Did he freak out or does he have issues?

strandedhere

I had been seeing this guy for the last few weeks and he seemed genuine although a bit intense, he would text me first thing in the morning and then constantly throughout the day. The if I didnt reply I would then get a bunch more texts.
Anyway we went out a good bit, did different things and he even made plans for the future and talked about doing loads of different things. I'd even met part of the family.
So then one morning I texted him saying I would be a bit late etc and the reply I got that this is taking more time then he has between work and college and he's just very busy this summer etc. To say I was shocked is an understatement because maybe 10 hours before had he had been sending me pics of the pig out he was having and the food baby he got. Then he mentioned he was excited for tomorrow and he'd see me then...
I was convinced he just had a freak out about us as it did get very intense and was going to leave him and it until I got back from a 3 week holiday I'm about to go away on.
I remembered I had a friend who knew him or well an ex-GF of his and he told me to avoid him at all costs that he will only ever hurt me, my friends and that he has some serious mental issues. This friend didn't know I was seeing him until I told him then and enlightened me about the fact he has serious family issues, is known to mess with girls etc and caused his ex-girlfriend a lot of grief.

Now Im wondering did I get played or did some mental issues he has get in the way of us?

I'm going away for 3 weeks now and I'm being advised not to text him until I get back as we will both get space from the intenseness that was our fast thing.

This holiday will probably do me the world of good, but I'm looking for some impartial and honest advice as I have some people saying leave him alone for good he could be trouble and others being like leave it till after holidays and speak to him in september after you've all had time to think... help please?

maria34

Why you dont listen to your friend? Because he doesnt sound right. You know him only for few weeks anyway.

strandedhere

I have listened to my friend, but its difficult when the guy in questioned seemed so normal and like a nice guy. To then find out all this I have some lingering questions that I would like answered.

It also went from full speed ahead to nothing bit of whiplash.

Penny Tration

Texting incessantly isn't 'normal' or nice. Time to let this one go, I'd say.

maria34

Guys who go nuts with texting and are too intense in the beginning dissapear really quick. I didnt know it either but had one of these once and got confused too. Because he dissapeared no word from him. Like dropped dead or something. He is still happy and living nothing happened to him.

alibab

Let it go . He is playing mind games . I would say very very controlling etc with all the txts and intense behaviour early in the relationship. My guess is as you are going away for 3 weeks he is not happy about this so playing games so you will feel guilty and miserable. Walk away forget about him and enjoy your holidays.

strandedhere

alibab wrote: »

Let it go . He is playing mind games . I would say very very controlling etc with all the txts and intense behaviour early in the relationship. My guess is as you are going away for 3 weeks he is not happy about this so playing games so you will feel guilty and miserable. Walk away forget about him and enjoy your holidays.

come to think about it he was talking about me leaving the night before I got the text saying he was too busy at the moment etc.
According to a friend he is known for messing girls so I think i'll move on to someone worth my while its just sad because he seemed like a good catch before all this.

However I am the type of person who needs to know a lot of information and one I've cooled dow and moved on a bit I want to clear the air/get to the bottom of this freak out so I can put my mind to rest, sometime in the next month after I'm home would it be a good idea to meet and talk **** out?

Obliq

strandedhere wrote: »

However I am the type of person who needs to know a lot of information and one I've cooled dow and moved on a bit I want to clear the air/get to the bottom of this freak out so I can put my mind to rest, sometime in the next month after I'm home would it be a good idea to meet and talk **** out?

Why bother? You got it together with a fella who blows (seriously) hot and (seriously) cold. Do you need more of that treatment to be sure your friend was right?

If you're confused now, imagine how much more confused you'll be if you continue to invest emotional energy in this and get similarly raised on a pedestal/shat on from a height after your holiday.....

strandedhere

Obliq wrote: »

Why bother? You got it together with a fella who blows (seriously) hot and (seriously) cold. Do you need more of that treatment to be sure your friend was right?

If you're confused now, imagine how much more confused you'll be if you continue to invest emotional energy in this and get similarly raised on a pedestal/shat on from a height after your holiday.....

Honestly I am very very confused about what happened and what to do. I feel like we should talk face to face but I'm not sure what good would come from that right now.

Maybe the best thing would to be to go away, leave him here and see how I feel or if I feel anything when I get back.

maria34

There is no point to talk as u wont get honest answers anyway. No point to invest in it, he is acting like a jerk tho!

Obliq

strandedhere wrote: »

I feel like we should talk face to face

Why? Unless you like this flip flopping around/treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen behaviour?

