Opening Prologue To My Novel

WomanSkirtFan8

"There are many mysteries in this world and some of these are best left alone. For every good, there is an evil. For every action, there is always a consequence. Others however, can draw you ,as well as many other innocents, in to them whether you wish it or not. My name is Andrea and I am a modern-day witch. This is my story...."

This is part of the opening prologue to a novel I am currently working on. Don't know if this should be any longer or not but any helpful or constructive thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.

pickarooney

I don't know why you have put the lines about good and evil, action and consequence between the first sentence and its logical continuation in the second. They don't seem to be related at all.

MagicMarker

Finish the novel, then worry about the prologue.

Duckee

Hi,

I think it's a little hard to say too much about it as it's quite short but overall it seems a bit too general. You could say these things about mystery and good and evil and they could relate to many novels.

As a prologue you want to hook the reader in, give them some reason why it is worth following Andrea and her story in this mystery. It sounds like, in your novel, that Andrea opens Pandora's box after doing her best to stay out of things. So you could be a bit more specific about where she ends up, what it is she does etc - without giving away too much of your plot.

For example, you could write something like the below (very clunky and written quickly but you get the idea), which tells the reader just a little about what happened and gives them a reason to follow this story:

"Some mysteries are best left alone. When your best friend disappears on the day you both graduate from Ms. Wicket's school for witches, you should just walk away. Sometimes people don't want to be found and some mysteries don't want to be solved. My name is Andrea, and this is my story"

I hope that helps.

WomanSkirtFan8

Duckee wrote: »

Hi,

I think it's a little hard to say too much about it as it's quite short but overall it seems a bit too general. You could say these things about mystery and good and evil and they could relate to many novels.

As a prologue you want to hook the reader in, give them some reason why it is worth following Andrea and her story in this mystery. It sounds like, in your novel, that Andrea opens Pandora's box after doing her best to stay out of things. So you could be a bit more specific about where she ends up, what it is she does etc - without giving away too much of your plot.

For example, you could write something like the below (very clunky and written quickly but you get the idea), which tells the reader just a little about what happened and gives them a reason to follow this story:

"Some mysteries are best left alone. When your best friend disappears on the day you both graduate from Ms. Wicket's school for witches, you should just walk away. Sometimes people don't want to be found and some mysteries don't want to be solved. My name is Andrea, and this is my story"

I hope that helps.

yes they do indeed. some really interesting ideas there. I'm in the middle of writing the first chapter and will post some of that soon.

Duckee

Great. I'll look forward to reading some more when you post it.

WomanSkirtFan8

Duckee wrote: »

Hi,

I think it's a little hard to say too much about it as it's quite short but overall it seems a bit too general. You could say these things about mystery and good and evil and they could relate to many novels.

As a prologue you want to hook the reader in, give them some reason why it is worth following Andrea and her story in this mystery. It sounds like, in your novel, that Andrea opens Pandora's box after doing her best to stay out of things. So you could be a bit more specific about where she ends up, what it is she does etc - without giving away too much of your plot.

For example, you could write something like the below (very clunky and written quickly but you get the idea), which tells the reader just a little about what happened and gives them a reason to follow this story:

"Some mysteries are best left alone. When your best friend disappears on the day you both graduate from Ms. Wicket's school for witches, you should just walk away. Sometimes people don't want to be found and some mysteries don't want to be solved. My name is Andrea, and this is my story"

I hope that helps.

Hi there. yes it certainly does. I should point out as well though that this isn't just Andrea's story. Her twin sister, Katherine, and Andrea's daughter, Lisa, are also involved.

WomanSkirtFan8

Here's a revised version of the prologue (Version #2):

Prologue (Version #2):

"What If I Told You Thay Magic Was Real? There are many deep and wonderful mysteries in this world. Some can be both beautiful and wonderous; others however, can be extremely frightening as well as long-lasting and, in some cases, life-changing.

One of these, are the magical arts. Now, I'm NOT talking about all that 'pretend magic' that you something see on television. I'm talking about REAL MAGIC!

