Move-in drama WHY THE ****

Overheal

Appropriately ranty title. And, appropriately ranty below.

I thought moving in with "Fraternity Brothers" would be less drama filled but maybe not! Backstory: I went back to college when I was 24, now at university just turned 27 a few weeks ago, pledged a fraternity a few months ago and everyone in it is you know 18-22 years old.

Anyway, In the spring they needed someone for a lease, their 4th man was not going to come back for the next school year so he had to get someone to sign him out of his lease. Its a 4BR, 2 upstairs 2 downstairs (oh, here)

Anyway, its not until after I've signed a lease and during which selected my room preference that 2 bros - Matt and Eddie - tell me they wanted the upstairs. This wasn't mentioned before I signed (eg. "We need someone for our 4th, downstairs BR on this lease") and the leasing company leases by the room. So the selection comes up, and I get the BR above the kitchen. They are soft about wanting me to switch rooms and I said I'd think about it when move-in happens so I could physically see the rooms.

My problem with the rooms, is this place is a 4BR with no guest bath. The bathrooms are all on the far corners of each room, so if you have guests - or throw any party - whoever has a downstairs room has guests trafficking through the whole of their bedrooms. That was problem 1 I initially had with the room. Since moving in, I noted the downstairs BR that Eddie was given has just a pretty bad layout for my personal belongings - a Full bed, corner/angled desk, etc. In the downstairs room I'd have to put my bed in the middle of the floor and rebuild my desk to be where the internet plug is on the oppossite wall - meaning people would have to squeeze past my bed and desk to use the bathroom. Thats because Corner A has a window (And lacks the internet port), B has the hall door, C has the closet door and D has the bathroom door. Upstairs the hall door is in the middle of the wall and the sockets are positioned to fit everything I own with surprising efficiency.

So I get here and I was cornered into an argument with Matt who tries to fight for the room for Eddie (who doesnt come until tomorrow) meanwhile I have all my crap in the LR.. I already told them both I don't care much about the common spaces - they can do whatever they want. They're both in band, they can set up their drumset, video games, whatever, I'm a Bedroom dweller and always have been. But he's getting very upset because instead of being seperated by 3 feet across the hall its now directly at the bottom of the stairs.

He tried to argue 3 points:

1) He could have just pulled "Initiation order" in the fraternity. He and I both know with me being a mature student and all of that, this would have in no way gotten anywhere with me, and won't. This isn't fraternity housing, and it isn't frankly a fraternity issue the way I see it. Maybe I'm wrong. But I'd sooner stop paying dues and "go inactive" or drop the fraternity before I submitted on the issue because of 'rank'. Yes, greek life is a foreign concept perhaps to most readers here, so for the most part disregard.

2) If we have parties, he will move my valuables (Desktop PC etc). Let's be clear, I don't want people fcuking with my PC, and I don't need someone moving it all the time. It's a mess to set up and disassemble anyway. He argues Eddie's stuff is more expensive than my stuff, but that includes a $4,000 Saxophone which, frankly, is much easier to move and stow than a PC. So that is moot. Matt's own drumkit is also upstairs, that is moot.

3) He would promise to personally clean my bathroom after all parties. I really would prefer to not deal with sorority girl mess in my bathroom, or the other sultry activities that have been known to go on in bathrooms during parties. The first time I found a discarded rubber, I would go fcuking postal, and I know it. Plus, you can't guarantee to clean it before I - you know, get up the next day having already used the bathroom to shower and ****.

4) They want to be upstairs together, hanging out, making noise etc. but either way up or down there will be noise from the LR or the Loft. The loft is cool and it should be a shared space. As close friends as the two are I feel like they just plan to segregate the whole upstairs bar the laundry room for themselves and I mean, I'd rather them not. But I already told them I have no real input on whats done with the space - they can use it for their drums/sax, video games, again I don't care.

