Possible Alcohol Problem

DukeOfTheSharp

I got a very desperate text today from a friend of mine, he felt like something was seriously wrong with his relationship, so I asked him to explain. What follows is pretty strange and uncharted territory for me, but I felt that it may be an alcohol issue. (forgive the dramatic tone and how long this is)

Friday night: his girlfriend's depression spiked again, panic attacks ensued and she didn't know where they were coming from. He managed to calm her down, and everything seemed to be ok. Saturday: Girlfriend decided she wanted to take a three hour journey to visit some friends, unknown to the chap, she was going down to drink. He was doing his usual messaging her, just the basics to see how she was doing, when she stopped pretty suddenly. He didn't panic, he thought she was just chatting and having a few drinks, nothing major and he wasn't put out in the slightest. A couple of hours later, he got a call from someone at the party, the girlfriend took the phone and informed him that she would talk to him the following day when she's sober, though she never had a problem doing that prior to that moment, which he found sort of weird, and he told her it didn't matter and she could still contact him, she laughed and hung up the phone.

The guy kind of felt put out and it's reasonable, I think, given that this was essentially moving the goal-posts of the relationship for a thing that hadn't mattered, which seems too small to change really, in my opinion, you could argue that it wasn't that big a deal anyway. The following day, he woke up to find status updates on facebook from her, but nothing from her privately, so understandably, he was pretty worried and fairly annoyed that he was being ignored. He text me at this point, pretty much told me all of this, and my response was that he should send a neutral-toned message asking if everything was ok, that if there was a problem she could confide in him, just to break the issue of pride. She apparently didn't think anything was wrong, and he explained to her why he was both worried and annoyed. What followed was the most confused and really worrying set of messages I've ever had relayed to me: initially, she said it wasn't her intention, that she didn't mean to do it and make him feel like he was being ignored. Then, he asked why she did it in the first place, she said she didn't want to be stuck in her phone all night, something the guy wasn't demanding, so there was already some tension there. I told him to keep going, that these were excuses, not a reason. So he did, and it eventually got to the point that she admitted she felt terrible and wanted to just get drunk, that she was having fun, and didn't think. Also, she added that nothing was wrong with it, and that he didn't trust her. To make matters even worse, she had a family obligation the day after the party, pretty early in the day, so she had to haul her way back, hungover, to her home.

Now I don't know about anyone else, but when he relayed this to me, holy crap, was I shocked because that...doesn't sound remotely healthy. He eventually asked me if it was a drinking problem and I said that it may be possible, given her lack of contact, her drinking so much and her aggression at his response (it got so bad she apparently said she accused him of saying she was a crazy person). So I'm wondering, with all that information, is she, in fact, suffering from an alcohol problem? I honestly want to be proven wrong here, for his sake I'd love to be proven wrong, but to me it seems like she's avoiding her problems, and him, for a drink.

mylefttesticle

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

I got a very desperate text today from a friend of mine, he felt like something was seriously wrong with his relationship, so I asked him to explain. What follows is pretty strange and uncharted territory for me, but I felt that it may be an alcohol issue. (forgive the dramatic tone and how long this is)

Friday night: his girlfriend's depression spiked again, panic attacks ensued and she didn't know where they were coming from. He managed to calm her down, and everything seemed to be ok. Saturday: Girlfriend decided she wanted to take a three hour journey to visit some friends, unknown to the chap, she was going down to drink. He was doing his usual messaging her, just the basics to see how she was doing, when she stopped pretty suddenly. He didn't panic, he thought she was just chatting and having a few drinks, nothing major and he wasn't put out in the slightest. A couple of hours later, he got a call from someone at the party, the girlfriend took the phone and informed him that she would talk to him the following day when she's sober, though she never had a problem doing that prior to that moment, which he found sort of weird, and he told her it didn't matter and she could still contact him, she laughed and hung up the phone.

