Coming clean to a close friend.

Waistb

Hi just looking for a bit of advice. I am a crossdresser and I am thinking of telling a close friend of mine. Should I just come out and say it or keep it to myself? I am afraid she might think I have been deceitful as I have hidden this for years.

Tokyo

I wish that I could give you a definitive yes or no OP, but you are the one who knows your friend best and how she will react. Do you have any reason to think that your crossdressing might be an issue for her? Or are you just concerned that she will feel betrayed that you have hidden this side of yourself from her?

LegacyUser

Waistb wrote: »

Hi just looking for a bit of advice. I am a crossdresser and I am thinking of telling a close friend of mine. Should I just come out and say it or keep it to myself? I am afraid she might think I have been deceitful as I have hidden this for years.

can you trust her? is she a gossipy type person? if she is the type of person who talks about others looking for drama then dont tell her.

do you specifically want to tell anyone to get it off your chest or is it just something she should know as a close friend?

something like this can be good to tell but you have to watch who you tell if you want it to stay private

also girls might like hang around around with a cross dresser because it show how enlighten they are and it might make them more enclined to tell others

Waistb

mike_ie wrote: »

I wish that I could give you a definitive yes or no OP, but you are the one who knows your friend best and how she will react. Do you have any reason to think that your crossdressing might be an issue for her? Or are you just concerned that she will feel betrayed that you have hidden this side of yourself from her?

More the worry of betrayal Mike I suppose even if it wasn't crossdressing but something else, how would people on here feel about being lied to!

bee06

I think if I was your friend I would understand why you would be nervous about revealing it to someone/me and I would hope most people would feel the same.

Tokyo

Waistb wrote: »

More the worry of betrayal Mike I suppose even if it wasn't crossdressing but something else, how would people on here feel about being lied to!

Personally if it were a friend of mine I might feel a little meh that they didn't feel that they could trust me, but ultimately I'd understand why they needed to be sure and wouldn't hold it against them.

Rather than just coming clean, for want of a better word, have you thought of broaching the subject of crossdressing with her in the general sense, to get a feel for her thoughts on the subject? It may give you a better idea of how accepting she might be to you telling her about you...

Waistb

Yes that is what I was thinking of doing Mike.

freshpopcorn

Do you actually need to tell her? Would telling her benefit you?
We've all secrets from friends, it doesn't make them any less of friends if they don't know every detail of your life.

December2012

If you were my friend I wouldn't think you were lying to me or betraying me.

LegacyUser

It's a very difficult question for us to answer - a lot would depend on your friendship and the people involved.

I would wonder what your motivation for telling her is though. Why do you feel deceitful towards her? Crossdressing for the most part is something that is usually done in private - I don't think there would be an expectation that you should be telling people. Once you tell her would you want to crossdress in front of her or ask her to help you buy clothes etc? Would your secret become her secret to carry as well? What do you see the benefit of telling her?

If you just want to unburden this part of your life to her and feel she would want to know then tell her. If your friendship is that strong there will be no issue. But if you are telling her for slightly selfish reasons (and I don't mean that harshly, just honestly) have a good think about it beforehand. She may feel under pressure and ultimately could alter the dynamics of your friendship.

Best of luck anyway.

Rubberchikken

It's very much down to each individual.
Some people, me incl, wouldn't give it a second thought, some would be shocked, others would be upset you hid it from them.
Only you know your friend and how they might be likely to react.

If you've kept it to yourself them i understand how the need to share it with someone can be overwhelming. Good luck with your decision.

jellyboy

hi op

i would suggest that the feeling you have about lying is with yourself,you have kept the "cross dressing" a secret so long that you have made it feel like a lie to you ..

this "lie" is only in your head ,and you can't predict what reaction will have


if you are to be honest with your friend ,i would suggest that you find a safe space for yourself and start with the words

What I'm about to tell you is confidential and i wish you to respect my privacy

Im guessing and hoping that you are hugged and held and affirmed in friendship

LegacyUser

Is it a friend or someone you are hoping to begin a relationship with? The reason I ask is that I have exactly the same dilemma myself.

If you want to continue as good friends and you feel that you want to share this with her then I would tell her. Obviously though , you should take into account how you thinkl she is dealing with confidences. Although it is something I have shared, of necessity, with those I have had a relationship, I have only ever shared the information with one close friend who I was not having a relationship with.

If you are hoping to have a relationship with this close friend then you must tell her. As Mike_ie suggested, perhaps start with her general view on cross-dressing first.

In my own case, and I don't want to hijack your thread, I have to phone a new friend which I am hoping will develop into a relationship, and tell her about my own crossdressing. This is my third attempt as I have failed in the last two occasions I tried to tell her.

Good luck with your decision either way.

LegacyUser

A few years ago a close friend told me something confidential about herself. I probably should've been flattered that she felt that she could confide in me. But no, it changed the way I saw her and turned her into a different person in my mind. It led to our friendship fizzling out and we'd been friends for ten years.

If I was you I'd keep my mouth shut about this. I don't see why your friend should know unless you're hoping to turn the friendship into something more.

Corkgirl210

Go for it.. if they are a friend... they will support you no matter what.. if I was told.. (in which i was once by a general friend at the time.. I fully accepted it and was like.. I thought you were going to tell me something awful!!) was then able to offer advice on clothing etc

freshpopcorn

Rayanne2010 wrote: »

Go for it.. if they are a friend... they will support you no matter what.. if I was told.. (in which i was once by a general friend at the time.. I fully accepted it and was like.. I thought you were going to tell me something awful!!) was then able to offer advice on clothing etc

Be careful of just going for it. If you have a falling out with this friend(lets face it, it does happen) and she spreads it around to other people would you be able to live with that?

Earthhorse

You are actually in the best position to judge this for yourself OP as you know the person better than any of us and you also know what's at stake.

Speaking personally, a friend of mine, someone I'd known since my teens, told me he was a cross-dresser when we were in our 30s. My reaction was one of surprise followed by gladness, in that he trusted me and that I gained a fuller understanding of him.

Everyone in his social circle has been supportive of him but the only caveat I'll add is that some people have misconceptions about the whole thing. You may want to be prepared to answer, and maybe even invite, your friend's questions on what cross-dressing is and, perhaps more importantly, what it isn't.