Unsurprise Party

Trine

I've stumbled upon irrefutable evidence that some miserable old bastards who allege to be my "friends" have decided to throw a "surprise" party for me this weekend.

Something to do with the day my mother squeezed me out of her gaping vaginal canal. I still rue the day, nine months previous, that my father ravaged my mother at the back of a school yard bike shed. For just one crucial moment my father's renowned self control during the act of love making disowned him. Many hours we've spent in deep, probing discussion about that fateful lunch break rendezvous. He still insists to this day that it was a cheeky, yet deftly-executed and unexpected, ball-grope by my mother that caught him off guard. The sly sow.

But I digress...I need to teach these sentimental fools a lesson...this weekend was to be dedicated to playing Divinity Original Sin until my eyeballs were swollen, vascular shells. Not spent acting surprised and grateful at cheap meaningless gifts bought at the last minute in Argos, and getting drunk with people I'd rather run over in a truck. And to what end? To wake the next morning with a clobbering headache, vomit on my shoes, and my closet drenched in my own stale piss.

So...denizens of After Hours...I need ideas on how I can screw with these people's heads. I know the time and venue. I know exactly who will be there. How can I twist this around, turn the tables, be all Spanish Inquisition on their asses? Special treatment reserved for the treacherous instigator that is my girlfriend. She needs some Deer Hunter-esque emotional torture for her treason.

Archeron

Stewie griffin has an account on Boards? :eek:

wazky

Go back up your mothers gaping vagina canal, what will they celebrate then?

pablo128

Ring in a false bomb threat about 20 minutes before you're due to get there.:pac:



Use a public phone.;)

PeteEd

Maybe go and enjoy yourself, that'll really mess the brain cells up by the sounds of things

Chucken

Let them enjoy the party without you.

You sound like great craic

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime

Don't go ?

PizzamanIRL

Surprise them all and go back into your mother...with your penis! Other than that, I don't know. Fake your death or something boring like that.

Sulla Felix

Tell your girlfriend you've arranged a surprise dirty weekend away in the european city of your choice. Hint that it'll involve a portentous question.
She'll cancel the party.
Tell her you'll meet her at the airport.
Buy a single ticket to destination in her name. No return ticket.
When the time arrives and you haven't turned up, tell her to get on without you and that it's part of the big surprise.
Spend the weekend playing your vidyagame.
Enjoy the rest of your life foreveralone.

Buzz Killington the third

Do a borat and arrive with an obese black prostitute!

Me?

Go someone might buy you a new game that you can immerse yourself in and save people from sparkling personality.

Me?

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Tell your girlfriend you've arranged a surprise dirty weekend away in the european city of your choice. Hint that it'll involve a portentous question.
She'll cancel the party.
Tell her you'll meet her at the airport.
Buy a single ticket to destination in her name. No return ticket.
When the time arrives and you haven't turned up, tell her to get on without you and that it's part of the big surprise.
Spend the weekend playing your vidyagame.
Enjoy the rest of your life foreveralone.

Girlfriend?

Sulla Felix

Me? wrote: »

Girlfriend?

According to the OP she's the chief instigator. :pac:

PizzamanIRL

Me? wrote: »

Girlfriend?

Yes he mentioned she's the instigator.

Me?

Sulla Felix wrote: »

According to the OP she's the chief instigator. :pac:

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Yes he mentioned she's the instigator.

My brain has a knack of filtering fiction.

FunLover18

Well, I for one sympathise with the OP. The idea of my friends throwing me a surprise party, although I'd appreciate the thought, makes me cringe and it clearly demonstrates that they don't really know me at all. Sit your girlfriend down OP and tell her you really don't want to do anything for your birthday.

Calibos

Leave them all standing around like tits while you go attend a refresher creative writing course instead.

PizzamanIRL

Yeah don't show up and pretend you thought it was tomorrow.

Abstain from the party and send your mother instead.

She deserves some kind of reward, and she's probably capable of having a good time.

FunLover18

Why most of the responders so far assume that everyone loves a party. The OP is perfectly entitled to prefer sitting in and playing a videogame. Parties can be shít especially when you're the centre of them.

--LOS--

I don't blame the OP, I would hate that, it's not about not being 'fun', people have different personalities you know, not everyone enjoys being the centre of attention.

Sulla Felix

FunLover18 wrote: »

Why most of the responders so far assume that everyone loves a party. The OP is perfectly entitled to prefer sitting in and playing a videogame. Parties can be shít especially when you're the centre of them.

Ah don't be such a dry shíte here have another shot its your biiiiirrrttthhhhddaaaaayyyyyyyyy

sdanseo

Trine wrote: »

I've stumbled upon irrefutable evidence that some miserable old bastards who allege to be my "friends" have decided to throw a "surprise" party for me this weekend.

Something to do with the day my mother squeezed me out of her gaping vaginal canal. I still rue the day, nine months previous, that my father ravaged my mother at the back of a school yard bike shed. For just one crucial moment my father's renowned self control during the act of love making disowned him. Many hours we've spent in deep, probing discussion about that fateful lunch break rendezvous. He still insists to this day that it was a cheeky, yet deftly-executed and unexpected, ball-grope by my mother that caught him off guard. The sly sow.

But I digress...I need to teach these sentimental fools a lesson...this weekend was to be dedicated to playing Divinity Original Sin until my eyeballs were swollen, vascular shells. Not spent acting surprised and grateful at cheap meaningless gifts bought at the last minute in Argos, and getting drunk with people I'd rather run over in a truck. And to what end? To wake the next morning with a clobbering headache, vomit on my shoes, and my closet drenched in my own stale piss.

So...denizens of After Hours...I need ideas on how I can screw with these people's heads. I know the time and venue. I know exactly who will be there. How can I twist this around, turn the tables, be all Spanish Inquisition on their asses? Special treatment reserved for the treacherous instigator that is my girlfriend. She needs some Deer Hunter-esque emotional torture for her treason.

Pighead, multiple accounts are frowned upon.

corner of hells

Dare your girlfriend to get pregnant by your father , should be interesting conversation material at the party.

The Th!ng

Leave a note for your girlfriend to find saying that you have travelled to Switzerland to end your life in an assisted suicide clinic.