Does my OH have a drink problem?

LegacyUser

As the title says, it's something I'm worried about.

My OH doesn't ever appear very drunk to me. I've only seen them drunk once.

However, there is always alcohol in their house. Generally a lot. Bottles of vodka, wine and beer.

I drink about once per week and my OH says they drink twice per week.

The amount of alcohol in the house worries me, though. The next time I'm around, it's always gone.

I broached it with my OH and they got very offended and said that they give it to their siblings.

yesterday morning , I snooped. I feel awful. But, I found more alcohol hidden away in a place I wouldn't generally go near.

Am I right to think there's something wrong with the amounts of alcohol that are there one week and gone the next? And the hidden alcohol? My OH's parent had an alcohol problem, so my OH is offended if I question them on drinking.

Something feels wrong.

P. Breathnach

I don't know if your OH has a drink problem, and I can't know on the basis of the information you have given here. If you saw the amount of alcoholic drink in my home, you might wonder - but if you came back next week, you would find nearly all of it still here.

But, in general, people do not hold stocks of drink in order to give it away. Of course there are exceptions, but there is usually a reason for the exception.

Concealed drink, however, is often an indication of a problem.

Now, a question for you to consider: if you believe your OH has a problem and is in denial about it, what would you do?

Rubberchikken

in answer to your question, yes it's possible, but no way could anyone diagnose it from a post.
i suggest you speak to your OH.

it might not be an easy conversation and you may not get truthful answers, but at least you'll know you tried.

After that, it's up to your OH if they accept they have a problem or not.

good luck

marizpan

They are red flags! And worth investigating further, but only you can know.

Signs to look out for:
Defensive when asked about alcohol consumption.
Bad/ depressive / unstable moods
No savings
More drinking buddies than real friends
Unless a secretive drinker
Try and convince you that you have the problem not them. If only you would lighten up and have a drink with them!!

PinkLemonade

Was the alcohol in the hidden place the same alcohol you saw out last week? Maybe he realised how it looked and didn't want to give off the wrong impression? Maybe someone was calling around that shouldn't be drinking?

How many empty bottles have you found?

fiona-f

The AA website has a good questionnaire on problem drinking. Try filling it out from your partner's perspective and see what it comes up with. Alcohol addiction is an awful thing, so if you feel your partner has an issue and I'd despite your best efforts, he doesn't admit it, then seriously consider the future if your relationship.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the replies. I'll try to answer everything.

The drink I found was not the same as what was there before.

I've never found empties, bar a wine bottle here or there, and I know they'll have a few glasses once a week anyway.

They have good friends, not hust drinking buddies.

They don't have savings, but they're in a low paying job.

They've never failed to turn up for work.

They have never appeared drunk to me, bar one occasion.

It's just the sheer amounts of alcohol I keep finding, and tge fact that it's always gone and replaced with more drink when I return that worries me.

If they have a problem and refuse to accept it, I'll have to end it
But I can't do that on the basis of them having a lot of alcohol in their home. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic before, so it could be needless worrying.

P. Breathnach

Worriedperson wrote: »

...
If they have a problem and refuse to accept it, I'll have to end it
But I can't do that on the basis of them having a lot of alcohol in their home....

I think you see strong indications of a problem, and you are slow to accept it.

Okay, it's fair to want to be sure before making your decision.

I think you need a proper discussion with your OH, a real cards-on-the-table one. It should be based on the worrying signs you have seen, and it should be made clear that if the discussion does not go well, the relationship is over.

If your OH refuses to engage positively in discussion, becomes defensive, says things that are highly implausible (or you know to be untrue), or tries to turn the discussion in other directions, you know what you have to do.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the reply.

I was going to broach the topic today.

However, my OH brought it up themselves. They said that they want to go on a health kick, so they are going to cut out processed food and alcohol.

This seems positive to me. I've said I'll do it with them.

Hopefully that means I'm just paranoid due to past experiences.

marizpan

Better to be cautious than sorry

P. Breathnach

It might be that your already having shown some signs of concern was a wake-up call for him. He now seems to want to move in a positive direction, and that is good.

I think your agreeing to do the same thing is also good. It's no harm to choose a healthy diet, and you probably are not losing out on very much in going off the drink. But, more important in the context of your concerns, you now have a channel of communication open.

I hope all goes well for both of you.