advice please

redsun14

Im 23 and my partner is 33 we have been together 7 years engaged 1 have a house and a lovely 4 year old son i love the both of them with all my heart but my problem is my partner has 2 brothers one older one younger the younger one is lovely he talks to me he got to know me etc but d older one never did he has never had a conversation with me its just hi bye and things like that he has never really made an effort so i dont know what hes like now wer wer all at a wedding a few weeks ago and no dont judge me and tell me that i dont love my partner like i said i do 😊 but i found myself looking for him in d crowd but he was staring back at me i told him that i wid like to know what hes like ajd i wud like for us to be able to have a conversation he said ok no problem everyone was taking pictures and he asked that we get some takin on our phones so i dint see the harm in it. Iv talked to some of my friends about this issue and they have think that he avoides me because he has feelings for me and doesnt want any thing to happen because im woth his brother he seems to stare and look at me from afar wen we are in d same room but if its just us and his close family ie brothers parents etc he says hi and bye i have asked him and he says its for no reason i find muself being drawn to him but at d end of d day hes by brother in law id never do anything to hurt my partner cuz i love him more than anything but id like to get to know his oldest brother without it being awkward and stuff has anyone got advice please

cloud493

You want to get to know him as a friend like?

mylefttesticle

Why after seven years? honestly are you bored? looking for some excitement? Using the words ''drawn to him' is not really a good indication that its all that wholesome your feelings and thoughts on it.

Honestly if your happy in your relationship then just pull back, you survived seven years without a close relationship with him and you will survive in the future. Perhaps work on your relationship and try and get a spark back as that sounds like it is gone.

Mr. Loverman

redsun14 wrote: »

Im 23 and my partner is 33 we have been together 7 years

16 years old and 26 years old.

Sorry I can't get past this.

Is it a typo?

redsun14

Mr loverman i was 17 when i met my dp!!! In nearly 24? At the end of the day age is a number but i have not posted to be critisised about our ages when we met

Mr. Loverman

It might be a factor though. It's possible the brother never approved of your relationship as he thought it was creepy.

redsun14

Cloud493 id love to know him like a friend but its the way he reacts around me that makes me feel if i get to know him like a friend that he will want more..

Mylefttesticle i am happy in my relationship i dont know why its only now that i have a problem with it i think because i have a good relationship with d younger brother in not bored and i wud never do anything to hurt my other half i wudnt like it done to me so i wudnt do it to him

cloud493

Well I don't know. Maybe ask him does he have a problem with you?

redsun14

Mr loverman when i met my partner we sat down and told our family's about our age difference nobody had anything bad to say and just said as long as we were happy dats all that matters its not creepy !! Wat wud u say if i said i was 30 and my partner was 40 it wud be overlooked !! My post isn't about our ages !! Cloud493 its a lot Easter said that done

Mr. Loverman

redsun14 wrote: »

Wat wud u say if i said i was 30 and my partner was 40

16/17 is a child. 26 isn't a child. He was dating a child.

It could be a factor.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this.

Best of luck.

mylefttesticle

redsun14 wrote: »

Cloud493 id love to know him like a friend but its the way he reacts around me that makes me feel if i get to know him like a friend that he will want more..

Mylefttesticle i am happy in my relationship i dont know why its only now that i have a problem with it i think because i have a good relationship with d younger brother in not bored and i wud never do anything to hurt my other half i wudnt like it done to me so i wudnt do it to him

Its just the words and phrases you are using.

''drawn to him''


''I would not do anything to hurt by BF''

They are words and phrases that mean you perhaps are developing feelings or would like to otherwise you would not be using those words and it would be a different problem.

An example would be.

I have no relationship with my BF brother even though I have a great relationship with his other younger brother and I would like to know how to get to know him better.

Honestly even if you don't have a thing for him but you think he has a thing for you then let it be until he gets over it and if you find yourself being drawn to him then I would suggest the same thing, let it be for a good while.

Dutchess

Hi redsun,

Would you consider putting a few more full stops and spaces in your post? It is actually quite difficult to read at the moment (for me anyway) and you might get more replies if that is made a bit easier.

Anyway, does your partner get along with his brothers and do they live close to you? I have been with my husband 7 years too and I would know his 2 brothers reasonably well as we all live in the same city and have gone out and such. Wanting to know your in-laws is normal and I am wondering how you don't know them after so many years as part of the family.

I think if you want to see more of the brothers, try and organise things with all of you together, as in your partner too. That way if there is a bit of a crush involved, there will be no window for anything to happen. When you have been together for a long time and someone else gives you attention and flirts a bit, it's easy to react to that. But if your relationship is good, it's definitely not worth getting further into.

redsun14

Mr loverman i think you have more or an issue with our ages than anything else i was 17 i was legal if u want to know we wer together for over 3 months before anything happened age is just a number of i was 30 and he was 40 when we met wud u still have this issue?

Mr. Loverman

redsun14 wrote: »

30 and he was 40 when we met wud u still have this issue?

30 and 40 year olds aren't children.

Open your mind to the possibility that this was an issue for his family.

Czarcasm

OP I get where you're coming from, but personally speaking, from experience, I think your friends (that are probably around the same age you are), are giving you terrible advice and just telling you what they think you want to hear.

Age may be just a number to you, but not everyone thinks the same way you do, and while you might want to get on with your boyfriends older brother, you have to consider the possibility that he has no interest in you and has no interest in getting to know you as he may see you as far too young to have anything in common with you that you could talk about.

The fact he looks at you when you're in the room could be you just reading into things too much, and the fact that you get on with his younger brother isn't surprising, you're bound to have more in common with him. Sometimes too it can be just peoples personality and nothing against you at all, but the harder you try to fix what you see as an issue, the more obsessive you become with fixing it.

Perhaps just accept that that's the way his brother is, rather than try and force the issue, because that's likely to blow up in your face rather than anything good come of it.

mrty

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

It might be a factor though. It's possible the brother never approved of your relationship as he thought it was creepy.[/quote

You obviously think its creepy
So my question to you is who are you to decide whats creepy. You dont know these people. She asked for advice not small minded waffle. Oh and with a name like mr loverman, you dont see nothing creepy about that.

Neyite

Details, your anon post will NOT be approved by a mod, for many reasons - nitpicking, personal abuse, grammar nazi, and not meeting the charter guidelines of being civil, constructive and helpful to the OP.

Read the charter before posting again.

thegreatgonzo

mrty wrote: »

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

It might be a factor though. It's possible the brother never approved of your relationship as he thought it was creepy.[/quote

You obviously think its creepy
So my question to you is who are you to decide whats creepy. You dont know these people. She asked for advice not small minded waffle. Oh and with a name like mr loverman, you dont see nothing creepy about that.

People give their opinions here. Personally I would be concerned about a relationship between a 16 year old and a 26 year old also. And I'm sorry Redsun, but your post reads like you are still 16 with a lot of growing up to do. I think you are giving far too much thought to your brother's brother.