The guy kind of felt put out and it's reasonable, I think, given that this was essentially moving the goal-posts of the relationship for a thing that hadn't mattered, which seems too small to change really, in my opinion, you could argue that it wasn't that big a deal anyway. The following day, he woke up to find status updates on facebook from her, but nothing from her privately, so understandably, he was pretty worried and fairly annoyed that he was being ignored. He text me at this point, pretty much told me all of this, and my response was that he should send a neutral-toned message asking if everything was ok, that if there was a problem she could confide in him, just to break the issue of pride. She apparently didn't think anything was wrong, and he explained to her why he was both worried and annoyed. What followed was the most confused and really worrying set of messages I've ever had relayed to me: initially, she said it wasn't her intention, that she didn't mean to do it and make him feel like he was being ignored. Then, he asked why she did it in the first place, she said she didn't want to be stuck in her phone all night, something the guy wasn't demanding, so there was already some tension there. I told him to keep going, that these were excuses, not a reason. So he did, and it eventually got to the point that she admitted she felt terrible and wanted to just get drunk, that she was having fun, and didn't think. Also, she added that nothing was wrong with it, and that he didn't trust her. To make matters even worse, she had a family obligation the day after the party, pretty early in the day, so she had to haul her way back, hungover, to her home.

Now I don't know about anyone else, but when he relayed this to me, holy crap, was I shocked because that...doesn't sound remotely healthy. He eventually asked me if it was a drinking problem and I said that it may be possible, given her lack of contact, her drinking so much and her aggression at his response (it got so bad she apparently said she accused him of saying she was a crazy person). So I'm wondering, with all that information, is she, in fact, suffering from an alcohol problem? I honestly want to be proven wrong here, for his sake I'd love to be proven wrong, but to me it seems like she's avoiding her problems, and him, for a drink.

There is no context here! She had a panic attack, lots of people do, she went out had some drinks and just wanted to blow off some steam, I know alcohol and panic attacks don't mix very well but you cant let anxiety dictate your life.

Without some sort of context as in does she usually act like this? Does she drink everyday? Does it effect her relationship on a on-going basis?

I mean if I was her and I found out my BF had shared private texts with his friend for what seems like no good reason then I would be very angry.

Barely There

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

What followed was the most confused and really worrying set of messages I've ever had relayed to me:

You and the bf both sound like total drama queens imo.

R.D. aka MR.D

Are you sure that you want to get this involved in your friends relationship?

These kind of things have a nasty way of blowing up in the 'helpers' face.

DukeOfTheSharp

mylefttesticle wrote: »

There is no context here! She had a panic attack, lots of people do, she went out had some drinks and just wanted to blow off some steam, I know alcohol and panic attacks don't mix very well but you cant let anxiety dictate your life.

Without some sort of context as in does she usually act like this? Does she drink everyday? Does it effect her relationship on a on-going basis?

I mean if I was her and I found out my BF had shared private texts with his friend for what seems like no good reason then I would be very angry.

From what he told me, this is only a recent thing. It's not that she drinks every day, it's that when she does, she binges, fits maybe all her drinking into a small space of time and then stops. The real issue I think he's having is when her drinking suddenly affected him directly, that she cut all contact for around day or more and he had no idea if she was ok or not. It's all well and good saying 'she can do what she wants', but when she began accusing him out of the blue of things he never said or thought, can you really blame him for being confused? Again, I could be completely off base, but more than a few friends are concerned about her drinking habits, along with a sudden change in how she approaches her drinking makes me believe that he's copped the beginning of some nasty stuff.

Unfortunately, he's desperate, because this was such a sudden change for him, and I can understand that. When someone starts cutting contact to drink, when they've never done that before, warning lights start flashing. What seems like no good reason to you is a very good reason to him. Desperation made him turn to someone to figure out what's going on, I can't say that's something he'd do alone. Especially not when others have had the same issue, and they've mysteriously slighted her for expressing their concerns.

DukeOfTheSharp

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Are you sure that you want to get this involved in your friends relationship?

These kind of things have a nasty way of blowing up in the 'helpers' face.

