Dirty Songs for the Pub

JohnnyBananas

Hi All,

See below. If you know something similar, feel free to share. (eg the full lyrics, key search words, youtube links). Thanks In Advance

The Muff Diver Song

(sung to the air of A Wild Rover)

I’ve been a muff diver for many a year,
and spent all my money on muff diving gear.
The goggles the snorkel the muff diving tank.
And when I’m not diving I’m having a ****.

And it’s no nay never, ( right up her skirt)
no nay never no more,
and I’ll be a muff diver for ever and more.

I went to a whore house I used to frequent
it sure beats the hell out of paying the rent.
I asked for a blow job she answered me nay
not until you’ve gone and washed that ‘thing’ today.

And it’s no nay never, ( right up her skirt)
no nay never no more,
and I’ll be a muff diver for ever and more.

I took from my pocket 10 shillings abright
and the madams’ bosom heaved in delight.
“We have old’uns and young’un sand aisans galore
and if you like men then you try that last door”.

And it’s no nay never, ( right up his kilt )
no nay never no more,
and I’ll be a muff diver for ever and more.

I returned to my parents confessed what I had done,
Me Da started swearing and reached for his gun.
I fled from his presence all trembling with fright
but I now live in Cuba and muff dive all night.

And it’s no nay never, ( right up her skirt)
no nay never no more,
and I’ll be a muff diver for ever and more,
and I’ll be a muff diver for ever and more.

KungPao

Now I go cleanin' windows to earn an honest bob
For a nosy parker it's an interestin' job
Now it's a job that just suits me
A window cleaner you would be
If you can see what I can see
When I'm cleanin' windows
Honeymoonin' couples too
You should see them bill 'n coo
You'd be surprised at things they do
When I'm cleanin' windows
In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
I'll climb this blinkin' ladder
Till I get right to the top
The blushin' bride, she looks divine
The bridegroom he is doin' fine
I'd rather have his job than mine
When I'm cleanin' windows
The chambermaids' sweet names I call
It's a wonder I don't fall
My mind's not on my work at all
When I'm cleanin' windows
I know a fella, such a swell
He has a thirst, that's plain to tell
I've seen him drink his bath as well
When I'm cleanin' windows
Oh, in my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
I'll climb this blinkin' ladder
Till I get right to the top
Pyjamas lyin' side by side
Ladies nighties I have spied
I've often seen what goes inside
When I'm cleanin' windows

---

banjo

---

Now there's a famous talkie queen
She looks a flapper on the screen
She's more like eightie than eighteen
When I'm cleanin' windows
She pulls her hair all down behind
Then pulls down her... never mind
And after that pulls down the blind
When I'm cleanin' windows
In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
I'll climb this blinkin' ladder
Till I get right to the top
An old maid walks around the floor
She's so fed up, one day I'm sure
She'll drag me in and lock the door
When I'm cleanin' windows
When I'm cleanin' windows

JohnnyBananas, you've been warned before about using After Hours' posters to help you collect material for your books.

You won't receive another warning.