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Haven't fully moved on 2 years after breakup.

  • 03-08-2014 11:05pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,


    Just looking for some advice. I am 24 years old and still not fully over my ex-girlfriend who I lost my virginity to and was with for 3 years up until the age of 22. I still find myself checking her facebook page once every week or two (I have unfriended her though). I have not been in another relationship in the two years that we are broken up. It's like any time I meet a girl on a night out I am not that interested because they generally aren't as good looking as she was ( I know that sounds shallow but I'm just being brutally honest - that level of attraction hasn't been there with anyone in the last 2 years).

    I thought by two years I should be well over it. I don't cry over her anymore or anything but I do reminisce and I think of her often even though we haven't spoken since the break up. She dumped me by text message which was pretty lame but for some reason I always just remember the good things, the feeling of being in love as cheesy as that sounds. She also insulted me on her facebook page and called me a W*nker when my friends seen her on a night out.

    Since breaking up with her I have travelled to asia, graduated from college and got a job. But I always get the sense that I am underachieving in life and with women because I'm stuck in the past still not fully over her. I haven't taken up new hobbies (except piano) since breaking up with her and I find my social life dwindling as all my mates are in relationships.

    Why has this feeling not gone yet? Will it ever go? I'm only young so I really should be optimistic about life and put myself out there more but i'm just becoming worse with the opposite sex the longer I go without being in a relationship. I have tried online dating but the girls i'm interested in tend not to reply haha. It's not good. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's just a feeling of not fully moving on from it that annoys me.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ExIssues14 wrote: »
    She dumped me by text message which was pretty lame but for some reason I always just remember the good things, the feeling of being in love as cheesy as that sounds. She also insulted me on her facebook page and called me a W*nker when my friends seen her on a night out.

    OP instead of focussing on the good things, you need to focus on the bad things - some of which are highlighted above.
    Really think about the negatives - she sounds immature and mean to do those things to you. Breaking up by text message is really low and insulting you and calling you names is also horrible and not something you really want in a relationship.

    It sounds to me, that you had a lucky escape with this girl. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. In time you will take off the rose-coloured glasses and realise this girl wasn't all that. But you need to start seeing that now in order for you to move on.


  • #3
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    OP, you talk about wanting to move on, but you haven't done anything for yourself to give yourself the chance to get over her. You check her facebook page every fortnight, you reminisce over her at every opportunity and at the cost of forming new relationships, and you bask in the rose tinted glow of a relationship that, from what you have posted here, seemed quite one sided in terms of the affection shown.

    Stop checking her facebook (block her if you have to), and get out amongst new people. That doesn't mean you have to rush into online dating, but certainly find a new group or hobby that will allow you to broaden your social circle a bit. And every time you feel down about your ex, invest yourself in that instead. Day by day, she'll become a distant memory.


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