I really don't, but if someone turns to me, I want to at least give them decent advice. A small detail I left out is that other friends of theirs have had problems with her drinking before, and the ones that have suddenly 'done' something to her that made her ignore them. If a friend of mine is dealing with a situation like that, I'd at least like to let the guy know he's got some support here. I don't plan on doing anything more than supporting the chap, it's up to him to do what he thinks is best. My involvement ends pretty much when he doesn't contact me, but I'm worried about him, it sounds like a concerning situation.

mylefttesticle

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

From what he told me, this is only a recent thing. It's not that she drinks every day, it's that when she does, she binges, fits maybe all her drinking into a small space of time and then stops. The real issue I think he's having is when her drinking suddenly affected him directly, that she cut all contact for around day or more and he had no idea if she was ok or not. It's all well and good saying 'she can do what she wants', but when she began accusing him out of the blue of things he never said or thought, can you really blame him for being confused? Again, I could be completely off base, but more than a few friends are concerned about her drinking habits, along with a sudden change in how she approaches her drinking makes me believe that he's copped the beginning of some nasty stuff.

Unfortunately, he's desperate, because this was such a sudden change for him, and I can understand that. When someone starts cutting contact to drink, when they've never done that before, warning lights start flashing. What seems like no good reason to you is a very good reason to him. Desperation made him turn to someone to figure out what's going on, I can't say that's something he'd do alone. Especially not when others have had the same issue, and they've mysteriously slighted her for expressing their concerns.

Well on one hand there is some warning signs but vague ones also.

It is really difficult to give good advice because your being fed only what your friend tells you and not that he is lying but some people do over react about their spouses drinking and going out.

Probably the best course of action is to tell your friend to sit down and discuss his worries with his GF.

If it is making him very unhappy and stressed tell him to walk.

R.D. aka MR.D

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

I really don't, but if someone turns to me, I want to at least give them decent advice. A small detail I left out is that other friends of theirs have had problems with her drinking before, and the ones that have suddenly 'done' something to her that made her ignore them. If a friend of mine is dealing with a situation like that, I'd at least like to let the guy know he's got some support here. I don't plan on doing anything more than supporting the chap, it's up to him to do what he thinks is best. My involvement ends pretty much when he doesn't contact me, but I'm worried about him, it sounds like a concerning situation.

Well if my friend were in that situation and I was going to give them advice, i would tell them to first of make a decision about whether or not he is willing to accept her behaviour. If he is willing to support her no matter what i.e if she continues drinking or gives up.

Once he has got his head sorted about what he wants he should sit down with her a discuss it. If she is not willing to give him what he wants or they can't reach an acceptable compromise then he needs to break up with her.

I come from a long line of alcoholics and my first relationship was for 4 years with a guy with a drinking problem. Only your friend can decide what is best for him and what behaviour he is willing to accept. From my own personal experience, if she is not willing to make a change or even accept that what she did was unacceptable behaviour, then your friend would be best to move on from the relationship.

The only piece of really practical advise I have is that I wouldn't go in accusing any one of being an alcoholic. That is most likely going to end up making some one very very defensive. Come at the problem from the angle of wanting a healthy relationship with mutual respect and love.

DukeOfTheSharp

mylefttesticle wrote: »

Well on one hand there is some warning signs but vague ones also.

It is really difficult to give good advice because your being fed only what your friend tells you and not that he is lying but some people do over react about their spouses drinking and going out.

Probably the best course of action is to tell your friend to sit down and discuss his worries with his GF.

If it is making him very unhappy and stressed tell him to walk.

Yeah, I'm aware that he could very well be overreacting, I mean it all depends really.

I've told him to do just that, that he needs to talk to her, but the problem I see from his point-of-view is that she's very, very defensive in regards to believing she's done anything wrong. The fact that she came to an accusatory conclusion seems to be that she's starting down a path that she doesn't want to even register, and that his concerns aren't worth thinking about. To place blame on him, and to give a range of excuses when the real issue is that she 'felt bad' (I'm guessing this is depression), seems really...well I'm not saying she's an alcoholic, but an abuser of alcohol would be my first port of call. Especially when you turn genuine concern/worry into a reason to get angry at someone.