My name is Andrea. I live in the town of Craughhill on the Galway-Westmeath border with my daughter Lisa and my sister, Katherine. We are all modern-day witches, descendants of the legendary Tuatha De Dannan and have faced many difficult, dangerous and emotional challenges. But none of these were as hard as the one were faced about three months ago. It all happened like this....."

FunLover18

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Here's a revised version of the prologue (Version #2):

Prologue (Version #2):

"What If I Told You Thay Magic Was Real? There are many deep and wonderful mysteries in this world. Some can be both beautiful and wonderous; others however, can be extremely frightening as well as long-lasting and, in some cases, life-changing.

One of these, are the magical arts. Now, I'm NOT talking about all that 'pretend magic' that you something see on television. I'm talking about REAL MAGIC!

My name is Andrea. I live in the town of Craughhill on the Galway-Westmeath border with my daughter Lisa and my sister, Katherine. We are all modern-day witches, descendants of the legendary Tuatha De Dannan and have faced many difficult, dangerous and emotional challenges. But none of these were as hard as the one were faced about three months ago. It all happened like this....."

I think it's well written but it's quite a lot of exposition before the novel even starts, and I think that if you're going to continue in the first person you might try to find a way to weave it into the story.

I think when opening a book with a question you've really got to consider what answer you want from your readers, because if you get the wrong answer you're automatically going to have a lot of reader putting it down and that's just after the first line. Worth bearing in mind.

You clearly have some big ideas though and the info presented clearly demonstrates that you've gone a long way towards developing them.

WomanSkirtFan8

FunLover18 wrote: »

I think it's well written but it's quite a lot of exposition before the novel even starts, and I think that if you're going to continue in the first person you might try to find a way to weave it into the story.

I think when opening a book with a question you've really got to consider what answer you want from your readers, because if you get the wrong answer you're automatically going to have a lot of reader putting it down and that's just after the first line. Worth bearing in mind.

You clearly have some big ideas though and the info presented clearly demonstrates that you've gone a long way towards developing them.

Ok right. Too much exposition then. So, I need to consider what the audience's answer will be? Right then, never thought of that.

I certainly have. Spent quiet a bit of time developing all those ideas.

km85264

I agree with Duckee above, too general. Give me something that grabs my attention completely: "I didn't realise I was going to kill him that night, but then, for a witch from Galway, life is never predictable..." Give me something that will stick in my head and make me want to find out more.
I'd also avoid using unnecessary capital letters; editors are really not keen on them.

WomanSkirtFan8

km85264 wrote: »

I agree with Duckee above, too general. Give me something that grabs my attention completely: "I didn't realise I was going to kill him that night, but then, for a witch from Galway, life is never predictable..." Give me something that will stick in my head and make me want to find out more.
I'd also avoid using unnecessary capital letters; editors are really not keen on them.

Okay then, what about something like this then: "I never thought it could actually happened but my sister somehow managed to betray me and my daughter. Then again,for all of us witches, life and indeed, magic itself is much more complex than anyone could imagine!"

km85264

That's very good, gives a preview, get's the juices flowing, quick and simple. Watch the typos though: "it could actually happened..."
Tip: always read your work out loud to yourself before posting, much greater chance of catching these.

WomanSkirtFan8

km85264 wrote: »

That's very good, gives a preview, get's the juices flowing, quick and simple. Watch the typos though: "it could actually happened..."
Tip: always read your work out loud to yourself before posting, much greater chance of catching these.

thanks. Right then. I'll keep a close eye on that!

WomanSkirtFan8

km85264 wrote: »

That's very good, gives a preview, get's the juices flowing, quick and simple. Watch the typos though: "it could actually happened..."
Tip: always read your work out loud to yourself before posting, much greater chance of catching these.

A slightly edited version:

"I never thought it could actually happen but.....my sister somehow managed to betray me and my daughter. Then again,for all of us witches, life and indeed, magic itself is much more complex than anyone could imagine!"