Fancying Flatmate or - "Arggh ever fancy your flatmate?! 2" :)

Lavinia

well, there was a thread on the topic and moderator closed it after i replied like "its old", so i presume I'll have to open a new one....

previous one was here btw: boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055846197

and my post was this one:

ha, the guy just also erased my post too so i guess ill have to try to retype what i wrote!:

"well, he moved in in a middle of June so a month ago, he is really cool, hot and we have a great time together, watchin movies and world cup talking and all, he loves coming to my room even tried to "study" in a living room when i was there and watchin some tv.. i really have a crush on him but he is yes - my flatmate and btw he's movin to USA in beginning of December so guess not much point anyway.. but i have tbh and say id love to have something with him .. just m afraid cause i know it may be awkward, if anything goes wrong lol..
so really if anyone has an experience or good advice, id benefit from some atm...

i act friendly case i do not want to disturb anything, we do talk for hours i mean i presume he enjoys it since hes comin back for more :d)) but inside my head... im a .. mess..... cause i ve no idea if hes just friendly or more.. thanks thanks and thanks a lot!

retro:electro

I cannot make head nor tail of your post.

Czarcasm

anna080 wrote: »

I cannot make head nor tail of your post.

Basically the OP has a crush on her flatmate that's due to leave the country in a couple of months.

I wouldn't say anything if I were you OP tbh because he's due to leave in a couple of months, and even if he likes you the same way you like him, it's unlikely to go anywhere given that you're looking at a long distance relationship then when he goes.

I'd say enjoy his company and his friendship for what it is and don't try to push it, because that will end up with things becoming awkward not only when he has to leave, but also when there's so much distance between you both.

Lavinia

Czarcasm wrote: »

Basically the OP has a crush on her flatmate that's due to leave the country in a couple of months.

I wouldn't say anything if I were you OP tbh because he's due to leave in a couple of months, and even if he likes you the same way you like him, it's unlikely to go anywhere given that you're looking at a long distance relationship then when he goes.

I'd say enjoy his company and his friendship for what it is and don't try to push it, because that will end up with things becoming awkward not only when he has to leave, but also when there's so much distance between you both.

thanks, yes hes leavin but he already kind of mentioned hed be glad to have guests once hes in NY - u know what i mean.. but still, i know it all can be friendly so.. im trying to control myself and am going out with some other guys but its not easy when my flatmate started to spend weekends w me, so b4 he'd go out every thu fri sat, but lately not at all, he just comes make me tea and than we chat for hours, idk, m not "in my head" really so..
i noticed when i say some for example actor i like he always hv to say that actor s not that good or attractive or whatever :d)) (even jude law! :d)).. i find myself having images that is not helping me at all so trying to block it.. not always successfully tho'...

coffee_cake

OP please note forum charter - txtspk is not allowed.

Lavinia

anna080 wrote: »

I cannot make head nor tail of your post.

sorry anna, i presume my post seems hectic but that's how i am at the moment.. hope it is clearer now...

macplato

Gosh, OP, I was in almost exactly the same situation, exactly 2 years ago - down to a month! The similarities are quite freaky.

We also met in June as housemates, there were just the 2 of us in the apartment, and he was waiting for his permanent visa to Canada, planning to move as soon as he got it - which he expected would be some 6 months later.

We got on so, so well. We had loads in common, and couldn't get enough of each other. The chemistry between us was unreal - neither of us had ever felt anything like that before, we were on such a high, all of the time We talked a lot about how we felt, considered our options. For the first few months we were reluctant to do anything about our feelings, because of: his inevitable move, potential awkwardness if things didn't work out, potential loss of the budding friendship, and so on.

Meanwhile, he kept hinting about us being together, he asked if I'd consider moving to Canada, asked how I saw my future, whether I wanted to get married and have children. I liked him a lot. So much! But because I was quite ill at the time, it was very difficult for me to answer these questions, and frankly, no, I wouldn't have considered following someone to another country after knowing him only 6 months. I told him that. Reluctantly and anxiously, we were getting closer and more intimate each day - we couldn't resist it, really.

