any advice on changing my lifestyle

hagoonabear

hello I am a mother of a 8 month old baby girl, now I'm unemployed at the moment but applying for jobs non-stop anyways I can't help but feel lazy or unmotivated sometimes . I wake up each day about 11 apply for jobs for awhile and then take my little girl for a walk but I feel this just isn't enough and I feel like a total bum . I feel like I should be doing more to improve me and my child's life but I get so scared.

Even if I do get a job I'm nervous of meeting new people and what if Im not suited to the job .

I'm abit of a shy person so that's my problem , I really hate being so shy I try to push myself to join clubs in my area but anxiety plays up and I end up over thinking and don't go.

any help on how to improve myself thanks

Idle Passerby

Have you checked your local library for mother and baby meet ups? Mother and baby yoga? depending on where you live there are a few options for new mums to meet up on the pretext of socialising their babies (and getting some adult interaction for themselves) It might be a first step to overcoming the shyness and meeting others might improve the job hunt too.

otwb

There are a couple of mum and baby groups on meetup.com - I'm just waiting for d-day then I'm joining up! (It's the only thing that I can think of that will mean that I can get out and see people while not having to worry about childcare )

Seriously though - it may help relax you in the context of meeting strangers. You already know that you have something in common with the group and no-one knows you...so if you turn up at the first meeting and they look overly scary then you can keep walking past them and no-one will know!

makeandcreate

Hi - as someone with really poor self esteem I know how you feel. It's not for everyone but I love Tony Robbins - I have some of his podcasts on an mp3 player and I head to the pool and swim whilst listening to them. There's lots of stuff on You Tube as well - it really works to start a proper plan - just writing down goals means you're more likely to do them - sharing them with someone else adds to the likelihood. Make some good positive habits and just keep on going - add a new little thing everyday rather than trying to change overnight or conquer the world in a day and get deflated when it doesn't work out.
Try some affirmations. Be nice to yourself & rewrite your self talk.
I've even got brave enough to actually start my own business - instead of just planning it (boy it's been a long time planning & taken on many guises but I think I have it this time) and opening a retail unit in September.

December2012

Why are you getting up at 11?

I think it helps to get up early in the morning to get a start on the day. Get up, shower, dress, make a nutritious breakfast, and get a start in your day before your baby wakes up (or while she has her early morning nap).

Get to mother and baby groups, go for a walk with the buggy, go talk to your local employment office and get some ideas.

Rubberchikken

There will be mother and baby groups in your area. Definitely check them out.
Kids are a great icebreaker, and everyone there will have that in common.

Plus local library, playground etc are great for getting the chance for small chars which are a great help.
Good luck

Oink

One thing which is often neglected: exercise. You wouldn't believe how important it is for your mental health, confidence, and general happiness. Regular exercise, not just the odd run here and there.
If you can take that seriously, set goals for yourselves and achieve them, I guarantee that it will help. Not after only a couple of weeks, but it WILL help.

Best of luck!

Lou.m

Do it with a friend. :-) !

Have you checked your local library for mother and baby meet ups?

Or - another possible idea to build on this - start or organise one of these yourself OP. There are always parents crying out for such groups. And it sounds like you not only want to meet people - but better yourself.

Perhaps the challanges of organising and running such a group will be just that injection of responsibility and personal challange and the like that you need. And not only you might benefit from it - but the people who join such a group. Which means you are bettering yourself AND others.

stargazer 68

Op there are plenty of great suggestions here which you should really consider but how are you waking up at 11 with an 8 month old baby? Surely she is up and about before that!

hagoonabear

Oh sorry for the late reply I wake up at 11 as my partner usually sleeps happily through the night when she wakes up and he takes her for a walk or for her breakfast when she wakes at 8am so I lazily get some sleep . I should really give the baby groups a chance but just need to push myself to do it I look young so could e thinking" oh no they will think Im a teenage mom'' when Im nearly 24 lol but maybe starting my own would give me the ego of its mine and not to start overthinking . Thanks for all the advice and yes I am still lazy ugh but hope to change soon step by step I actually did tiny bit of exercise today nothing too harsh but felt happy after it as if I achieved something small today instead being a bum thanks!

