of guests. So the nieces & nephews of the bride or groom would be expected.

Faith

That's absolutely fine. When you send the invitation, just address it specifically to "Mary and John smith". If they still assume their kids are invited, there's no issue with telling them firmly that there's no room for the kids.

lazygal

Most couples draw the line on having children even at large weddings. We've attended weddings our children weren't asked to while others were and it didn't bother us.

Sligo1

We had a decent sized wedding (150) with a no kids element. My husbands niece (5) was a flower girl abd she was allowed 1 friend (a cousin who was 4) Just so she wasnt bored being the only kid. Any other cousins who were teens or kids didnt get an invite. Cousins who were adults did. It might sound harsh bit I didnt care tbh! We were paying and if people gave out about it they could go jump. Tbh I think most people enjoyed being able to let their hair down without the kids. Dance floor was full all night!

Sligo1

Just to add... If there were any other nieces or nephews of our bros or sisters they would have gotten an invite. But at the time my husbands sister was the only immediate family with a child.

Milly33

As most said it is up to ye what ye want with everything but I would maybe explain to the godparents and other, even an email, rather than just sending the invite with the no kids bit on it..

My cousin had something similar but she had a huge wedding and had her kids and her sisters me thinks. But said no kids on the invites. Which was all fine but I know when I went up to the afters I was thinking there would be no kids at all and found it funny when I just saw the odd few, they had nothing to do..

Also a few people who had travelled from abroad who had to bring their kids with them then had to go and find sitters for their kids. Again I know it is their choice..

In the end of always do whichever suits

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

As most said it is up to ye what ye want with everything but I would maybe explain to the godparents and other, even an email, rather than just sending the invite with the no kids bit on it..

My cousin had something similar but she had a huge wedding and had her kids and her sisters me thinks. But said no kids on the invites. Which was all fine but I know when I went up to the afters I was thinking there would be no kids at all and found it funny when I just saw the odd few, they had nothing to do..

Also a few people who had travelled from abroad who had to bring their kids with them then had to go and find sitters for their kids. Again I know it is their choice..

In the end of always do whichever suits

I personally wouldn't be writing "no kids" on the invitations. Simply only put the names of the people who are invited on the invite. This should suffice. And for those whom it does not suffice... Well don't get me started.... Lol...

NipNip

I'd speak to the godparents to discuss prior to sending the invitation.

Milly33

Sligo1 wrote: »

I personally wouldn't be writing "no kids" on the invitations. Simply only put the names of the people who are invited on the invite. This should suffice. And for those whom it does not suffice... Well don't get me started.... Lol...

Would you just not have a lot of people ringing you then to double check if kids were and we not invited.

I was just going to finish my own bit saying once you inform everyone from day one all problems are avoided..

In the opposite side we plan to invite kids and I am going to mention it on the invites that they are invited

stinkle

IMO its grand to do as youre planning. Siblings and nieces/nephews who are young and in the bridal party is totally fine, and anyone who's put out over other children not invited is the one with the problem.

Make sure you're both singing off the same hymnsheet if people are likely to push you on it though!

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

Would you just not have a lot of people ringing you then to double check if kids were and we not invited.

I was just going to finish my own bit saying once you inform everyone from day one all problems are avoided..

In the opposite side we plan to invite kids and I am going to mention it on the invites that they are invited

We didnt have one person ring us to check whether their kids were invited. Tbh if the the kids name/s isn't on the invite most people with any sense would realise that their kids aren't invited...

Milly33

Oh ok well then grand, to be hones I thought they would be then I haven't done it already so sorted

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh ok well then grand, to be hones I thought they would be then I haven't done it already so sorted

But as you said do kinda put the word out aswell... Just incase. People did have an idea that we weren't having kids at our wedding

lazygal

No matter what you do some people think John and Jane means "and the four kids".

Matthew Gleeson

louish wrote: »

Hi all,

We are planning a teeny wedding in Ireland- our venue holds 30 max for dinner. We want to keep it small and simple.

My sister who is 13 will be there as my bridesmaid and my fiance's niece who is 5 will be there as flowergirl. We are just inviting immediate family members, grandparents, wedding party and- at the insistence of our parents- 4 godparents and their partners.

One set of godparents have 3 teenage kids. Is it OK for us not to invite them and what is the most polite way of doing this?

We know people have 'no kids' weddings but we are worried they will be insulted if their kids aren't invited since my teenage sister and my fiance's niece will be there.

Any advice appreciated!

Totally fine. No idea why everyone in Ireland thinks they have invite cousins they've never met and forking out thousands to accommodate people they don't either like or even know. The teenagers might not even enjoy it and it's your wedding not theirs, invite who you want.

Sligo1

lazygal wrote: »

No matter what you do some people think John and Jane means "and the four kids".

Lol... Thus why I said people with any sense will know!! Haha plenty who don't. That's why we kinda put word out aswell....
Just not on the invites

eviltwin

Don't see anything wrong with it either, we did the same at our wedding. In hindsight I should have invited a friend for my daughter as she was 12 at the time and a bit bored after a while. Do tell them as they might assume the kids are included.