To settle down or not

LegacyUser

I'm in my mid twenties and for the last couple of months I've been struggling with the idea of settling down. It's something I spend a lot of time worrying about.
When I was younger I didn't want to settle down at all. I was going to travel the world, live the most amazing experiences and not worry about tomorrow. Then for a few years I became very much a homebird. After a couple of years abroad I came back to go to college, made good friends and didn't want to leave. I was still the same person but I wanted to have a place I could call my own, make a home, adopt some pets, have solid friends and prepare for my future.

Now I'm about to move to England for work and after losing a lot of friends here (just through drifting apart and emigration etc) I'm delighted to have a fresh start. But I just can't seem to strike a balance between my desire to settle down and my desire to move around. There are so many things I haven't done yet, places I haven't been. I love meeting new interesting people and having friends all over the globe. I find travel enlightening and there are several countries I'd always dreamed of living in (and could easily move to without compromising my career). On the flipside, travel can be very isolating, I often come home to find I have half the number of friends. I really want my own home but don't want the responsibility of owning somewhere if I'm not there half the time. I love animals and have been dying to have a pet of my own since my childhood dog passed away last year but I can't do that if I'm moving around or going to be away for months at a time. I also want to prepare for having children and have been seriously looking at fostering, though I will be waiting a few year but it's something I'd need to prepare for.

I've tried talking to friends about this but no one else seems to be as dual minded as me. It's acutally usually quite funny because they can only understand one side of this and the person who wants to travel finds the notion of settling awful or vice versa.

I'm going into this job on a year long contract and I'm trying to decide if I look to get it extended and make my home in that area, find another job somewhere else or start planning a big trip. I want to do everything! Does anyone else feel like this?

sashafierce

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R.D. aka MR.D

I'm in my late twenties now and very recently this has been troubling me, too.

For me personally, the way that I look at it even though it seems very simplistic is that when I'm old, gray and with limited mobility, I'll have plenty of time to sit around with some dogs and be 'settled'.


The only thing that I see in your post that can't be resolved is your desire to have children. Unfortunately, if you are 100% sure that is the future for you then you need to come to terms with becoming settled.
I never want children and one of the reasons is that my mother always resented my sibling and i for 'holding her back'. I know that my personality is such that even when I'm old, I'll still have this (at times) devastating wanderlust. I'll always be planning the next move.

They say it's better to regret the things that you have done than the things that you haven't.
But that doesn't help when the question is between not having children and not travelling the world. For some people it's an easy answer but for others, it causes a lot of anguish.

Sorry, i have no definitive advice for you but I think that the answer to this problem lies deep down inside you. Only you can ever made an educated guess on which life is going to bring you more happiness. No path is filled with happiness only and maybe it is our curse as humans to be wondering about the things we are missing.

Merkin

I really don't see how having children and traveling the world are mutually exclusive. I lived in the Middle East as a child and I know plenty of people who lived abroad as kids and it fostered a life long desire for travel and adventure. If you've got a decent job that facilitates travel and you meet a like minded person then of course you can have children.

I do think at twenty five you're putting the cart before the horse though. Go and enjoy yourself, a move to England is hardly an orphanage in the wilds of Burkina Faso so go where the opportunities are and accept that people evolve and develop so you're not going to keep all the friends you had growing up. It would be a way sadder proposition to never leave your home place , never meet new people and experience new adventures. Go where the wind takes you and everything will fall into place when the timing is right .

hoodwinked

obviously you can't have it all, BUT you can try,

when it comes to children i think a lot of people forget they are versatile and they only tie you down if you let them tie you down,

we have one child, and are both wanting to stick with one child, and she goes everywhere with us because it's so easy when you only have one, i guess its down to the type of travelling you want to do if its backpacking around Australia then children wouldn't be able to do that with you, but the way we look at it is now she's young, we can do things like go to disneyland/legoland/themeparks/water parks and see those child friendly sides of countries,

we know when she is a teenager we can do all the museums and sight seeing trips together, the historical places kind of travelling,

and by the time she is 18+ we will have all the time in the world to go where ever we want and do things like we want to do them or go places where children are just not allowed or would be very bored.

the thing is if we never had her, we never would if you get me, once you don't have children and it becomes too late you can never go back and have them, but the places in the world you want to see will always be there. it all comes down to how you want to travel?