- "So then one morning I texted him saying I would be a bit late etc and the reply I got that this is taking more time then he has between work and college and he's just very busy this summer etc. To say I was shocked is an understatement because maybe 10 hours before had he had been sending me pics of the pig out he was having and the food baby he got. Then he mentioned he was excited for tomorrow and he'd see me then... "

Honestly, I'd just be glad he showed how he reacts to you being late/going on holidays NOW, rather than giving him anymore of your time. You don't owe him any explanation, nor are you owed any IMO. I'd go with what he said in his last text, but I'm sure you can fully expect a lot of "I didn't mean it, we had something special" texts quite soon. Which if you fall for....you may be setting yourself up for a world of trouble if your friend's opinion is anything to go by.

There's plenty more fish hon, no matter how good looking this one is!

IlmoNT4

Be glad that you saw what hes truly like early on, why waste your time and energy on someone like this. Life is hard enough without going out with someone like that.
I've had guys come on very strong and intense and Its always made me feel really uneasy to the point that I dont see them again. Listen to your gut, the fact that you have posted on board is telling you something. Put yourself first and do whats right for you and your mental well being. A new relationship should be fun and getting to know someone not full on, with mind games, drama and no knowing where you stand with someone.
Go and have fun on your holidays and delete this number.

Big Bag of Chips

I think you're just curious now to know more about him. Your friend has given you a few snippets of information, so you now want to go and get all the gossip straight from the horse's mouth!

Not going to happen.

As I often say to people intent on talking it out... This isn't Home & Away! People in real life don't tend to have these big honest heart to hearts where they lay it all out.

If your gut is telling you there's something a bit off about this fella, then cut your loses. If you like a bit of drama and need to feed your curiosity, then drag it out a bit longer... Just to see where it'll end up.

Dellnum

I would not contact him again, not now and not after your holiday either. He has laid his cards on the table, told you he hasn't time for you so that is the information you have to go on. It doesn't matter what the reason is for his change of heart, all you have to concentrate on right now is that this guy doesn't want to continue with this relationship. He has told you out straight, so that's all you need to know. What's the point of analyzing it further. If anything he should be the one contacting you to explain why he had a change of heart. It is not up to you to contact him now after what you have been told. In my experience of situations like this you are far better to just accept it and ask no questions. Its obvious he enjoyed the mad fling for a few weeks but now it has run its course and he wants to move on. This kind of thing can be very hurtful for the person on the receiving end.......you, but cut your losses now because contacting him again will only bring more hurt.

LegacyUser

Dellnum wrote: »

I would not contact him again, not now and not after your holiday either. He has laid his cards on the table, told you he hasn't time for you so that is the information you have to go on. It doesn't matter what the reason is for his change of heart, all you have to concentrate on right now is that this guy doesn't want to continue with this relationship. He has told you out straight, so that's all you need to know. What's the point of analyzing it further. If anything he should be the one contacting you to explain why he had a change of heart. It is not up to you to contact him now after what you have been told. In my experience of situations like this you are far better to just accept it and ask no questions. Its obvious he enjoyed the mad fling for a few weeks but now it has run its course and he wants to move on. This kind of thing can be very hurtful for the person on the receiving end.......you, but cut your losses now because contacting him again will only bring more hurt.

Excellent advice. The kind of person who dumps you the way he did is not the kind of person who will have a heart to heart with you about it at a later date.

deisemum

He's told you he hasn't time for you so be glad you know now rather than dragging it out. You'd be wasting your time talking it out. Go off and enjoy your holiday and don't give him another moment of your time.

Lou.m

strandedhere wrote: »

I had been seeing this guy for the last few weeks and he seemed genuine although a bit intense, he would text me first thing in the morning and then constantly throughout the day. The if I didnt reply I would then get a bunch more texts.
Anyway we went out a good bit, did different things and he even made plans for the future and talked about doing loads of different things. I'd even met part of the family.
So then one morning I texted him saying I would be a bit late etc and the reply I got that this is taking more time then he has between work and college and he's just very busy this summer etc. To say I was shocked is an understatement because maybe 10 hours before had he had been sending me pics of the pig out he was having and the food baby he got. Then he mentioned he was excited for tomorrow and he'd see me then...
I was convinced he just had a freak out about us as it did get very intense and was going to leave him and it until I got back from a 3 week holiday I'm about to go away on.
I remembered I had a friend who knew him or well an ex-GF of his and he told me to avoid him at all costs that he will only ever hurt me, my friends and that he has some serious mental issues. This friend didn't know I was seeing him until I told him then and enlightened me about the fact he has serious family issues, is known to mess with girls etc and caused his ex-girlfriend a lot of grief.