SO WHATS THE PI OVERHEAL? Well Bob (and Jill) I'm at a crossroads where I don't want there to be unrest in this house but I really (really) don't want that downstairs BR. Those who read me in R&R know or can get the hint that when I'm annoyed about something I can be real pissant, and I can see myself being a right miserable grouchy fcuk in this house in that room, sad to say. I'm a roomer by lifestyle: If I'm not happy in my roomspace I am, historically, far more likely to be an unhappy person to live with both there and everywhere else. How do I proceed Boards? Eddie hasn't even contacted me since he asked on out group chat about my decision (having for weeks said I would decide today). I don't mind like kicking back some rent or something - in contrast he tried to offer me a growler of beer and/or steaks for deciding to keep the room, I figure $10/mo back to him would be fair (rent is $490 - and yes, it is steeper than I would have liked and YES, thats also part of why I'd rather not be dicked around too much having agreed to help them out as the 4th man)

And yeah I'm sitting in the LR figuring out which room I need to poop in, so just throw your feedback at me, whatever you got. Except telling me the whole situation is infantile - because I knew that already.

metaoblivia

Fellow American here (and familiar with the frat system).

As far the points Matt was arguing:

1. As you said, you're a mature student and this isn't the frat house, so "Initiation order" shouldn't fly imo. That's just a silly excuse to get you to bend to their wishes.

2 & 3. Do you really trust a young frat guy to a. move your valuables safely and b. clean your bathroom after all parties? Please. That's some BS if I ever heard it. You know you would get left with the mess.

4. If they're such good friends, they can take the staircase to see each other. And I agree with you - they probably would monopolize the gathering area. That's likely a big reason why they want the upstairs together so badly, so they can take on an extra room and avoid the downsides of throwing parties.

In my opinion, you should stand your ground and prepare to deal with any fallout from them. As a fellow "bedroom dweller," having people just walk in and out of my room to use the bathroom would drive me nuts. I would likely end up doing things like staying in my room all night during a party and locking the door so no one could get in. If Matt and Eddie wanted that upstairs room so badly, that should have been stated upfront, so that you could see exactly what kind of situation you were coming into and make an informed decision. I think the kickback on rent sounds reasonable if you want to try and lessen the fallout.

Overheal

This was 45 minutes ago? I must be stressed about this. Seems like hours ago. The amount of tension when I set up my shower curtain I tell ya.

Yeah I also talked to my best friend back home and gave her the same rundown and she said basically the same thing, that it's not something to back down on and there are plenty other times I have been and can be nice to people and even these said people.

Only confirming my decision is how cold Matt has suddenly been since the decision, gone around whispering to my other housemate Brandon about it already like he thinks I don't know what's up. Like, come on, you're basically saying your only bargaining chip is to be a dick about this - and if that's the case they should have NEVER presented it as a choice to me at all, because now they aren't happy that I chose A over B.

Eddie is still talking on our group chat like "don't worry I'll make it up to you" like he's ignoring the fact I already told him I'm taking the room. I could call him and have it out with him or wait to deal with him when he shows up tomorrow morning because in my head I feel like he already has it in his mind that he's moving into that room regardless of what I say

metaoblivia

They sound like such frat guys. And it's so immature. Honestly, I don't think I could handle that level of bullsh*t. It sounds like they're really attached to this infantile dream of taking over the upstairs, and they're so used to getting their own way that they can't possibly fathom not being able to bully you into submission. Life lesson for them, I guess!

Lillibeth

Unpack you stuff, stick to your guns. You are 27 years old...stand up for yourself. Decision made.....tough for them! Enjoy your room!

Tokyo

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but there's a certain element of "you really didn't foresee this kind of drama?" going through my head after reading that - after all, you're 27, back in college and I assume intent on concentrating on your degree, moving in with three 18-22 year old frat boys. The second issue is that it also sounds like you were trying to play the same game yourself to a certain extent - you didn't put your foot down in the beginning and say that you were sticking to the room that you were assigned as per the lease agreement - instead you said "I'd think about it when move-in happens so I could physically see the rooms", and sized up the rooms as to their suitability for your belongings, and THEN decided that you wanted the upstairs room. To be blunt, there is messing around going on from both sides here, both parties trying to get the best outcome out of the deal for themselves.