Babooshka

hagoonabear wrote: »

Oh sorry for the late reply I wake up at 11 as my partner usually sleeps happily through the night when she wakes up and he takes her for a walk or for her breakfast when she wakes at 8am so I lazily get some sleep . I should really give the baby groups a chance but just need to push myself to do it I look young so could e thinking" oh no they will think Im a teenage mom'' when Im nearly 24 lol but maybe starting my own would give me the ego of its mine and not to start overthinking . Thanks for all the advice and yes I am still lazy ugh but hope to change soon step by step I actually did tiny bit of exercise today nothing too harsh but felt happy after it as if I achieved something small today instead being a bum thanks!

You're being very harsh on yourself. Having a baby is a life changing event, your baby is also developing a lot of what he or she will become hardwired into being for pretty much the rest of his/her life during the first two years of their little lives. They rely on you to learn all of this and they need a lot from you...You should enjoy this bit and you don't have to feel like a "bum", you are preparing a tiny little baby into becoming a person, and for the most part, that takes up most of your time. If you can't find work right now I would focus on looking at raising your baby up to 2 as the most important job you have right now, because seriously, it is...

kjl

hagoonabear wrote: »

hello I am a mother of a 8 month old baby girl, now I'm unemployed at the moment but applying for jobs non-stop anyways I can't help but feel lazy or unmotivated sometimes . I wake up each day about 11 apply for jobs for awhile and then take my little girl for a walk but I feel this just isn't enough and I feel like a total bum . I feel like I should be doing more to improve me and my child's life but I get so scared.

Even if I do get a job I'm nervous of meeting new people and what if Im not suited to the job .

I'm abit of a shy person so that's my problem , I really hate being so shy I try to push myself to join clubs in my area but anxiety plays up and I end up over thinking and don't go.

any help on how to improve myself thanks

How on earth do you not wake up till 11? With an 8 month old I would have thought you would be up several times a night.

Babooshka

kjl wrote: »

How on earth do you not wake up till 11? With an 8 month old I would have thought you would be up several times a night.

hagoonabear wrote: »

Oh sorry for the late reply I wake up at 11 as my partner usually sleeps happily through the night when she wakes up and he takes her for a walk or for her breakfast when she wakes at 8am so I lazily get some sleep!

I think OP meant she gets up during the night with baby and her partner takes over early morning so she can get a bit of rest.

whirlpool

Interrogations about what time you wake up at aside, there've been some great suggestions here. I second what makeandcreate said about Tony Robbins - look up some of his longer videos on Youtube and watch many of them. It definitely helped me massively with my self esteem and my energy.

Exercise, as Oink said, is probably the most important thing of all, as it instantly improves your mental health which has a knock on effect on everything in your life... self esteem, energy, physical health, motiviation, confidence, etc... It doesn't mean becoming an athlete, it means at least a brisk walk for 30 minutes at least three times per week. The more of this you can do / the more you can add to this, the better your life will get. It's a no-brainer.

Humans thrive both mentally and physically on exercise and good diet. Your self esteem, confidence, energy and motivation will skyrocket naturally then.

Sunny Dayz

Just in relation to the morning thing - when I was unemployed and looking for work. I made sure to be on my computer at home before 9am. Around that time any new jobs will be posted up on recruitment website. Also if you need to email in applications do it early in the morning so when a person logs into their computer first thing they will see it. An email coming in at 11am might get over looked as the person may be quite busy by then.

In relation to parent and toddler groups - most swimming pools run these. The baby will love spalshing in the water and because you are in a pool you don't feel like you "have" to make conversation. In the changing room after it is easy enough to make polite conversation but everyone is concentrating on getting themselves and baby dried and changed.