Is it normal to feel this way

QueenBey

Im been drove up the wall trying to figure out if how i feel is normal. People always say that girls should stick together and build each other up and be happy for each other etc etc and I agree and if something great happens for one of my friends or family i am really happy for them ... however... If something good happens for someone who has done me wrong in the past I just feel so resentful and angry and jealous of them. For example, i used to be friends with these two girls and we were the best of friends for a long long time however they treated me very badly when they became friends with each other so bad that i was having sleepless nights and ended up having to seek help because it had me in such a bad state. Now i see them and they both got two great jobs, met loads of new friends and have been off travelling the world and living it up while I am struggling with money and finding a perfect job etc. I resent them for it i feel they treated me so bad and totally ruined every shred of self confidence i had why do they get to have a great life and everything that i ever wanted happen for them? Is it normal to feel like this or am i being bitter...any advice i dont want to be so caught up in thinking about them as I know i should not care?

orlyice

Ok I think you need to stop focusing on other peoples achievements, sometimes when you are looking at people their lives seem so much better... Their job/travelling might not have been all it's cracked up to be.

Unfortunately people who treat you badly are a part of the world, think of it as a learning experience, they treated you badly and you lost your confidence, do not invest anymore time or energy thinking about them. You have control over your future, nobody else does, these toxic people are no longer friends so you need to stop focusing on them. If you come across similar people in the future you will be able to recognise toxic people and act accordingly. As for your confidence, maybe read some self help books or look at other ways to build it up, even a few counselling sessions might be worth it, a good counsellor can help build your confidence.

You seem to focused on the negative side if your life, things you haven't done. Sit down and look at any achievements you have made, see if you can make any changes and work towards getting the career you want, think of it as steps you need to make to get where you want, courses etc.

From my own experience, I used to be very jealous of my sister and all her achievements in sport, she would be a local celebrity, everyone in our area knows her, I used to focus on how everyone thought she was so brilliant. Until one day she told me she was envious of me! I had my life, I moved away from home, something she never got to do because of her sport commitments, yet I was envious of her.

Best of luck

Lou.m

QueenBey wrote: »

Im been drove up the wall trying to figure out if how i feel is normal. People always say that girls should stick together and build each other up and be happy for each other etc etc and I agree and if something great happens for one of my friends or family i am really happy for them ... however... If something good happens for someone who has done me wrong in the past I just feel so resentful and angry and jealous of them. For example, i used to be friends with these two girls and we were the best of friends for a long long time however they treated me very badly when they became friends with each other so bad that i was having sleepless nights and ended up having to seek help because it had me in such a bad state. Now i see them and they both got two great jobs, met loads of new friends and have been off travelling the world and living it up while I am struggling with money and finding a perfect job etc. I resent them for it i feel they treated me so bad and totally ruined every shred of self confidence i had why do they get to have a great life and everything that i ever wanted happen for them? Is it normal to feel like this or am i being bitter...any advice i dont want to be so caught up in thinking about them as I know i should not care?

I would not consider it normal. You are missing out on a great joy you know by not sharing in empathic positive feelings for your friends and peers. It is free happiness.

Also i think you need to let the past go. And forgive. I also think you would see a softer side to these girls if you knew them and forgave them. They are not perfect nor have perfect lives they are vulnerable and human like you. Try and feel better about you. You are unique.

Your confidence is in your hands. You are your own worst critic now it is you being down you now not them. And if you had a positive outlook from the beginning perhaps their treatment would not have stung.

Surround yourself with positive friends and never allow jealousy or anything like that into your heart or friendship circle.

Be happy for your friends and surround yourself with people who will be happy for you.

Why have you focused on them and laid your self doubt on them ? Why blame your life troubles on them? I don't think they are as related as you think.


Try not to be so hard on yourself and don't project insecurities or negative feelings just let them go.

Be happy for others and others will be happy for you.

Stavro Mueller

Well for starters I think you should stop blindly believing that you should be delighted every time a girl does well for herself. It's a naive idealistic notion IMHO. I am delighted when good people, male and female, do well for themselves. There are women I know who I'd not spit on if they were on fire - why should I be their cheerleaders just because of their gender?

Now onto your real issue. You were dumped by your two ex friends and this has hurt you very deeply. While everything seems to have gone swimmingly for them, your life hasn't gone as well as you planned. In the circumstances, I don't blame you for feeling like crap when you start comparing what they have with what you have. It's a perfectly understandable reaction. However, it's not good to wallow in it.

If you start taking small steps to improve your own life, you'll start to feel better about yourself. Concentrate on making new friends and perhaps take up a new hobby or two. If you've not found the career you'd like, look into upskilling or doing another qualification. Stop worrying about what other people are doing and don't let yourself be defined by them. There'll always be someone who's richer than you, prettier than you are, has a better job than you, more friends, nicer car, fancy clothes etc. The important thing is to be happy with your lot.

QueenBey

I completely agree with everything everyone is saying just cant put it into practice.

I feel perfectly normal happiness for my friends who do well, its when I see people who have hurt me so deeply and get everything so easily thats what I find difficult to digest.

Its hard seeing everyone singing the praises of someone who you have seen another side of

Lou.m

QueenBey wrote: »

I completely agree with everything everyone is saying just cant put it into practice.

I feel perfectly normal happiness for my friends who do well, its when I see people who have hurt me so deeply and get everything so easily thats what I find difficult to digest.