I think he should at least keep an open mind about it. The main problem I see there is that she could promise never to overdo it again, wait a couple of months, then binge. Leaving might be his best option, but talking it out is his first.

Saipanne

I wouldn't trust her, to be honest.

DukeOfTheSharp

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Well if my friend were in that situation and I was going to give them advice, i would tell them to first of make a decision about whether or not he is willing to accept her behaviour. If he is willing to support her no matter what i.e if she continues drinking or gives up.

Once he has got his head sorted about what he wants he should sit down with her a discuss it. If she is not willing to give him what he wants or they can't reach an acceptable compromise then he needs to break up with her.

I come from a long line of alcoholics and my first relationship was for 4 years with a guy with a drinking problem. Only your friend can decide what is best for him and what behaviour he is willing to accept. From my own personal experience, if she is not willing to make a change or even accept that what she did was unacceptable behaviour, then your friend would be best to move on from the relationship.

The only piece of really practical advise I have is that I wouldn't go in accusing any one of being an alcoholic. That is most likely going to end up making some one very very defensive. Come at the problem from the angle of wanting a healthy relationship with mutual respect and love.

Ok, so support is a key part of this whole thing, that makes sense.

Right, so talking it out and making a decision is his best course of action, I've told him something similar to that.

It does seem like she didn't even comprehend that there was a problem, and quickly turned the whole situation into accusations involving trust and her mental state being questioned. What's really worrying is the mountain of excuses to hide the real reason behind what was, at least to me, a really long and stressful journey. I mean, according to what he was saying, she hates nightclubs with a passion, but the people she was drinking with love them...so she knowingly went to do something she disliked, just to drink with people who would enable her. Then she cuts out someone who cares? I've never dealt with alcohol-related issues before, so I really can't advise as I don't know much, this is the perspective I needed.

Yeah, accusations need to be kept to a minimum, while I don't know about the friends with the issues, I don't think anyone ever accused her of being an alcoholic, but then again, I'm still working off of second-hand information.

DukeOfTheSharp

Saipanne wrote: »

I wouldn't trust her, to be honest.

How so?

mylefttesticle

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

Yeah, I'm aware that he could very well be overreacting, I mean it all depends really.

I've told him to do just that, that he needs to talk to her, but the problem I see from his point-of-view is that she's very, very defensive in regards to believing she's done anything wrong. The fact that she came to an accusatory conclusion seems to be that she's starting down a path that she doesn't want to even register, and that his concerns aren't worth thinking about. To place blame on him, and to give a range of excuses when the real issue is that she 'felt bad' (I'm guessing this is depression), seems really...well I'm not saying she's an alcoholic, but an abuser of alcohol would be my first port of call. Especially when you turn genuine concern/worry into a reason to get angry at someone.

I think he should at least keep an open mind about it. The main problem I see there is that she could promise never to overdo it again, wait a couple of months, then binge. Leaving might be his best option, but talking it out is his first.

Yeah I mean its very difficult to give constructive advice based on few details, all I will say is that if she is trying to turn things on to him and is not even open to a proper discussion without judgement or blame then that is really the biggest thing and the biggest red flag.

Saipanne

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

How so?

I would have dumped her for the Saturday night. No respect shown there. Says a lot.

DukeOfTheSharp

mylefttesticle wrote: »

Yeah I mean its very difficult to give constructive advice based on few details, all I will say is that if she is trying to turn things on to him and is not even open to a proper discussion without judgement or blame then that is really the biggest thing and the biggest red flag.

Sorry there isn't more detail, there are things I guess he didn't was to disclose to me, which is fair, and there are thing said that I don't particularly feel within my rights to say, but suffice to say, alcoholism is involved with apparently both sides of the family in varying degrees.
I thought that too, that the fact that the discussion was met with blame and anger when it could easily be solved with a bit of logic and respect says more than I think I ever could.

DukeOfTheSharp

Saipanne wrote: »

I would have dumped her for the Saturday night. No respect shown there. Says a lot.

