No interest in talking to people

LegacyUser

This has been a problem which has plagued me since I was about 15 (i'm now 24). Anyway, as far back as 15 years of age, I haven't really had any interest in talking to people, and to be honest I think it is destroying my life.

I've always been kinda shy but for the last few years it has gone to extreme levels. I just don't bother trying to interact anymore. The most I say at work all day is a few words - literally about 20 words. I went through all of college talking to 3 people at the most (never lived on campus). I don't even say hello to my neighbours. I barely talk to my family.

It's weird though because you would probably conclude from that, that I must be as introverted as anyone could be . But a completely different side to me appears once I drink. I become outgoing, chatty and really interested in other people. I still retain shyness but it's reduced by at least 90%. My interest in what other people have to say is increased by about a million per cent. I just don't get it.

I don't like to self-diagnose but I have a feeling it might be social anxiety. Not being interested in talking sounds like depression but I still retain interest in other things like watching football, playing guitar. I do have a couple of really good friends who I can talk to while sober (although it drains me of energy).

I find myself going red when someone tries talking to me who i'm not comfortable with. In work, everyone else goes off for lunch sometimes and I just go on my own because of the lack of interest in chatting. Everyone that has met me in college and work must think I am seriously unsocial - and they'd be right.

I asked my doc about this and he prescribed me an SSRI but i'm afraid to take them and not looking for advice on them. I guess the advice i'm looking for is wtf is wrong with me?!? And how do I snap out of it?

Rubberchikken

You dont have to be talkative if you dont want to be.
If it's worrying you then i'd advice that you work on talking to others.
Start small, listen a lot, people like that. Them give your opinion on something - weather, match etc and see what the other person says.
Don't read to much into amount if words/length of time spent talking.

The thing that jumps from the post is your drinking. It will lower inhibitions and does make some very talkative but it's not a good thing to be relying on.
Good luck

Ave Sodalis

OP, it doesn't really sound like something to worry about. I spend a lot of my time making myself talk to people, but to be honest, I'd much rather spend most of my time alone. When I am in a social setting, I don't bother speaking unless I have to. There's nothing particularly wrong with it. So what if you're unsociable? Some people are chatters, some people aren't. The only time you need to change that is if you want to. Not if other people want you to, unless your boss wants you to do a big presentation or something.
These things improve as you go along. If you want to change it, you can. First of all, you will have to make yourself speak, regardless of whether or not you're red or embarrassed. The more you do this, the easier it becomes. Join clubs you have an interest in, it makes it easier to start a conversation with someone if you have something in common. You already have a few good friends, so you know that the more comfortable you are with someone, the easier it is, even if it is tiring.
With regard to the drink, that's what happens a lot when you drink. It shouldn't be used as a crutch. What you can do however, is remember the experience you had when drunk, and realise that the only difference is that now you don't have alcohol. You can speak as you do when drunk, and nobody is going to think any different of you.
(P.S. I'll let you in on a little secret I use... learn the body language of someone who is listening and make it a habit. That way, you can talk to people without actually listening to whatever you don't have an interest in, even though it seems you are)

krispin

What kind of job do you have, by the way? Could the reason for not talking to people result from your workload or the type of office you work in? I used to work in a strict office culture where your time was documented every minute of the day and you had to work, work, work, so it was easy to get into the habit of speaking very little with colleagues unless it was work-related. Due to the work, it was also mentally draining and I preferred to spend my lunches alone rather than think up interesting things to talk about.

And what makes it seem like there is nothing to talk about? Do you have much in common with people you work with? Personally, I don't talk very much and just focus on my work out of habit and also as a defence mechanism. I was bullied in the last two companies I worked for, so I'm understandably reluctant to talk, and I kind of feel deep down that I don't have much in common with some of my colleagues anyway, therefore it feels somewhat pointless - to me, at least - talking to others.

If you don't interact much with people, social anxiety can start to set in. I had social anxiety for most of my teens and sometimes slip into old habits that aren't necessarily good. Pinpoint why you don't seem to talk much. Don't just say because there's nothing to really talk about. I've said this several times myself and only made it worse, the feeling that silence is destroying your life. Sometimes you have to talk to other people to stay sane. It's like a personal exorcism. You have to do it or you go mad from all the words you never say and all the people you never know.

If you're still not convinced, ask what would start you talking. What helps me to talk is the idea that people are actually listening, that they genuinely care about what you say. If you've spent too long in a group of friends where you're always the quiet one they invite along but never really include or connect with properly, like, asking you, for a change, what the group should do or what your opinion is, then you're going to feel like there's nothing to talk about, because no one is validating your existence or importance within the group.

It's not easy talking to people when you just don't feel like it, but taking pills or drinking isn't the answer. Finding people who actually know you exist, want to hear what you're talking about, want to know who you are... that's what you need.