Row with neighbor

Flutterby80

Hi all I'd like to get your thoughts on something upsetting that happened this evening.
I've had the same neighbor for the last 7 years and always thought that she was just snobby and unfriendly. At the beginning I used to try and say hi but just got dirty looks so I gave up. She has a young son who is now a teenager, I used to give him a friendly hello but was ignored so gave up. For practically the last 7 years it's been a case of walking in and out of my house avoiding eye contact. Her son constantly kicks balls off the front wall of my house and has often hit my windows, I've never complained. The one time I ever got some noisy work done at home she came in and complained.
So today I had slabs laid in my front yard which is obviously quite dirty work and it won't be finished til tomorrow evening. I was walking through my gate this evening and she made a loud comment to her son about some stones that had gone over to her side of the fence, I asked her what she had said and she snapped at me "I wasn't talking to you" I'm not a confrontational person so my heart was pounding. I apologized for the mess and asked if I could help her clean. She ranted that dust had been swept into her front garden during the day, again I apologized and told her I hadnt been here all day, again I offered to help but she said no. She then went on to tell me that I've never once even said hello to her! She accused me and my sister of sniggering and laughing at her which we never would in a million years! I denied all this bit she was having none of it, I ended up just saying that I was sorry she felt that way.
I have rang the guy who's doing the work and asked him to make sure that there's no debris left in her garden ( which is a kip, not the point I know!). What I want to ask is I'm planning on getting my windows cleaned on Saturday morning, as it's very dusty work, should I get hers done too ? As a good will gesture and also as an up yours?
I'm sorry for the lengthy rant. I'm a really quiet person, I don't bother her or anyone else and I'm honestly shaken by this, I actually cried. I'm crap with confrontation, I'd appreciate your opinions, thanks for reading

corkgsxr

Only solution is at 2am paint one wall of her house lime green.

Apart from that ignore her she sounds like a moan

retro:electro

Wow, you're a better person than I. It's up to you really, but if my neighbour spoke to me like that there's absolutely no way I would pay money to have her windows cleaned. Let her get them cleaned herself if she likes, and she can tidy up her garden while she's at it, rude so and so!

howamidifferent

Paper bag , ****e, lighter, doorbell, knock, hide. ðŸ˜

Merkin

Jesus no. If you get her windows cleaned the crazy mare will think you're implying something! Just kill her with kindness by being overtly friendly very time you see her but keep your distance, she sounds like a nightmare!

Flutterby80

anna080 wrote: »

Wow, you're a better person than I. It's up to you really, but if my neighbour spoke to me like that there's absolutely no way I would pay money to have her windows cleaned. Let her get them cleaned herself if she likes, and she can tidy up her garden while she's at it, rude so and so!

Do you think?? It's dust caused by the work in my front garden so I thought maybe I should. I'm annoyed at myself for not sticking up for myself more but I was caught on the hop and as I say I'm really bad with confrontation. I did apologise in fairness. What upset me the most was her accusing me and my sister of laughing at her, so not the kind of person I am!

Flutterby80

Merkin wrote: »

Jesus no. If you get her windows cleaned the crazy mare will think you're implying something! Just kill her with kindness by being overtly friendly very time you see her but keep your distance, she sounds like a nightmare!

Thanks Merkin I'm honestly dreading running into her which is inevitable as she's right next door

retro:electro

Flutterby80 wrote: »

Do you think?? It's dust caused by the work in my front garden so I thought maybe I should. I'm annoyed at myself for not sticking up for myself more but I was caught on the hop and as I say I'm really bad with confrontation. I did apologise in fairness. What upset me the most was her accusing me and my sister of laughing at her, so not the kind of person I am!

Just ignore her. She's obviously just a grump, and quite paranoid/delusional too.

Czarcasm

Flutterby80 wrote: »

What I want to ask is I'm planning on getting my windows cleaned on Saturday morning, as it's very dusty work, should I get hers done too ? As a good will gesture and also as an up yours?

OP that sounds more like the motivation is just an up yours than any good intent behind it, and that's the wrong attitude, which you know well is bound to set your neighbor off again. If you hadn't said "also as an up yours", I would probably have fully understood your apparent frustration, but that just changed the whole context of your post and it came across in a very passive aggressive tone.

