Jealous Friend Argument

Est28

Hi folks,
I'm just sort of venting here. I'm not sure what I can do but ignore it but here it goes....

I live abroad and as you know, it's tough making friends sometimes. I began to hang out with a guy I met playing football from the UK. Seemed like a good guy, up for watching a match or grabbing a few pints, etc...

Anyway, over time he's had a habit of getting very angry and depressed over lack of success meeting girls. Just seems like it weighs on him or something and get gets very weird or anti-social in situations he needs to interact wit a group or talk to people in a pub or whatever. But my problem is he begins to take all his frustrations out on my in a very snide way then backs out with "Oh, can't you take a joke..." etc, if I actually get annoyed.

Now, I'm not great with women or anything like that. But I was a shy kid and I got to the point a while back where I just had to snap myself out of my shell so while I'm not saying I'm awesome or anything, I mean, I at least try... like if we're at a bar and there's someone near us, I'll at least try to strike up a conversation if I feel like it.

Somehow he's taken this as me being some sort of Casanova and gets really jealous and mean about it. Like over the while I've known him, if I ever mentioned going on a date, he wants to see the girl and then tells me how she's ugly and wouldn't be his type at all. Once he tracked a girl down on facebook and text me her profile picture asking "Is this her? I wouldn't date her..... etc, etc, etc...". So I just never brought it up anymore if I had a date or something so he wouldn't know.

He's accused me over and over now that I'm basically the reason he can't meet women. That every woman he sees at a bar, I apparently go and "steal them" from him. I have no idea what he's on about. I don't do this at all.... but it's almost like he sees a woman across a room, and if I were to talk to her or something, then I am deliberately "blocking" him as he puts it.
He's gotten mad at me for literally talking to someone for 2 seconds. Not even anything more than that. He seems to think that I have "soooo much success with women" that I should be meeting women FOR him... but instead I am "stealing them all for myself".
I don't even get it. I mean, I try to be social and chat away to people, but it's usually no more than that.

A few weeks ago, he lost the plot at me. He said I "stole" a girl from him after we left a bar. I actually had no clue who he was talking about and it turned out to be some girl I didn't even remember who was next to be at the bar trying to get drinks. I literally never even met the girl.

So I had enough and it all blew up and I walked away.
He didn't talk to me for a week or so. But now he's back texting me being all nice. In one way he's apologizing but I know his way. He has nobody else to hang with now so he knows he made a big mistake getting in an argument with me, so he wants me to come back.
But I know full well, he's not being nice to be nice. He's being nice because he has nobody to go out with now. But if I DO go out with him again, it'll be the same thing all over again and I don't really want to get involved again so I've been trying to avoid it but he persists.

I guess all I can do is ignore it and he might get the hint though it doesn't make me feel great to ignore someone.

Merkin

He sounds like a total plonker, I wouldn't feel remotely bad about ignoring him.

ABajaninCork

Blank him. The guy's a few crumbs short of a biscuit.

Lou.m

He is tracking down your dates ? He seems unhealthily obsessed with you. He seems creepy. If you are the reason he can't get a date why would he want you around?

If he is unpleasant avoid him.

gugleguy

You are doing yourself no favours here OP. Think of number one -yourself OP - eliminate him from your social circle for your own good.

retro:electro

Ah, he sounds like a complete weirdo to say the least. You sound like you're doing well socially, just get on with your life without him.

R.D. aka MR.D

As some one who also lives abroad, I know how many weirdos you can meet.

It can also be hard to ignore some one depending on how big the community of expats/people to hang out with is.

What I have done in the past is just be polite but decline every single invitation to hang out. If he asks why just calmly explain that all his jibes about girls you like and about stealing his women got to you. If he says 'oh, you can't take a joke' then say 'i guess i can't' and leave it at that.

Big Bag of Chips

Est28, is this the same fella you have started numerous threads about? It sounds like he has no friends, and he has no friends because of the way he carries on.

It's not your job to babysit him. Friendships are supposed to be fun, and easy and relaxed. You are getting nothing but grief from this friendship, so it's time to walk away. He knows he's done wrong. He knows he's a headwrecker. So maybe you moving on will be the kick in the backside he needs to realise he's a dick and if he wants to make, and keep friends he's going to have to cop himself on.

But honestly, at this stage, and however many threads later, he's not your problem.

Est28

Yes. I have mentioned him before.

I know this will sound silly but anyone who's moved abroad on their own or anything like that will know how difficult it is to meet good friends as an adult.

The thing is... he's fine if we're just sitting watching a match over a few beers. He's a great laugh. But he gets in these "moods" and it's usually if we're out at a bar at night.

Honestly it seems obvious to just distance myself from it all. But as I said... If I drop him... my own social circle dies too so it sucks. But I know he needs to sort himself out before we can really hang again.

Flippyfloppy

Est28 wrote: »

Yes. I have mentioned him before.

I know this will sound silly but anyone who's moved abroad on their own or anything like that will know how difficult it is to meet good friends as an adult.

The thing is... he's fine if we're just sitting watching a match over a few beers. He's a great laugh. But he gets in these "moods" and it's usually if we're out at a bar at night.

Honestly it seems obvious to just distance myself from it all. But as I said... If I drop him... my own social circle dies too so it sucks. But I know he needs to sort himself out before we can really hang again.

By the sounds of it, if you drop him your social circle has a chance of actually expanding! Sounds like a rotten drinker & jealous cling on, you're probably not the first person this has happened with and won't be the last!!

Czarcasm

It doesn't sound to me at all like you find it hard to meet people and make friends OP, it sounds to me like you're unable to let them go! This guy wants to keep you to himself, trying to make you feel guilty every time you meet a girl? Tracking down girls on social media and sending you their photos was the point at which you should've dropped him like a stone tbh.

Merkin

Est28 wrote: »

Yes. I have mentioned him before.

I know this will sound silly but anyone who's moved abroad on their own or anything like that will know how difficult it is to meet good friends as an adult.

The thing is... he's fine if we're just sitting watching a match over a few beers. He's a great laugh. But he gets in these "moods" and it's usually if we're out at a bar at night.

Honestly it seems obvious to just distance myself from it all. But as I said... If I drop him... my own social circle dies too so it sucks. But I know he needs to sort himself out before we can really hang again.

I'm with flippyfloppy. I've lived and worked abroad on numerous occasions on my own and I can assure you that hanging around with a douchebag like this is probably doing you no favours if this is how he behaves. Cut him loose, join some sports clubs and other groups and don't rely on him solely, he probably has a reputation at this stage.

Rubberchikken

it doesn't sound like a healthy friendship to be honest.
speaking personally, i would prefer to have no friends than to have this guy for a friend.

don't be so desperate for company that you're willing to hold onto this fella. it's not worth it.