It does, it seems like a really disrespectful thing given that up until now, from what I've been told, it was never a problem. It was near enough 24 hours before any contact was made, so worry would evolve into frustration and confusion. Seems like a nightmare to deal with really, I do hate when I hear of situations like this.

Saipanne

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

It does, it seems like a really disrespectful thing given that up until now, from what I've been told, it was never a problem. It was near enough 24 hours before any contact was made, so worry would evolve into frustration and confusion. Seems like a nightmare to deal with really, I do hate when I hear of situations like this.

Your mate needs to look after number one. I've dated women like that before, and got burned each time.

Carriexx

I'm sorry but I feel you are spending too much time getting involved in this. I think you should leave to your friend to sort out rather than you completely analysing it on here.

BQQ

Ok, let me start by saying I hope this isn't taken the wrong way as it seems i'm swimming against the tide of opinion here, but let me give you my gut reaction.

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

I got a very desperate text today from a friend of mine, he felt like something was seriously wrong with his relationship, so I asked him to explain. What follows is pretty strange and uncharted territory for me, but I felt that it may be an alcohol issue. (forgive the dramatic tone and how long this is)

Friday night: his girlfriend's depression spiked again, panic attacks ensued and she didn't know where they were coming from. He managed to calm her down, and everything seemed to be ok. Saturday: Girlfriend decided she wanted to take a three hour journey to visit some friends, unknown to the chap, she was going down to drink. He was doing his usual messaging her, just the basics to see how she was doing, when she stopped pretty suddenly. He didn't panic, he thought she was just chatting and having a few drinks, nothing major and he wasn't put out in the slightest. A couple of hours later, he got a call from someone at the party, the girlfriend took the phone and informed him that she would talk to him the following day when she's sober, though she never had a problem doing that prior to that moment, which he found sort of weird, and he told her it didn't matter and she could still contact him, she laughed and hung up the phone.

It seems likely that her friends were getting on her case about all the texting, so she stopped.
He evidently did not, so her friends were telling her to call and say she'd talk to him tomorrow. She was reluctant, so her friend made the call and stuck the phone in her hand. Standard girls night out stuff.

What's his usual messaging btw? more than a few seems a bit ott to me.

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

The guy kind of felt put out and it's reasonable, I think, given that this was essentially moving the goal-posts of the relationship for a thing that hadn't mattered, which seems too small to change really, in my opinion, you could argue that it wasn't that big a deal anyway. The following day, he woke up to find status updates on facebook from her, but nothing from her privately, so understandably, he was pretty worried and fairly annoyed that he was being ignored. He text me at this point, pretty much told me all of this, and my response was that he should send a neutral-toned message asking if everything was ok, that if there was a problem she could confide in him, just to break the issue of pride. She apparently didn't think anything was wrong, and he explained to her why he was both worried and annoyed.

Yes, i would say it's no big deal.
What seems worrying to me is that he was so worried/upset/annoyed that she hadn't contacted him for how long? - A few hours since she woke up hungover??

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

What followed was the most confused and really worrying set of messages I've ever had relayed to me: initially, she said it wasn't her intention, that she didn't mean to do it and make him feel like he was being ignored. Then, he asked why she did it in the first place, she said she didn't want to be stuck in her phone all night, something the guy wasn't demanding, so there was already some tension there. I told him to keep going, that these were excuses, not a reason. So he did, and it eventually got to the point that she admitted she felt terrible and wanted to just get drunk, that she was having fun, and didn't think. Also, she added that nothing was wrong with it, and that he didn't trust her. To make matters even worse, she had a family obligation the day after the party, pretty early in the day, so she had to haul her way back, hungover, to her home.

These all seem like honest answers, not excuses. The reason there are three different answers is because your friend didn't accept the first or the second.
She didn't intend to upset him. True.
She didn't want to be stuck replying to messages all night when she was catching up with friends. True.
She wanted to get drunk, was having fun and didn't think it would be an issue. True.

