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Girlfriends insecurities

  • 12-08-2014 6:15pm
    #1
    Noscoobie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I figured out after a few months, and was quite shocked to discover, that she has major insecurities about her body and her looks. I couldn’t (and still don’t) understand why. She is very beautiful, and has a body that most women would be jealous of, but she can’t see that, no matter how hard I try to make her see it. When her insecurities strike, she will start putting herself down and comparing herself to every woman she sees on the street or on tv. It is driving me crazy.

    One of her insecurities is the size of her breasts. When she is upset she will often say that I should love her breasts because they are small, and that I should be grateful that they are small. She will say that I don’t tell her that I prefer small breasts (even though I have in fact told her that in the past just for a bit of peace and quiet)!
    I don’t prefer small breasts, but I do love my girlfriend and find her extremely attractive. Her breasts may be small, but they are enough for me and I love them as they are. This does not seem to be enough for her though, and every few weeks she'll get upset and start pressing me to say it.....and mean it!

    I don’t like being backed into a corner like this. She is pressing me to say something that’s not true, because she has an insecurity, but she also wants me to be always honest with her! If I say it I’m going to have to keep repeating it for the rest of my life, every time she’s feeling insecure.
    So am I being overly dramatic here? Should I just tell this lie and get on with it, or would doing so just be feeding her behaviour?

    All opinions are welcome, as her insecurities are really starting to be a major downer on our relationship.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP I have spent many years being just like your girlfriend. I'm gradually getting better, but it takes a whole lot of work. I'm 30, and my insecurity, while in part has always been there, was also brought on by bad experiences as an adult.

    Your girlfriend needs to be made aware that the things she's worrying about are about her insecurities. She needs to work on them. I'm not saying don't be supportive. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell her she looks nice. She sounds like something is stopping her believing the things you say, because of something she believes about herself - most likely because of other people.

    I imagine it's very draining on you to feel like you have to reassure her all the time, but I don't know how well she'd take it bringing that into the conversation, as she may (as I would have) take it as you're tired of her and that you don't really care about her. Instead maybe try make her see that it's not good for her. Because from her side of things, it's very draining to think these things about yourself, and then to worry that someone you love is thinking the same things.

    Of course you don't have to do any of this, it's your choice. Maybe have a word with her about having some counselling to work out where her insecurity stems from - maybe some CBT to help her interrupt her own negative thoughts etc.

    There's only so much you can do to help.


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