That aside however, you're entitled to the room that you are leasing, as per the rental agreement with the leasing company. After all if you were to change rooms, and your room suffered some kind of damage at the hands of your housemate, as per the terms of the lease agreement I would imagine that you would be held responsible for it should he decide to skip out on you.

TBH, if I were in your shoes I'd be looking for somewhere else, if it were possible to break the lease. This kind of drama with housemates before you even move in together doesn't exactly set the stage for a wonderful year ahead. And at the age of 27 if you're still in a situation where you're arguing over who gets what bedroom (seriously?!) then I'd be looking for somewhere of my own if possible. Privacy and peace of mind are worth their weight in gold at times.

Chattastrophe!

Why not just keep your bedroom door locked all the time? Then they'll have no option but to have their friends use the bathrooms in their own bedrooms ... even if it means they'll have to go upstairs (why would this be a big deal for them or their friends, anyways?)

Rubberchikken

wouldn't have thought 27 yo with a bunch of 18-22 yos would succeed. two different generations in a lot of ways.
these guys sound like babies.my room, my bathroom, my, my, my, it would do my head in truthfully.

could you move, get out of the lease agreement somehow and leave them to their room conundrum?

good luck;)

Overheal

mike_ie wrote: »

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but there's a certain element of "you really didn't foresee this kind of drama?" going through my head after reading that - after all, you're 27, back in college and I assume intent on concentrating on your degree, moving in with three 18-22 year old frat boys. The second issue is that it also sounds like you were trying to play the same game yourself to a certain extent - you didn't put your foot down in the beginning and say that you were sticking to the room that you were assigned as per the lease agreement - instead you said "I'd think about it when move-in happens so I could physically see the rooms", and sized up the rooms as to their suitability for your belongings, and THEN decided that you wanted the upstairs room. To be blunt, there is messing around going on from both sides here, both parties trying to get the best outcome out of the deal for themselves.

Fact of the matter is I was genuinely open to either option, and did not want to make the decision without an in-person assessment. This is the 16th move I've done to date (which means I've already hit the lifetime average, mind.) and knowing from prior moving experience, that room layouts differ for better or worse, and basic things like doors and sockets are a huge factor in how you utilize your space. As it is, the downstairs room wasn't even suitable for setting up my workstation, which is kind of a big deal when you plan for academic success.

That aside however, you're entitled to the room that you are leasing, as per the rental agreement with the leasing company. After all if you were to change rooms, and your room suffered some kind of damage at the hands of your housemate, as per the terms of the lease agreement I would imagine that you would be held responsible for it should he decide to skip out on you.

I chose not to clutter this factoid in my OP, but changing rooms on paperwork was never an issue, the office just swaps them, easy peasy.

TBH, if I were in your shoes I'd be looking for somewhere else, if it were possible to break the lease.

could you move, get out of the lease agreement somehow and leave them to their room conundrum?

No offense to you both personally, but the 'pack your bags' card is overused in PI way too often, especially in cases (such as this) where getting out of a lease is not even an option for discussion.

In other fora - like say Windows - this is like a user coming in with a small question or concern with Windows 8 and someone telling them to forget it and use 7 instead. In short: this type of help is not help, and in most cases is pretty much bullsh*t, if you want my honest opinion.

The situation is actually "I am committed to a lease and I have a common problem that many people experience during move-in to a new place, how do I address the issue" with an emphasis on addressing the issue, not avoiding it. "My roommates can't agree on how to share the cupboard space" "oh, you better break your contract incur a loss of hundreds of €/$ and in doing so probably wind up in a wildcard situation."

wouldn't have thought 27 yo with a bunch of 18-22 yos would succeed. two different generations in a lot of ways.
these guys sound like babies.my room, my bathroom, my, my, my, it would do my head in truthfully.

Oh I know it. And I knew it going in. Hopefully some maturity will rub off on them, and if not, well fck'em, there are always plans within plans don't you worry.

Besides don't all the PI regulars love to talk about how age-separated couples (for instance) can work and all that? You never worked with a younger boss or multi-generational work environments? ha.