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

Now I don't know about anyone else, but when he relayed this to me, holy crap, was I shocked because that...doesn't sound remotely healthy. He eventually asked me if it was a drinking problem and I said that it may be possible, given her lack of contact, her drinking so much and her aggression at his response (it got so bad she apparently said she accused him of saying she was a crazy person). So I'm wondering, with all that information, is she, in fact, suffering from an alcohol problem? I honestly want to be proven wrong here, for his sake I'd love to be proven wrong, but to me it seems like she's avoiding her problems, and him, for a drink.

She went out and got drunk with some friends. It is not a regular thing you note in a later post.
This is not in any way unusual in this and many other countries, rightly or wrongly. I certainly wouldn't say she has a drinking problem - no more than half the country anyway.

He may have suggested it had something to do with her depression, which sparked the angry reaction.

I don't know if she's avoiding her problems, but it's possible she's avoiding your friend as he seems a bit suffocating.
Does the depression/panic attacks only manifest themselves in his presence?


As i say, just my gut reaction and I may be wrong, but something to consider.

Teyla Emmagan

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

It does, it seems like a really disrespectful thing given that up until now, from what I've been told, it was never a problem. It was near enough 24 hours before any contact was made, so worry would evolve into frustration and confusion. Seems like a nightmare to deal with really, I do hate when I hear of situations like this.

24 hours and it's a crisis. God be with the days before we had phones and Facebook and you could go out and let off steam without someone hanging out of you and analysing your ever movement/message. Not to mention chalking you down for not getting back to them fast enough.

I would think she cuts contact so she won't have her boyfriend (and you, not that she knows it) suffocating her.

robbiezero

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

Yeah, I'm aware that he could very well be overreacting, I mean it all depends really.

Could be quite likely given your

What followed was the most confused and really worrying set of messages I've ever had relayed to me

DukeOfTheSharp

BQQ wrote: »

Ok, let me start by saying I hope this isn't taken the wrong way as it seems i'm swimming against the tide of opinion here, but let me give you my gut reaction.




It seems likely that her friends were getting on her case about all the texting, so she stopped.
He evidently did not, so her friends were telling her to call and say she'd talk to him tomorrow. She was reluctant, so her friend made the call and stuck the phone in her hand. Standard girls night out stuff.

What's his usual messaging btw? more than a few seems a bit ott to me.



Yes, i would say it's no big deal.
What seems worrying to me is that he was so worried/upset/annoyed that she hadn't contacted him for how long? - A few hours since she woke up hungover??



These all seem like honest answers, not excuses. The reason there are three different answers is because your friend didn't accept the first or the second.
She didn't intend to upset him. True.
She didn't want to be stuck replying to messages all night when she was catching up with friends. True.
She wanted to get drunk, was having fun and didn't think it would be an issue. True.



She went out and got drunk with some friends. It is not a regular thing you note in a later post.
This is not in any way unusual in this and many other countries, rightly or wrongly. I certainly wouldn't say she has a drinking problem - no more than half the country anyway.

He may have suggested it had something to do with her depression, which sparked the angry reaction.

I don't know if she's avoiding her problems, but it's possible she's avoiding your friend as he seems a bit suffocating.
Does the depression/panic attacks only manifest themselves in his presence?


As i say, just my gut reaction and I may be wrong, but something to consider.

Well that's perfectly fair. To tackle these in order:

Generally, from what I've seen when I'm around him, he's pretty lax. Just a text here or there, though apparently her phone is awful at receiving messages, so he or she may have to copy/paste texts multiple times.

Given the fact that the last text he received was just prior to when she met up with them, I doubt that. Then again, that's my assumption.

I'm going to try to deal with all the other parts at once to make it an easy read:

I'd argue that, even hungover and up a few hours, updating a facebook status instead of letting someone know you're ok seems to be a bit of a mixed up of priorities. Then again, that's just me, I find the need to constantly update facebook before interacting with people ridiculous, so that's a perspective. The problem is that even within regularity, one can still have an issue with drink, and normalising it is a problem in of itself. The fact that others have made a note of it too makes me wonder why the overriding concern. Given that she tends to do her own thing, and he his, the two seem to be in a weirdly healthy state, though I don't exactly feel it's best for either of them. Her depression seems to manifest in his absence, since the last panic attack occurred when he hadn't actually been in contact with her. She's prone to melodramatics too, from what I remember him saying, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's becoming frustrated with the inconsistencies he's dealing with.