Eventually his visa came through, he quit his job, packed his bags and moved in with his parents, while getting ready for his permanent move to Canada. We decided to stay in touch, I was thinking of going to visit him for a few months after my surgery, to see if we could make it work, if I could see myself living there...

A couple of weeks later he started having second thoughts. About his move to Canada. Long story short - he soon informed me that he'd been looking for a new job in Ireland, and he just got an offer - on the other side of the country though. He was looking for something closer to where we previously lived, but couldn't find anything, so he accepted what was offered.

We decided to try the long distance thing, but unfortunately, we couldn't make it work. We lasted about a year. We did what we could, but our communication got worse and worse with each month. Still, I don't regret a single thing, and neither does he. It was wonderful while it lasted, but as sad and painful as it is, it seems that we weren't meant to be. I guess the reason I'm telling the story is to show you that life is not always predictable, people are definitely not predictable, and unexpected things can happen.

At first when he told me, soon after we met, that he was definitely moving to Canada, I thought - that's it, there will never be anything between us. Then, 6 months later, when he told me that he decided not to move to Canada, and accepted a job in Ireland, I thought - wow, this is it, we'll have out happily ever after. In the end - neither of my assumption turn into reality.

You don't know what's gonna happen - you just don't know. Based on my experience, my advice would be - be honest with yourself, and be honest with him. Let go of expectations, and fully enjoy what you have in front of you. Life will take care of the rest.

Lavinia

macplato wrote: »

Gosh, OP, I was in almost exactly the same situation, exactly 2 years ago - down to a month! The similarities are quite freaky.
...
You don't know what's gonna happen - you just don't know. Based on my experience, my advice would be - be honest with yourself, and be honest with him. Let go of expectations, and fully enjoy what you have in front of you. Life will take care of the rest.

thanks a lot macplato, yes i presume there are no guaranties - you made a relly good point!
still i don't think i will allow myself to do anything, will just take it as it comes and perhaps wait if he will make a move to closer - even im aware he may think exactly the same!

so i know him for 2 months cause he came to view the room in may, and he immediately took it, we kind of went really good from the first moment, he even went straight away to give me the deposit ! before he moved in he texted me he's looking forward to that very much..
and yes even said he is not sure about this job in USA so he may stay here for longer! but he is preparing his exam and interview for visa and all that jazz so.

when he was moving in he came with a girl and i though ow very good so he's taken - it took some of my thoughts away but he had to point out it is his ex, you know...

i started to feel i miss when he goes somewhere and i do not want to go that road. at all..
not sure what can help me to keep my head cool.. and heart still : )...
it is 4 months to go so.. i know it will soon be resolved anyway : (............

macplato

Lavinia wrote: »

thanks a lot macplato, yes i presume there are no guaranties - you made a relly good point!
still i don't think i will allow myself to do anything, will just take it as it comes and perhaps wait if he will make a move to closer - even im aware he may think exactly the same!

I think it's important that you do what feels right to you, Lavinia. If it feels right to do nothing for now, then do nothing. It's also important to remember that you've only known him for a couple of months, and that the chemistry is having a serious impact on your judgement (oh bhoy, I remember being dizzy with all the pheromones flying around ). He may be an awesome guy, and he may be a messer or worse - right now you don't know which it is, and you are right to be cautious.

What could keep your head cool? The realisation, that you don't know him that well, and that he may end up surprising you in a positive way, just as well as in a negative way. That, and cold showers. Loads of cold showers

Lavinia

macplato wrote: »

I think it's important that you do what feels right to you, Lavinia. If it feels right to do nothing for now, then do nothing. It's also important to remember that you've only known him for a couple of months, and that the chemistry is having a serious impact on your judgement (oh bhoy, I remember being dizzy with all the pheromones flying around ). He may be an awesome guy, and he may be a messer or worse - right now you don't know which it is, and you are right to be cautious.