I think both of you are as much at fault as each other, based on my experience of feuding neighbors. I can't see any reason why you'd want to appease this woman tbh, and I can see why she might think, well, if I was to view the situation from the outside, I'd think you both had chips on your shoulders and were a bit up yourselves.

I genuinely can't see any amicable solution for either party and the best I could suggest is that you continue to ignore each other, and get on with your lives without this sort of petty behavior. If your neighbor or her son is honestly that much of a nuisance or is actually persistently harassing you in any way, then you should perhaps keep a record of all incidents and make a complaint to the Gardai, though I'm not sure there's much they'll do about it either unless it's actually a criminal offence.

You're under no obligation to appease your neighbor, so just ignore her if you don't wish to entertain a confrontation.

ABajaninCork

She ain't all the ticket, love. I'm with Merkin. DON'T clean her windows. If she wants them cleaned, let the snotty cow clean them herself. And every time you see her, smile broadly and wish her a 'pleasant good morning/pleasant good night' Guaranteed to drive her nuts!

She's probably jealous that your place is looking better than hers...:pac:

The Peanut

This woman will never be happy. Spend your " good will gesture" on a bottle of wine, tune her out and move on.

Don't let her into your head.

Flutterby80

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP that sounds more like the motivation is just an up yours than any good intent behind it, and that's the wrong attitude, which you know well is bound to set your neighbor off again. If you hadn't said "also as an up yours", I would probably have fully understood your apparent frustration, but that just changed the whole context of your post and it came across in a very passive aggressive tone.

I think both of you are as much at fault as each other, based on my experience of feuding neighbors. I can't see any reason why you'd want to appease this woman tbh, and I can see why she might think, well, if I was to view the situation from the outside, I'd think you both had chips on your shoulders and were a bit up yourselves.

I genuinely can't see any amicable solution for either party and the best I could suggest is that you continue to ignore each other, and get on with your lives without this sort of petty behavior. If your neighbor or her son is honestly that much of a nuisance or is actually persistently harassing you in any way, then you should perhaps keep a record of all incidents and make a complaint to the Gardai, though I'm not sure there's much they'll do about it either unless it's actually a criminal offence.

You're under no obligation to appease your neighbor, so just ignore her if you don't wish to entertain a confrontation.

Thanks for your reply, I can assure you that I am not at all "up myself" I'm just a quiet person who doesn't put in or out on anyone. I wrote the post within an hour of the situation occurring so I was still quite wound up and upset. To be honest I did feel bad about the mess and genuinely apologized to the woman. I really don't think it's a situation for the gardai, that's taking it a bit far! Maybe in future I will be a bit more vocal when sliotars hit my sitting room window at 10pm at night though!

harry Bailey esq

howamidifferent wrote: »

Paper bag , ****e, lighter, doorbell, knock, hide. ðŸ˜

This. follow the instructions above and and repeat,always repeat.

Tokyo

corkgsxr, howamidifferent, harry Bailey esq - as per the forum charter, if you have nothing relevant to add to the topic, please refrain from posting anything at all. Childish suggestions like these are not welcome here, and next time will result in an infraction or ban.

Regards,
Mike

harry Bailey esq

mike_ie wrote: »

howamidifferent, harry Bailey esq - as per the forum charter, if you have nothing relevant to add to the topic, please refrain from posting anything at all. Childish suggestions like these are not welcome here, and next time will result in an infraction or ban.

Regards,
Mike

point taken,i had it in my head i was posting in after hours,only copped on i was posting in personal issues after i had posted. apologies to the op if i caused any offence,if i did it wasnt intended. Harry.

Dutchess

OP, that's a sucky situation to be in! Especially when you're non-confrontational, something I am myself.
But seriously, if you start overcompensating, you're telling this person that the nastier she is, the more she will get from you.

I'd make well sure to tell the kid/mother as well to use their own house for kicking the ball against. I'd be willing to bet the mother told the lad to use your house as she's afraid the ball will go through her window. And if you get a chance snap a pic of him with the ball too so that if it ever does go through, you have something to show the Gardai.

suicide_circus

^^^^I wouldn't advise taking covert photos of kids playing on the street

Rubberchikken

Aboid her completely.
Dont talk to her, dont answer her back. And please dont clean her windows.

You cant win with someone like that and it could end up with things getting worse.
Please avoid her and her family for your sake.

