Genuine or messing?

LegacyUser

Last summer I briefly dated a man that I got on really well with. The only problem was I'd just broken up with someone else and I realised that I just wasn't ready for something new. I explained it to him and while he wasn't happy he understood.
We kinda stayed in touch and would chat every few months for a little while until it drifted away again.

Recently we have started chatting again and we are talking about dating. The problem is it's next to impossible to organise anything with him!
He doesn't seem able to say if he's free on any given evening until a day or two before.
The last time was on Saturday when he asked me to do something the next morning and I couldn't. I suggested next week and he seemed really pleased but when I tried to confirm it and said I needed to know that day to make sure I was off work he stopped replying and I haven't heard back since. He read that message.
This is the 3rd time something like this has happened whee he wanders off and he just doesn't reply for days. If I text again he generally doesn't even read it for 3-4 days at which point he apologises with another excuse about being busy.
I've gotten annoyed and said I wanted to leave it and carrying on as friends but he always says he doesn't want that, can't wait to see me, just busy etc.
He does work very hard and does have a lot on but I'm really getting fed up with this lack of reply to important questions.

I'm not comfortable calling him as he does work mad hours and I wouldn't want to interrupt.

It's so frustrating and I'd love I know if people outside the situation think I'm wasting my time?

Asbury Park

Hi OP, if a potential relationship doesn't stick in the beginning and gather at least some momentum, returning to the situation, like you and this man are trying to do, usually doesn't work. There always seem to be too many questions and one or both people start to blow hot and cold, as seems to be happening with this guy, usually because deep down they realise they have too many doubts.. I'd cut my losses if I were you, it's not really anyone's fault so don't beat yourself up over it and don't be too down on him either (not saying you are )... it's a cliche but what's meant for ya will not pass you by.

Dellnum

He could feel that when he wanted you last Summer you didn't want him so now he is playing hard to get. Maybe the next time he suggests something just go and then see what happens as nothing will ever get off the ground the way things are going at the moment. Could he be dating someone else and trying to put you off until he makes up his mind ?

JillyQ

Op I could have written that post myself a few years. It is a hard situation to get out off. If I was you I would sit this man down & have a talk with Him & see where it goes from there. See if he starts making time for you if not you have your answer.

Stavro Mueller

I could be wrong of course but I've a feeling he's got another woman on the go and is keeping you on the back-burner as a Plan B. It would explain why he doesn't seem to be able to commit to seeing you until nearer to the time. The disappearing between replying to texts is another very suspicious sign. Going on about how busy you are is the oldest excuse in the book. Mad hours or no mad hours, nobody's ever so busy that they can't find a few moments in their day to send a text!

If I was in your shoes I'd stop making the effort. Even if there isn't another woman on the scene, he's not behaving like someone who's all that pushed about dating you. Don't pay too much attention to what's coming out of his mouth. Talk is cheap. Look at what he's doing - or not doing!

LegacyUser

Hi op here
Thanks for the replies everyone!

I just want to say that I'm 99% sure he's not dating/in a relationship with anyone else.
As I said in the first post we've been in touch on and off over the year and on a couple of those occasions he was dating someone and made it very clear that he wasn't single.
Even this time when we got in touch again it was as friends- we were friendly chatting for a few weeks before the suggestion of dating again came up.

CaraMay

I'd say he has the hump over you finishing it last year and is trying to get some kind of silly revenge or more likely is enjoying the mind games. He might be trying to be elusive or maybe his ego was damaged when you walked away and now he is getting a kick out of you trying to meet him.

It's not a good start up a relationship and NOONE is that busy - even Bill Clinton had the time to have an affair or two. He is trying to play with your mind so delete his number and move on as you are wasting your time. If you truly like someone you don't regularly wait days to reply to them especially if it's to arrange a meet up. Keep moving on...

LegacyUser

Op again-
Thanks everyone.
He has a second 'work phone' number that I had forgotten about.
Noticed there he's in my whatsapp contacts so sent him a message asking what the story is and if he's already seeing someone could he tell me?
No answer but I could see him coming online every 2/3 mins exactly like a back and forth text conversation. I doubt it's 'work' at this time of night.
Clearly he's seen my message and is ignoring it so I think that's all the answer I need!
I don't understand why he was arranging to meet up at all!!

CaraMay

But he wasn't when it came down to it...

An Bhanríon

I know you have answered your own question by now but I think the rule of thumb 'if he is interested he will make time' really is true. I ignored it for years until I met my fiancé and realized it to be true. He works in a mad busy job, but still always got the time to meet me, text or e-mail during the work day, etc. When somebody really likes you...