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Help with punctuation of thoughts.

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  • 27-07-2014 11:09am
    #1
    Duckee
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭


    Hi All,

    Can anyone clear up a problem I'm having with punctuating thought dialogue?

    Take for example the following:

    "Why is it," she thought, "do middle aged heifer’s like her always come to me, hanky in hand, when really what they need is a good psychiatrist who’s fast and loose with the prescription pad?"

    My question is how do you punctuate the 'she thought' section.

    I know in terms of dialogue you would normally add a full stop after she thought but it feels wrong here.

    Should the dialogue look like -

    "Why is it," she thought. "Do middle aged...." where i have a full stop and a capital letter?

    My big difficulty is that because I'm breaking up the sentence of dialogue with 'she thought' it feels wrong to add a full stop.

    Anyone have a definitive answer?


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    #2
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    First one is correct.

    Although, "Why is it" should be followed by "that" and not "do."

    You're looking at the bit inside the two sets of quote marks, and if they make one sentence when you take out the dialogue tag, it's a comma. If they make two, it's a full-stop.

    Also convention dictates that you only use quote marks for things spoken aloud. For inner thoughts, the text of the thought can be italicised. It's getting more and more acceptable not to italicise at all, as it still scans fine for the reader. I tend to follow this new thinking. Seems neater or something.


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    #3
    alchemist33
    Registered Users Posts: 10,969 ✭✭✭✭alchemist33


    The comma is fine, and would be if it were dialogue as well. You could use italics for the thoughts either, instead of inverted commas.

    Btw, there's a rogue apostrophe in "heifer's" as well ;)


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    #4
    Duckee
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭Duckee


    That's brilliant guys. Thanks for the responses.

    I thought the first one looked ok but was tying myself up in knots over it.

    I'll fix up those other naughty punctuation errors also ;)


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    #5
    Brian Lighthouse
    Registered Users Posts: 514 ✭✭✭Brian Lighthouse


    If in doubt - leave it out

    She pondered her predicament and wondered why that pre-menopausal, permanent hanky holding heifer invariably turned to her and clouded her day with incessant whinges and whines; when all "Betsy" needed was a lazy psychiatrist's prescriptional patch to pump her to the point of inflated elation.

    I took the liberty to play with your sentence - for a bit of fun for me - I don't know the context of where your sentence fits into your story so. It's just an example of what you could do if you ever get stuck like that again.


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