Slept together on nite 1:any future with this girl?

LegacyUser

Hi! I met a really nice girl a few weeks back.. we were both fairly merry/drunk and went home and slept together: was really nice...

Anyway, we have kept in touch via Whattsapp for the last few weeks.
We are going to meet up; we havnt been able to so far because of work, family stuff etc,,,
I said it would be nice to see her again and she said she'd like to see me too..
She live just under 2 hours drive from me..

I am in my late 30's and would like to meet a nice girl.

My mates are saying; if she sleeps with you on night one; no chance of a relationship long term...

So is it possible to build a relationship out of one night of passion..
I have been thinking bout her a lot,... maybe it was just because I hadnt slept with a girl for a while..


What you guys think?

Tokyo

Ignore your mates on this one.


Set aside the fact for a minute that you guys slept together while drunk - it was in your words, a nice experience, you've been in communication for a few weeks, you both seem to have something in common and are interested in meeting up and spending time with each other... it sounds like a wonderful lead-in to a night out with someone to me. Like any budding relationship, there's no guarantee that it will work out, for a myriad of reasons, but it would be a shame to throw the chance away completely based on some preconceived notion that because she has slept with you already, she's somehow damaged goods relationship-wise.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply...
I imagine, she could have had the same thought herself:
I wonder if he has done this before etc?

I suppose some people say...if you have already slept together, it takes away the build up and excitement of getting there in the future..

I went out with one girl a few years ago and I think she had a 1/2 month progression policy..as time went on, access increased; was sorta frustrating/exciting at the time...

miamee

She could easily be thinking you are some sort of player after sleeping with her like that on day one but she is willing to meet up and see where things go and it sounds like you are too. Or you were until your mates were in your ear. If you are old enough for dating and sex then you are old enough not to do something because your friend said so.

Meet up with her again and make up your own mind

realgirl

I'm mid 30s, several of my friends are married to people they had sex with the first time they met. Your friends are full of sh1t! If you are happy to see her again, then do, and ignore your mates old fashioned, sexist and IMO rather ridiculous comments.

December2012

I know some couples who are together after 15 years who had sex on the first night.

And I know of some former couples who broke up who did not sleep together on the first night.

It sounds like you're both interested in each other, so go for it and ignore your mates!

Lux23

I slept with my partner on the first night so I wouldn't agree with your mates here.

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies...i appreciate the feedback..

Its good to know that you know people in my boat, who ended up with the other person..
In some ways, having slept with her before...it might take some the pressure off going there next time..

Sometimes if you wait too long, it can get quite stressfull...

Would the fact that she lives just under 2 hour drive from me(across the border in N Ireland) make any difference to you?
We are both mobile, single and have cars...

I am probably overthinking all of this, as I have yet to meet up for 2nd time...
Hopefully when i do, i am myself and not too eagar to please/make a good impression!

jellyboy

slepton1stnight wrote: »

Hey! Thanks for the replies...i appreciate the feedback..

Its good to know that you know people in my boat, who ended up with the other person..
In some ways, having slept with her before...it might take some the pressure off going there next time..

Sometimes if you wait too long, it can get quite stressfull...

Would the fact that she lives just under 2 hour drive from me(across the border in N Ireland) make any difference to you?
We are both mobile, single and have cars...

I am probably overthinking all of this, as I have yet to meet up for 2nd time...
Hopefully when i do, i am myself and not too eagar to please/make a good impression!

you are giving yourself the answers ..

don't worry about anything,its all going to work out the way its meant to be..

use your heart to find your way

December2012

slepton1stnight wrote: »

Hey! Thanks for the replies...i appreciate the feedback..

Its good to know that you know people in my boat, who ended up with the other person..
In some ways, having slept with her before...it might take some the pressure off going there next time..

Sometimes if you wait too long, it can get quite stressfull...

Would the fact that she lives just under 2 hour drive from me(across the border in N Ireland) make any difference to you?
We are both mobile, single and have cars...

I am probably overthinking all of this, as I have yet to meet up for 2nd time...
Hopefully when i do, i am myself and not too eagar to please/make a good impression!

I think you are - but maybe its cos you like her and you would like it to work?

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies..

I often say to family & mates that I am happy single..
Most of my mates are married or in relationships...I dont necessarily want marriage, kids, settled life..

I like my freedom and independence, but i am probably a little lonely and would like a girlfriend to spend time with and just have some fun...

No pressure on this girl eh!!

LegacyUser

Hi again! Just looking for a bit more feedback.. so I battle anxiety and a bit of ocd too..I have managed this well over the years: but it has been tough!
I have been ssri meds for the last month or so & feel more alert and clear minded..the other side of that coin, is that i feel a bit more nervy and anxious..
I manage my anxiety with meditation and lots of exercise and just try to be myself and if i'm a bit anxious: i just accept it and go with the flow..

So after a few weeks of whatapping..i am meeting this girl either up in her town or down in Dublin; i am looking forward to it; but getting a bit nervous..

Any advice about how to deal with this and how to approach things with her this weekend?

Appreciate your feedback!

Ambersky

You slept with someone on the first night Op.
Could anyone expect to have a future with you?

If the question is real for you its real for her, otherwise it a real case of double standards.
Do you think she should give you a chance.

Lola18

Relax and enjoy your time with her, dont overthink things just be yourself!

The first day I met my oh we slept together (neither of us were even drunk). Bothe thought that was it nothing more woulfd happen it was just a bit of fun. Were nearly 6 years together now.

Mr. Incognito

Best of luck. Just try and listen to her would be my advice. People talk about themselves too much.

Dont try and impress her. Just listen.

Big Bag of Chips

Thread locked as OP has the same one open in Relationship Issues