What could keep your head cool? The realisation, that you don't know him that well, and that he may end up surprising you in a positive way, just as well as in a negative way. That, and cold showers. Loads of cold showers

Showers seem as a good idea ..
I started going for long walks late in the evening to spend my energy effectively .. But am seeing my emotions are like a see saw..from one side gives me really high, from the other side making me sad cause somehow the situation does not allow me to act in accordance with what and how feel.. and that is driving me nuts' ........ : (..

macplato

Lavinia wrote: »

Showers seem as a good idea ..
I started going for long walks late in the evening to spend my energy effectively .. But am seeing my emotions are like a see saw..from one side gives me really high, from the other side making me sad cause somehow the situation does not allow me to act in accordance with what and how feel.. and that is driving me nuts' ........ : (..

I know. I can't really say much to this, except - this too will pass. There will come a time when things will be much clearer than they are now, when the intensity will drop, and your emotions stabilise. There will come a time, when you will miss this craziness you are experiencing right now. So enjoy it! Take it all - the good with the bad, and live it. See what happens. I wish you all the best, Lavinia!

Lavinia

macplato wrote: »

I know. I can't really say much to this, except - this too will pass. There will come a time when things will be much clearer than they are now, when the intensity will drop, and your emotions stabilise. There will come a time, when you will miss this craziness you are experiencing right now. So enjoy it! Take it all - the good with the bad, and live it. See what happens. I wish you all the best, Lavinia!

Thanks a lot... Perhaps I'd have to say myself that whatever comes I'll have to be able to handle it..
btw here he's coming now ... Such a sweet and yes good looking guy! , had no idea what I put myself into when I accepted him ... ...

macplato

Lavinia wrote: »

Thanks a lot... Perhaps I'd have to say myself that whatever comes I'll have to be able to handle it..
btw here he's coming now ... Such a sweet and yes good looking guy! , had no idea what I put myself into when I accepted him ... ...

Ha ha, oh bhoy, the sound of his key in the door was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. Except for the sound of his laughter Yes, I am aware of how that sounds I will say it again, Lavinia - I know this is an agony, but do try to enjoy it, it's a precious time, really. And yes, absolutely, whatever happens, you will be able to handle it, that's a great way to comfort yourself.

Lavinia

I'll defo enjoy it .. Tea ' here so will text later .......

December2012

I can't make out from your posts - is he single or not?

If he's single then why not go for it? So what that he's going in December - you could have a fun few months until then!

Lavinia

December2012 wrote: »

I can't make out from your posts - is he single or not?

If he's single then why not go for it? So what that he's going in December - you could have a fun few months until then!

yes he is single.. he broke up with his ex few months ago..
but thing is - i don't know how to approach this because what if he is just friendly, how would that make our living together for these few months..

really i wasnt in this kind of situation ever before.. if he d be just a guy i met i see no reason why not show myself and "get him" : ) but this living together is confusing...

Lou.m

I would say living together is going to make it very difficult and awkward.

Are you sure you are not going to put pressure on him and feel needy when he leaves?

Lavinia

Lou.m wrote: »

I would say living together is going to make it very difficult and awkward.

Are you sure you are not going to put pressure on him and feel needy when he leaves?

that is exactly what i am afraid about. Not me being needy when he goes but about the situation here that could develop if something goes wrong.
and really i am not sure how to help myself for another 4 months.
i think i will have to start repeating to myself something like, he s not into you, he s nit into you.. or whatever that would keep me sane..
btw he told me he took this Friday of so he'll be here.. We talked few weeks ago to go together somewhere like idk, new grange or whatever, but i started to fear that too..
i am avoiding even touching him although dying to hug him ..

Mary Magdalena

Well hi all, situation is that today I went to church and prayed that either there be some sign or that i be released from this state it is hard to stand it.
i never felt so trapped before, it us not even funny at all...
Either that or I will just say some things and risk cause ..
i will try to be humorous about it perhaps of course not so serious but just to break this wall inside of myself.. I may feel better whatever happens..
just my unfiled thoughts here.. I feel communicating this with someone is helping me..
so thanks all. Really .....
ps. I also have to start to study have 4 exams in September so I've heard that kind of 'structure' can help me too, to take my mind off of this..