The Princess Bride

Be the better person, OP.
Always smile and say "Hello" when you see her, no matter how frustrated you really feel-then continue minding your own business.

What you probably don't realise, is that she is most likely this way with everybody she meets.In my experience, people like this usually are.
Tell yourself the problem isn't you -and keep smiling.

Icsics

She is just an odd person, don't waste your time or energy trying to placate her. You will never win, stay well away

Dutchess

suicide_circus wrote: »

^^^^I wouldn't advise taking covert photos of kids playing on the street

Neither would I and I knew that reaction would probably come. But if there was a likelihood that a person of any age will do damage that I will have to pay for, I would want to be prepared.

But it's up to the OP. Whatever makes them feel best.

geeksauce

Definitely don't get her windows cleaned for her it will just give her the idea that if she moans at you about something you will give her some more free stuff. Ignore her and forget about her.

kylith

If you give this woman an inch she'll take a mile. Capitulate over the windows and she'll find something else to complain about.

CaraMay

Flutterby80 wrote: »

Do you think?? It's dust caused by the work in my front garden so I thought maybe I should. I'm annoyed at myself for not sticking up for myself more but I was caught on the hop and as I say I'm really bad with confrontation. I did apologise in fairness. What upset me the most was her accusing me and my sister of laughing at her, so not the kind of person I am!

By paying for her windows you are continuing to not stand up for yourself.

Flutterby80

CaraMay wrote: »

By paying for her windows you are continuing to not stand up for yourself.

Thanks everyone for all the replys.I just want to update ye, when I arrived home yesterday the work was finished so I decided to wash my own windows (I'm broke til I get paid!) and I gave the fence between our 2 houses a good scrub as it was very dusty.
Later on she came in and thanked me for cleaning the fence and more importantly apologised for her behaviour the other night. She said she had had a bad day and I got the brunt of it. I accepted her apology and we actually had our first ever chat! She asked me if we could start again so I said of course we could.

So, alls well that ends well, I'm relieved this is resolved and in a funny way maybe it was a good thing that she exploded as at least now I don't have to go in and out dreading crossing her path. I will proceed with caution but hopefully things will be normal now! Thanks again for the advice.

Babooshka

Flutterby80 wrote: »

She said she had had a bad day and I got the brunt of it. I accepted her apology and we actually had our first ever chat! .

That's really good news having read your full thread...I would just advise against getting too pally with her to start though as she sounds like a loose cannon. Having a bad day doesn't excuse being a bitch to someone. So it's great you can be polite and friendly to each other from now on, but I wouldn't tell her my business or anything until you're sure she isn't crazy, you have to tread carefully around people you don't know too well. It's a good start though.

Dutchess

Babooshka wrote: »

That's really good news having read your full thread...I would just advise against getting too pally with her to start though as she sounds like a loose cannon. Having a bad day doesn't excuse being a bitch to someone. So it's great you can be polite and friendly to each other from now on, but I wouldn't tell her my business or anything until you're sure she isn't crazy, you have to tread carefully around people you don't know too well. It's a good start though.

Seconded. And if something happens, don't be afraid to say something about it. Don't let fear of ruining your new and improved relationship stop you from standing up for yourself. I would still ask for the kid to play with balls away from (at least your) windows or other fragile things.

I'll stop being a downer now;) Enjoy your weekend.

Raminahobbin

Flutterby80 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the replys.I just want to update ye, when I arrived home yesterday the work was finished so I decided to wash my own windows (I'm broke til I get paid!) and I gave the fence between our 2 houses a good scrub as it was very dusty.
Later on she came in and thanked me for cleaning the fence and more importantly apologised for her behaviour the other night. She said she had had a bad day and I got the brunt of it. I accepted her apology and we actually had our first ever chat! She asked me if we could start again so I said of course we could.

So, alls well that ends well, I'm relieved this is resolved and in a funny way maybe it was a good thing that she exploded as at least now I don't have to go in and out dreading crossing her path. I will proceed with caution but hopefully things will be normal now! Thanks again for the advice.

That's a great ending to the issue OP

The older I get, the more I really, really appreciate someone who is able to apologise about something rather than let things get out of hand. It took some ladyballs for her to knock into the neighbour she barely knows and apologise for eating the head off her. Very, very few people would have done the same, sadly.

Hopefully your relationship with her will be pleasant and without incident from now on.