A year out from teaching-dunno what to do?

LegacyUser

Hey! I have worked as a teacher for a few years. I have enjoyed it, but also found it demanding and stressful at times.
I battle generalised anxiety and ocd: i get obsessive thoughts about work, relationships,ability to do harm etc: i have taken meds for this, gone to a cbt therapist, practiced meditation, read lots of books, forums etc..
So this year, I had a really tough class. I really did give it my all. There were just so many disruptive kids; is started getting bad chest pains and sleep problems and on the advice of friends & family, I have decided to take time out.

So I have a year to rest up, rebuild my confidence a bit, learn new skills,
I can teach for a few weeks in a supply role which I actually really enjoy, as I feel a lot freer in this role and quite strong too..
I have seen a career counsellor, my GP, cbt therapist..
I do definitely have confidence problems and find managing a class 24/7 al year long really tough. With my anxiety and ocd, I always have tough days, when I am battling and the kids of course can sense fear and lack of assertiveness..

My plan is to supply teach for a few weeks
I am off the ssri meds as I want to clear my head for a while
I am going to my cbt therpist for a few sessions
I am updating my cv and looking at alternative career options
I am looking at classroom management/discipline courses to improve my skills in this area..

Other than this I dont really know what to do the next 12 months..
I feel a bit lonely and lost..I have good friends and family, but everyone is just getting on with their lives; friends of mine are married and busy with kids etc..but still good mates..
I have met a nice girl, but she lives two hours away from me and i like her, but feel a bit unsure and 'rocky',...
I have a job of sorts to go back to, but the school i am in is extremely tough, so I'm not going to jump back into a tough class...

Whats you guys think?

Appreciate the feedback...
I

Tokyo

OP,

it already sounds like you are on a good approach in terms of utilising the time to expand your professional skillset, to work on your anxiety and to regroup and reassess your career and other options that may be available to you. Judging by what you say in your opening paragraph, taking time out was something that you needed, and it's good that you recognised that.

However, have you considered taking some of that time now and focusing on the social side of things as well, or just the things that you want to do, not necessarily for professional advancement, but just for fun? You say that you have good friends but they are getting on with their lives - have you considered taking up a new hobby or activity and expanding your social circle by joining a relevant club? Ultimately we can't really tell you what you *should* do, but have you taken a step back and thought to yourself "what are the 5 things I've always wanted to do and just never got around to it". Ignore career, making money, and all the 'what-if's for a second and think about it. And focus on at least one of the things on that list as something you might like to follow up on.

Rubberchikken

Do you have to return to the school you've bern in? If the kids are such a handful wouldn't you be better off elsewhere?
Could this be the opportunity to work abroad, take up a hobby, do some volunteer work?

You sound as though you're on the right track with dealing with the anxiety issues, so hopefully things will improve in your life

LegacyUser

Hey! thanks a mil for the replies...

Yea, I was thinking of doing the few weeks supply teaching and while I'm doing that, get my cv done, look at alternative careers or careers around education and then matbe go travelling for a couple of months..

Anxiety and ocd make life quite tough for me...I can appear strong and confident and behind it feel in bits or just really unsure of myself, then I do my mindfulness, meditation, rest, see my cbt therapist and get back in the game..
the problem with teaching is, you need to be on your game 100% of the time or kids start acting up..
I really like teaching and have worked really hard at it.. sometimes I feel under pressure being the boss of a big class as I am a bit shy, and prefer to be more in the background..

For a few years I got posts in Resource teaching which involves teaching smaller groups of 3-6 kids, English, Maths or just resource hours on the basis of their diagnosis; i felt more capable of doing this...but the thing is, often older teachers, or teachers who have had a rough few years as a class teacher get these posts..

I can potentially leave my school and go on a panel to be put forward for a job in other schools; this frightens me a little to be honest...

I have been on ssri meds for the last 5-7 years (on and off)...recently i had a very bad car accident; combo of the ssris and antihistamines and being wrecked from work, led to me dosing at the wheel and crashing at 75mph; lucky escape: i didnt hit anyone else and escaped with mild whiplash and a few bruises and scrapes..I stopped the hayfever tablets immediately and have decided to ease off the anti-depressants for a while anyway, just to clear my head and see how it goes..


Any ideas of things to do here or abroad on a year off?

castaway_lady

www.backdoorjobs.com

LegacyUser

OP is there anything in life that you have always wanted to do and now you have this year off this is the time to use it as an opportunity. The majority of people I know have taken time out to head off travelling and explore, maybe thats not your cup of tea.
Would you like to do further study?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the link castaway woman..

I have travelled loads over the past 5/6 years on school holidays: found it tough sometimes but absolutely loved it and had some amazing experiences.

I think a balance between getting my life stable and happy here and maybe a couple of trips would be cool...
I am trying to slow down and get balance and perspective on things..
The nature of me and my anxiety, is that I often keep busy doing lots of things; no need most of the time..
I do like a structure and to be doing things each day, so being off work, as weird as it sounds, can sometimes be tough for me..

I think i will defo have a few sessions with my cbt therpist and try and find and make my own decisions...often, i notice, that i run decisions by friends and family, whereas, i can really decide myself...
Many of my family work in education, so discussing my career can be intense...

