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Don't want a relationship

  • 10-08-2014 7:33pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So over the last few weeks I have gotten close to a girl and I can foresee something happening between us two but here is the thing I am not sure if I want a relationship. While I do like her and find her attractive if I am being honest I wouldn't want anything more than FWB (even if that does make me sound like a horrible person).

    So what I am wondering how should I handle this situation if something does happen?


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    You tell her the truth upfront, before anything develops - that you wouldn't want anything more than friends with benefits. If she's okay with that then... well, you are both consenting adults. But anything else and you are leading her on, giving her the impression that there is the chance of a relationship where realistically according to you, there is none.


  • #3
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    JustFriends wrote: »

    So what I am wondering how should I handle this situation if something does happen?

    Don't wait for something to happen, you need to tell her beforehand so both of you know the full story.
    Just tell her that you feel as though you are getting closer and you want to let her know that you don't want a relationship but you would be interested in a different situation. She might agree!


  • #4
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    As the others have said, make your intentions known right away. Don't leave any ambiguity about it either. I mean, don't imply that something might happen in the future relationship-wise or that you're 'not ready'.

    Say something plain and simple like 'I'm only interested in having sex with you and nothing more.' That way she can make up her own mind without you leading her on.


  • #5
    Chance The Rapper
    Closed Accounts Posts: 494 ✭✭Chance The Rapper


    Yeah be straight up front with her. Otherwise you'll hurt her. I was in a similar situation last year and I had been telling that I had dates with a few other girls etc. However when I asked out my girlfriend I let the first girl know that we couldn't continue, and she was fairly devastated, she clearly thought we were in a relationship. So be explicitly clear when you tell her


  • #6
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    "I'm not looking for a relationship right now and just into casual dating, so if you're looking for more, we should end this now."


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  • #7
    amdublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    I think you want your cake and eat it.

    Generally fwb starts with the benefits and continues from there.

    Sounds to me like you've developed a closeness, imo it is unfair to now turn around and say you're only looking for sex.

    I think you should say you are not looking for a relationship. And walk away.

    How do you think someone will feel being told you only want to have sex with them (after building up a closeness)?


  • #8
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    amdublin wrote: »
    I think you want your cake and eat it.

    Generally fwb starts with the benefits and continues from there.

    Sounds to me like you're definitely a closeness, imo it is unfair to now turn around and say you're only looking for sex.

    I think you should say you are not looking for a relationship. And walk away.

    How do you think someone will feel being told you only want to have sex with them (after building up a closeness)?

    Personally, as much as it would suck if I had developed feelings, I would appreciate the honesty and the opportunity to escape before feelings got deeper.

    Lots of guys wouldn't bother and would be happy to draw things out for their own benefit, even if their heart wasn't in it.


  • #9
    amdublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    beks101 wrote: »
    Personally, as much as it would suck if I had developed feelings, I would appreciate the honesty and the opportunity to escape before feelings got deeper.

    Lots of guys wouldn't bother and would be happy to draw things out for their own benefit, even if their heart wasn't in it.

    I would like the honesty of "I'm not looking for a relationship" full stop. And walk away from the girl.

    Rather than the insult of "I'm not looking for a relationship but I wouldn't mind just having sex with you every now and again".


  • #10
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    amdublin wrote: »
    I would like the honesty of "I'm not looking for a relationship" full stop. And walk away from the girl.

    Rather than the insult of "I'm not looking for a relationship but I wouldn't mind just having sex with you every now and again".

    Some women would view that as an opportunity. Back in my heyday when relationships weren't on my radar, I probably would have been up for that.

    It does sound like in the OP's case the lady's got feelings though. You have to go on your own read of these situations.


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