Its hard seeing everyone singing the praises of someone who you have seen another side of

Try to forgive and diminutise the part of them you don't like.

It is as if you have an ex who treated you badly but all his friends say he is a really good guy.

Both opinions are true.

Someone can have a deeply awful part of their character yet be lovely in other ways.

Admire the good in them and be happy for them.

If it came to them easily it can come to YOU easily.

If you can't do this then simply don't think about them.

I am managed to forgive some pretty ****ty things ...it's good for you.
Don't let this bad feeling fill you up. Staying angry is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

Your friends don't sound that bad. Truly I don't think they are bad people. It's time to focus on you and be positive. :-)

I am a happy unique creative person. What another thinks or does to me is not part of me it does not define me in anyway. I am kind I am happy and that is who I am.

I am not easily hurt and I wonder if you need to look at why you are? I don't know if I am a good base for comparison but it does seem a little over the top or sensitive for you to be hurt about it why are you even thinking about it?

If I remembered half the bad stuff or even 10 % of the bad stuff that people did to me I would not have the good stuff I do have.

And trust me life itself is going to bring challenges you cannot control so just learn to let it go. :-)

Be generous to them and yourself. They are probably not bad people.

And work on your self esteem

Lou.m

By the way if those girls were truly nasty don't feel jealous feel sorry for them and hope they heal and become happy kinder people.

People with cold hearts are generally not happy or cannot experience true joy and love for others. So really they might need your kind thoughts more than you think.

Bring a little more light into the world :-)

QueenBey

Its really hard to forgive or forget. Not only did they hurt me but they changed a big part of me i was outgoing and loved socialising and im the opposite now the way they treated me, the things they said about me i just cant forgive. To see them still being able to socialise and carry on with their lives just makes me so angry

QueenBey

I think ive gone a bit off track lol. My point was anyway that i cant be happy for them because i feel so angry that they are getting things they done deserve while i am working hard and nothing is working out for me

dar100

Lou.m wrote: »

I would not consider it normal. You are missing out on a great joy you know by not sharing in empathic positive feelings for your friends and peers. It is free happiness.

Also i think you need to let the past go. And forgive. I also think you would see a softer side to these girls if you knew them and forgave them. They are not perfect nor have perfect lives they are vulnerable and human like you. Try and feel better about you. You are unique.

Your confidence is in your hands. You are your own worst critic now it is you being down you now not them. And if you had a positive outlook from the beginning perhaps their treatment would not have stung.

Surround yourself with positive friends and never allow jealousy or anything like that into your heart or friendship circle.

Be happy for your friends and surround yourself with people who will be happy for you.

Why have you focused on them and laid your self doubt on them ? Why blame your life troubles on them? I don't think they are as related as you think.


Try not to be so hard on yourself and don't project insecurities or negative feelings just let them go.

Be happy for others and others will be happy for you.

Sounds like some humanistic bull**** therapist wrote this. There is something called the real world out there

Lou.m

dar100 wrote: »

Sounds like some humanistic bull**** therapist wrote this. There is something called the real world out there

No it is just really the way I feel to be honest. But your contrasting opinion is welcome it at least gives something to push against.


OK well here is some common sense then, from a genuine place.

OP, snap out of it. Stop being so petty. It is hurting yourself. Just snap out of it.

Don't tell me you can't you can. You are CHOOSING this. You have become addicted to self pity.

You are making the situation more pathetic by allowing them to become the focus of you inner world.

They have NOTHING to do with your choices in life or the way things turned out. Your personality is your choice and within your power.

Just don't feel anything for them forget about them then. Get on with your life.
OP

getting things they done deserve while i am working hard and nothing is working out for me
Today 03:20

This seems a little self entitles and seems to be working on the assumption that life is fair. It's not and being a good person requires a good deal of stoicism in the face of adversity. You still have to be nice when things are going bad unfairly. That is character. It is also character that gives you the strength to get over bad experiences. It is also character that stops the false negative opinions from infiltrating your mind. You need to work on that for yourself.

Get out and do things. I don't mean to be harsh but really you are doing yourself no favors.

Its really hard to forgive or forget.

Once you do it, it becomes easy I promise.

You will be happier.

Stavro Mueller

QueenBey wrote: »

Its really hard to forgive or forget. Not only did they hurt me but they changed a big part of me i was outgoing and loved socialising and im the opposite now the way they treated me, the things they said about me i just cant forgive. To see them still being able to socialise and carry on with their lives just makes me so angry

So what is stopping you from socialising and carrying on with your life? They're hardly standing at your front door stopping you from leaving the house, are they? This obsession with them has got to stop. You can be certain that you're not costing them a thought.

Perhaps you should seek out professional help if you can't get yourself out of this rut. The only way you can get on with your life is if you stop bring obsessed with them and instead turn your attention to improving your own lot. Wallowing in misery is getting you nowhere.

QueenBey wrote: »

I think ive gone a bit off track lol. My point was anyway that i cant be happy for them because i feel so angry that they are getting things they done deserve while i am working hard and nothing is working out for me

Why on earth should you feel happy for them? Just because they're female? I really can't wrap my head around that one.

Rubberchikken

it's perfectly normal to feel angry that people who would treat another in a crap way are now doing well. i'm human enough to admit that i've experienced those feelings but at the end of the day you either let these feeling consume you, or you decide that those people aren't worth bothering with and get on with your life.

focus on you and what you want to achieve.
the best revenge is a life well lived.

take care.