DukeOfTheSharp

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

24 hours and it's a crisis. God be with the days before we had phones and Facebook and you could go out and let off steam without someone hanging out of you and analysing your ever movement/message. Not to mention chalking you down for not getting back to them fast enough.

I would think she cuts contact so she won't have her boyfriend (and you, not that she knows it) suffocating her.

Woah now, sorry I insulted you personally there with my question there friend. Maybe looking for a little advice was too much to ask for here? You know, I'm not above another point-of-view, but any relationship relies on a certain level of consistency and contact, especially in the days where long-distance can be a thing. I mean, we use the tools we have to make life easier, right? I'm certainly sure you wouldn't apply the same logic to a loved on who has emigrated. It's quite natural to get concerned when there's a sudden break in consistency, and turning to a friend for advice isn't an awful thing, at least in my opinion. You very readily disagree, but for extremely unhelpful reasons. Citing the 'good old days' and your own personal biases as 'advice' isn't helping anyone. I'm sorry this thread has caused you distress, it wasn't my intention to do so.

DukeOfTheSharp

Carriexx wrote: »

I'm sorry but I feel you are spending too much time getting involved in this. I think you should leave to your friend to sort out rather than you completely analysing it on here.

I'm not getting involved, I just want to give him some solid advice, which thanks to some posters (not all mind you), but some, I've gotten. The different perspectives were all I needed, but thanks for your concern. I plan to get out of dodge as soon as I possibly can and let him sort it himself, don't worry.

Czarcasm

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

Woah now, sorry I insulted you personally there with my question there friend. Maybe looking for a little advice was too much to ask for here? You know, I'm not above another point-of-view, but any relationship relies on a certain level of consistency and contact, especially in the days where long-distance can be a thing. I mean, we use the tools we have to make life easier, right? I'm certainly sure you wouldn't apply the same logic to a loved on who has emigrated. It's quite natural to get concerned when there's a sudden break in consistency, and turning to a friend for advice isn't an awful thing, at least in my opinion. You very readily disagree, but for extremely unhelpful reasons. Citing the 'good old days' and your own personal biases as 'advice' isn't helping anyone. I'm sorry this thread has caused you distress, it wasn't my intention to do so.

OP in all fairness, and genuinely I mean no disrespect, but you do seem to have a rather unhealthy investment in your friend and seem somewhat more concerned about him and his point of view, and show very little concern for anything from his girlfriends point of view.

It's... it's weird, to put it bluntly, and tbh I can't quite put my finger on why, but I mean, your friend feeding you all this information about his relationship and his girlfriend and then you're asking on here for advice, and taking it personally when people have suggested that perhaps just for your OWN sake, it might be better for you to take a step back and tell your friend to sort out his own issues with his girlfriend rather than drag you into their mess.

You can show concern for your friend, but the level of intimate knowledge you have of their relationship and even his girlfriends friends... for your own sake OP I think you need to tell your friend to respect his relationship and his girlfriends privacy and stop sharing everything with you to share on here (including the bits you conveniently initially left out, so God only knows what else you're leaving out or what your friend is leaving out!).

I'll presume you're all adults OP, so maybe best all round if you let your friend figure out what it is he wants from his relationship, rather than gossiping behind his girlfriends back to his mates about their relationship. It's disrespectful to you, it's disrespectful to his relationship, and it's disrespectful to his girlfriend.

Meauldsegosha

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

A couple of hours later, he got a call from someone at the party,

Why did this person ring your friend and what did they say to your friend?

BikeQueery

Stay out of it OP. And this is really a non issue. If anything your mate sounds like a hand-wringing head wrecker.

Lux23

If you want to give him advice, tell him not to be so clingy and to give the girl some space.