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Completely at a crossroads

  • 09-08-2014 11:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Going anon for this, it's eating me up lately. I'm 26, and have been with a great girl for almost 5 years. We're very good together, but I feel extremely...bored. I almost feel like I've met her too young. We live together, and have done so for most of our time together.

    The thing is...I feel no excitement at all. She's very pretty but she doesn't excite me sexually. I don't feel excited about going home to her, I find myself just....indifferent. But I in no way want to hurt her, as she's fiercely loyal and lovely and is always supportive and behind me. But...I don't know if I'm happy with this being 'it' for the rest of my life.

    This has been eating me for a while, and now I've also met someone who is turning my head, and I feel a spark with. I haven't acted on it at all, but when I'm home with my girlfriend, my mind is on her, not my gf. But, I still feel 'love' for my girlfriend, and don't want to risk throwing away a great relationship with her for what could just be itchy feet.

    To make it worse, my girlfriend is not from Ireland, and if she and I aren't together, she has no reason to stay here as her family are all abroad. Is it just a case of 'the grass is greener' or legitimate? I've never been in a relationship with someone this serious/long term and I don't know if this 'itch' is expected.

    I must stress, this isn't brought about my the attentions of female no. 2, she's just exacerbating it.


Comments

  • #2
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,093 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    You got together when you were young so i think totally natural and understandable to have reached this point.

    You sound like a good kind guy who doesn't want to hurt the girl you're with but while you 'love' her, as a good friend i think, only you can decide if you're in love or not in which case you need to talk with your gf.

    It may sound callous, but you don't have to remain with her just because.
    Do talk to her, it's not the easy way but it's the best way.

    Good luck


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    As a woman I would advise you to talk to your girlfriend. At 26 you don't want to hurt her but it is not fair staying with her if you know your relationship is over.
    Once you do this your girlfriend can decide if she wants to stay in Ireland or move back home.

    It is far better to end a relationship that you know is over rather then having your girlfriend think it is only a matter of time before you get married/have children.
    If you stay in this relationship your wasting your girlfriends time as you know you don't want to marry or have children with her.
    Also if your not happy at the moment you need to do this so you can move on with your own life.


  • #4
    berrygood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 181 ✭✭berrygood


    lady lady wrote: »
    As a woman I would advise you to talk to your girlfriend. At 26 you don't want to hurt her but it is not fair staying with her if you know your relationship is over.
    Once you do this your girlfriend can decide if she wants to stay in Ireland or move back home.

    It is far better to end a relationship that you know is over rather then having your girlfriend think it is only a matter of time before you get married/have children.
    If you stay in this relationship your wasting your girlfriends time as you know you don't want to marry or have children with her.
    Also if your not happy at the moment you need to do this so you can move on with your own life.

    I second this. Your gf deserves to be with someone who is in love with her, gets excited by her and wants to be with her. You deserve someone who you feel that way about too.

    It's always hard to end a long term relationship (esp when living together) but do you really want to stay in a relationship that isn't making you happy just because you don't want to hurt her feelings?

    If you feel you can work at it and get back to how it used to be, then do so. But if you know in your heart it's over, you'll only be prolonging the inevitable by drawing it out any longer.

    Best of luck with it.


  • #5
    Dellnum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 262 ✭✭Dellnum


    What could be wrong here OP is that you have been with this girl too long doing the same thing. In order for a relationship to stay interesting you have to progress on to the next stage and that stage for you both now would be to get married and have children. You are probably right when you say you met her too young, so maybe you need to break up for a while in order that you can experience other things in life before you settle down.


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