I am a funny mix of blind determination and focus and then at the same time feeling lonely, insecure and anxious...

My interests are:
-sports, cycling, triathalon
-travel, hiking, adventure
-history & archaelogy
-wildlife, nature,
-music, guitar
-mediation, mindfulness & Buddhist teachings..

I sometimes get annoyed as I feel I have so much to give, buckets of intelligence...
But just get beaten back, often as a result of my anxiety or ocd sparking up..
Saying that, I am proud of how hard I have battled and all i have achieved in spite of this; many people with my issues end up in hospital..

I suppose a big advantage I have now is time and perspective; i can look back and see the career moves which were just wrong for me...
I can be kinder to myself now and choose a career path where I can be comfortable and build my confidence & where if, i'm having an ocd day, I can carry on regardless..

Sorry for messy post...just thinking and typing!

Appreciate the feedback.!!

InReality

I second trying to do something that would be fun for you , and doing something "just for yourself".
I like the idea that we have the answers to our problems inside us.
I think looking at something differently is the start, and you can do this a bit this year.

For example maybe you could try looking at the need to be 100% differently.
You mentioned a few times you need to be 100% on in class.
Would all your colleagues work like that ?
What about if you just told the kids to do homework on days you were feeling bad ? Or on a day you were feeling good , just to see what it was like ?

One thing I'd try and do is make sure to have some structure to your time off. If I stay in bed a few days i'm fecked

I really wish you the best.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

just read your post and got thinking..

It's no failure not to be up to teaching - I get the impression that you are well capable and don't give yourself enough credit but that the anxiety is an 'excuse' to get out of a career that you are just not happy in. maybe the anxiety is telling you something you don't know?

Why not considering working for a teacher training college on the admin side of things (Hibernia or Mary I springs to mind). Why not consider going back and getting an MA in Teaching and Learning and use it to upskill and get out of teaching but stay in education?

Stick with the CBT and the mindfulness - you're doing great!

I would also suggest just upskilling in other areas - start running, go on longer walks and bring a camera to take some snaps, join a knitting circle etc. etc.

In other words, OP, I think you need to start being selfish. Do what YOU want to do and just feck the consequences!

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies!

I like the idea of doing something fun..
Maybe you are right: there might be a post to the left or right of strict classroom teaching,,,

Without going into detail; my ocd takes the form of obsessive thoughts about what if i think this, or did this etc...have had thoughts that I might be gay, what if i stabbed someone etc..
I then get upset and down and try and 'work them out' in my head...
I have learned through reading, lots of cbt, exposure therapy etc to face up to my ocd thoughts, sit with them, and they do pass..
The thing is, in a class teacher context; i have improved a lot and manage my ocd and anxiety quite well...but I do feel it can be really tough for me to be on top of things all the time..

The thing is; i am really determined and push myself really hard, but last term i started getting bad chest pains and panic attack type sleep problems; so it was time to step aside...


A big part of ocd as well is asking for reassurance from people; especially my family & i really want to start taking more of my own decisions without constantly searching for feedback,,,


I met a really nice girl a couple of weeks ago and we were going to meet up, but didnt work out for various reasons; put stuff like this on top of the ocd and anxiety rocks me a bit...
Think i am a little lonely and would like a bit of romance in my life,,,
as I am approaching my 40's i feel like the clock is ticking; get the job, get the car, get the girlfriend; get going..!

In truth I have been battling anxiety all my life, and ocd for about 15 years, in spite of this i have 3 college qualifications, travelled the world, held down a few jobs, had a few girlfriends...etc etc,,, so i have done okay in spite of the battle!

marie12

There is a mindfullness in the classroom course you can do. Children love it and teachers can greatly benefit from it. You will become more confident and capable with demands of teaching with experience.
If you think travelling for long lengths of time would be too much, try maybe 5 night breaks In europe. Learning more about the world is always good. Staying in hostels too is a great way to bring you out of yourself.
You sound like you are being proactive, best of luck.

InReality

Its a battle all right ! I'm in a similar position regarding "time" myself

I don't have ocd but have anxiety most of the time.Have had a few bouts of depression, although not for a few years now thank god.

Don't push yourself too hard mind - its hard to get that balance right - but overall I think a lot of us are way too hard on ourselves.

LegacyUser

Hey! Yea, I have done a few courses in mindfulness and in mediation and have really enjoyed it: i think it defo helps me & greatly interests me..
They are trying to introduce mindfulness for kids and teachers in Primary level anyway..

This year as well, I would love to gain clarity of mind really; try and stand back from the anxiety and ocd and see what I really want to do and achieve..

I would also like to sorta accept myself more and get more comfortable in my own skin: i have been saying this for a few years now; I really like people who are quietly at ease with themselves and would like to be a little bit more like this...

I have in the past tired myself out trying to be the nice guy, to be seen to be good etc...
Sometimes if my ocd made be feel down or ashamed; i would counter this by being overly helpful and happy and nice at work: is so tiring: have completely cut that out..

What did someone say...'Find yourself and be yourself!' Would love to get there or even part of the way...!


Thanks for the feedback!