Now Im wondering did I get played or did some mental issues he has get in the way of us?

I'm going away for 3 weeks now and I'm being advised not to text him until I get back as we will both get space from the intenseness that was our fast thing.

This holiday will probably do me the world of good, but I'm looking for some impartial and honest advice as I have some people saying leave him alone for good he could be trouble and others being like leave it till after holidays and speak to him in september after you've all had time to think... help please?

He is pulling you in and then pushing you out quite predictably when he feels you are not giving him your full attention. It was when you stated you would be unavoidably late that he issued notice of his plans to dump you. And then he tries to give a false impression of the intensity of feeling for you after. But he does not really have this feeling for you. It's fake. There is no real connection nor intimacy or trust there. You cannot trust him. Soon you will start to feel annoyed by his phony friendliness and lose respect for him.

He has revealed himself to be fickle and quite frankly odd. There is no real passion there only going through the motions. He 'messes' with girls. Well then he is a child.

You say he has a family issue and mental health issues. These are not excuses we all have issues and we all try to treat others well.

He has shown you he is not worthy. Not because of anything else but his treatment of you. His treatment of you makes him unworthy.

He is in short a clichéd headwreck.

Also who on earth binges then sends pics of a bloated stomach?
I am sorry for his mental health issues and everything else. But to be honest I think you are feeling yourself you need to move on.

Anyway it is your decision I hope both you and he are happy either separately or together whatever you decide.

strandedhere

Hi All,

Realistically I know your all right going from what friends know of him, other friends experience and your advice the best thing to do is move on. I think right now I'm stuck on the issue of whether or not I was played, was it just a game the whole time or did possessive, mind playing games and whatever other issues there were take over as it was like a completely different person was texting me the other morning.

I think its just a bit difficult for me to comprehend it ending so suddenly because he had made plans for when I'm home and said we'd do a multitude of things!

He has also said I should contact him for coffee when I'm back from holidays which definitely leading me to the idea he couldn't handle not being able to control/manipulate things. Either way I dont think he's a good one to get into any relationship with, I think it is best that I go away and enjoy my holiday and hope its resolved in my head when I get back.

Matteroffact

strandedhere wrote: »

Hi All,

Realistically I know your all right going from what friends know of him, other friends experience and your advice the best thing to do is move on. I think right now I'm stuck on the issue of whether or not I was played, was it just a game the whole time or did possessive, mind playing games and whatever other issues there were take over as it was like a completely different person was texting me the other morning.

I think its just a bit difficult for me to comprehend it ending so suddenly because he had made plans for when I'm home and said we'd do a multitude of things!

He has also said I should contact him for coffee when I'm back from holidays which definitely leading me to the idea he couldn't handle not being able to control/manipulate things. Either way I dont think he's a good one to get into any relationship with, I think it is best that I go away and enjoy my holiday and hope its resolved in my head when I get back.

It doesn't really matter what happened, so quit analyzing the situation. You had an experience and now this guy wants to cool off. It doesn't mean that you are any the less desirable than you always have been, so stop beating yourself up over this. It would appear that this guy gets fed up of relationships after a short time. He enjoyed your company while it lasted but now he wants to move on.

It is often very hard to let go in situations like this because you are doubting your attractiveness and that is what is making this more painful than it needs to be. Just because this guy wants to move on it doesn't mean that he didn't find you attractive, it just means that he is not ready for the sort of commitment a relationship entails. You will have better luck the next time. So stop doubting yourself, you are still the gorgeous girl you have always been and it is his loss, certainly not yours.

thefeatheredcat

OP I'm going to ask you NOT to wreck your head around the analysing because you're just never going to have the answer. I would have seen his response to you texting that you were going to be late as him attacking as a means of defence because of some insecurity he has. Instead of interpreting someone being late, he interpreted something completely different e.g. she's going to break up with me, not turn up, something from the realm of insecurity so he pretty much came out with that and it probably had nothing really to do with you.

Don't waste your time wondering if you were played, just take it as it is, someone who was very fickle and confusing and blowing hot and cold and causing you stress. Is that worth bending your mind around to even try to understand what was behind it? No. That I know from experience. Don't waste your time thinking and dwelling on it. You're never going to know for sure, and even if you did ask or have a heart to heart, you're probably not going to get a real answer, but I would worry some scathing remark that is going to hurt you that he will throw out there as a means to defend his own feelings.

Forget about it, have a great holiday and don't think on it or let it spoil the great time you have coming up for you!