Why not just keep your bedroom door locked all the time?

The door does lock, they just need to replace the key that either the previous tenant lost or they never issued him. I'll give them a week to produce it; downstairs roommates' parents both already saw to replacing their doorhandles/locks themselves, which feels somewhat redundant if you ask me.

ANYWHO WITH ALL THAT SAID: No update in the dispute, whatever they murmured about when I last posted, it appears to have come about that Eddie doesn't seem to mind the change in situation nearly as much as Matt did, for whatever reason. I'm judging that based on the fact that Eddie hasn't said anything about it. It means that they know there is not sense fighting about this, and they will just pick an opportunity in the future to throw it into an argument as leverage, which honestly wouldn't surprise or faze me. Now all I have to concern myself with is unpacking and trying to stop them from trying to un-organize the kitchen and worrying about how we will divide the pantry while it's still empty :rolleyes:

Est28

I'm Irish but I live in the US so I have some idea of the sorts you're deal with.

TBH, it's going to be a huge hassle now to move obviously, but it's sort of hard not to feel like saying "Told you so!".

I'm around your age, I work but I don't mind people having a party at the weekend or whatever, not a bother. But the thought of living with under-age American Frat boys at my age? I mean, I couldn't even consider it. It's hard for the Irish to understand how bad it gets but it's like their own little universe, nothing outside it matters, these fake hierarchies and leaders get the "power" as if it actually meant something in the real world... it's just weird.

Anyway, look, you knew the setup in the house. It's perfect for a few young folks working, but as a party house with no communal bathrooms? It's a terrible place, but you guys knew that in advance. You know you're a "bedroom dweller" which I totally understand myself, but again, why are you willingly entering a party house?

I mean, it says it all really... you're entering a shared house and these guys are bringing drumkits and saxophones? You'd be out on your todd in a week in most normal shared residences. I live alone but even a that my neighbours would kick up a storm if I was playing drums on our floor.

But it's pretty well established what you're getting into when you rent with students. There's the party houses and there's the quiet study houses. You know right away who you're dealing with.

I mean, were you looking for the best of both worlds? Easy access to a party (and I don't need to list the rest) on your terms and then shut the rest down when you don't want it? It doesn't work that way.

I don't know where you're going with saying your maturity will rub off on them. They're a bunch of kids, setting up a party house, ready for the "time of their lives" at college. They have zero intention of having a nice quiet house...

The pantry thing also kinda made me laugh, you know the whole kitchen, living area will be like a bomb hit it within a week and neatly separating your food won't exactly be an issue, the place will be a free for all. No need to organize your stuff, they'll probably have just eaten it all on you already.

Not trying to bash you, but I don't get your logic on this one. Not saying the lads there are right, but it's 3 against 1 in terms of what type of house they are setting up, I don't know why you insisted on being there? Find a house that suits you.

Overheal

Thank you for your contribution but basically all of that subject matter was not something I wished to discuss here - and frankly, those are issues I already considered myself 6 months ago; I have, obviously, already made my informed decisions about them, thus I don't really intend to go over my rationale on those issues point-for-point. I was not posting here to discuss the decision to move in, it was to discuss/share experiences with how to handle a conflict/resolution scenario.

There is nothing constructive to be gained from discussing why I chose to move in, or the arguments for and against; why sit here and circle the wagons about a decision that has already been made and cannot be changed now? Not only is there no point to it, but one first-day spat is not going to change the fact that I'm still reasonably satisfied with my own decision-making skills, when armed with all of the information available to me - far more information than I have the capacity to share with others on a message board, due to limitations with the medium.

If mods could please lock this, we have already covered the only issue at hand. Thank you again to everyone who took the time to give feedback or read the thread though.

Big Bag of Chips

Overheal, for future reference it would be worth noting that Personal Issues is an advice forum, not a forum for discussion/sharing. This is why posters tried to offer advice, it is what people post in Personal Issues for.

A little gratitude towards people who take time out of their day to try help you wouldn't go amiss. If you don't want advice, then maybe find another forum to share in!