Eh... more problems from some lonely guy.

LegacyUser

So before I start, I apologize for my petty moaning and self-pity and in the grand scheme of things my problems are probably largely irrelevant and minor... I don't really care (as brash as it sounds ) if people even bother to read it but I feel like I need to put it somewhere, and after all this is probably the 1000000th thread of it's kind by some unknown entity who feels there life is ****.

Anyways, I'm 19 going on 20 this year and am beginning to believe my life is not going to get much better (I'm not in some heavy depressed suicidal stage though) but I feel pretty depressed, in fact every now and then I go into some kind of nihilistic depressed phase.

"Why Mr Anonymous Guy?"
This is why...

I'm lonely, I've been fairly lonely most of my later teenage years. I used to have a lot of friends but all except maybe 2 have drifted away and I never speak to them anymore.

"Why don't you just go out and meet new people Mr Anonymous Guy?"
I have not been out all year like socially, apart from the odd eating out, whilst everyone else goes out partying every week.

In fact, recently my older friends added me to a conversation in which they were discussing going out (tried to go out with them forever), one guy said we'd all go out for his birthday... A few weeks later his birthday comes, I even post on his wall and he acknowledges it by a reply... That night pictures of him partying with everyone else in that conversation...
Another guy, I consider my best friend, I ask him every so often 'let's go out' and time and time again he always finds some excuse... Until I'm coming home late one night and see him out with his friends...

"...but surely you have made new friends in your university Mr Anonymous Guy?"
In fact in my university, I have only met one person I'd call a friend. Actually, he's probably a best friend but he's the only person I actually feel is a friend now out of everyone in the world... Without getting all soppy he's probably the only thing that's keeping me from that constant depressed stage.


"Well, **** your friends, why not spend more time with people who love you, like your girlfriend Mr. Anonymous Guy..."
Maybe because I've never had a girlfriend, maybe because nearly every girl I've ever met has either disliked me a lot or ended up disliking me a lot. Personally I don't believe I'm ugly, I think I'm a normal looking guy just like the other billion normal looking guys out there with girlfriends...


"Wow, Mr Anonymous Guy, no girls like you? You might as well turn gay..."
Well, thanks for pointing that out Mr./Mrs. Anonymous reader. In fact I've questioned my sexuality many a time, and in fact I consider myself to be a curious male (Would never marry a guy but would try 'stuff'). In fact, I've spoke to lots of guys online and four I've actually kinda liked. In fact really liked and apparently the feeling was mutual... Until every single time, sometimes after a few months of talking sometimes after 1 year of talking. They just stop talking to me, blank me completely and lose all interest in me...

"Wait, your gay?"
No, I honestly think my desperation from lack of female relationship and probably having next to no friends has made me turn a little. Guys are the only people that talk to me any more... well until they blank me a year later.

"Ah this all sucks, Mr. Anonymous Guy, well at least you have a fruitful career and future ahead of you!"
Again no, I spent all my life practising a hobby that I have pretty much gave up on now, due to people viewing me as a socially inept outcast... and I've dedicated the last 5-6 academic years of my life to Music. Another thing I'm starting to lose touch with, plus the job-wise I've got more chance getting sympathy telling my loner stories to strangers on the internet whom I'll never meet then getting a job in the music industry... I've also never had a job nor had work experience, I've also got nothing interesting about me to put on a CV and I'm just to self-critical to actually reflect on my non-existant skills and bull**** about 'how good I am at working with people' and 'how I'm punctual and professional and I really wanna work for your bullcrap business for the rest of my life'.

"Well if all else fails, you've still got family, Mr Anonymous Guy?"
Don't get me started on my family problems...

"Okay that's enough of your self-loathing Mr Anonymous Guy, BE GONE WITH YOU!"

(So I just wrote all this off the top of my head, knowing my head imagine it being said in a sarcastic tone of voice... All the things I've said are true though )

Last note: if you did read it, Thanks

Babooshka

anononononymous wrote: »

Last note: if you did read it, Thanks

Look, sometimes if you stay in all the time, it all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, life is hard sometimes, and sometimes everyone else is so wrapped up in their own stuff they don't give you a second thought. Sometimes you just have to say "fcuck it" and just get on out and try and have some fun, with whoever is around at the time. If they're ignoring you after you state you want to go out, no they're not your mates, they, for whatever reason, are not interested. Move on, find other mates, and enjoy your time here...it isn't getting any longer. We all feel crap sometimes and like we're not popular / good looking /funny/whatever but really, it's up to you to get the best out of your time here. Sitting in worrying about it all will make it all seem bigger, worse and distorts the truth, we're all just scrabbling around trying to squeeze the happiness out of life really. It's not a solution I am offering here, but I don't know what else to say to you really...you typed this out quite late and sometimes it all seems a bit better the next day!

ongarboy

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you right now. I think one of the problems currently is that you just have too much time on your hands to dwell on all the genuine negative things that are happening in your life. You don't have a proper reason for getting up each morning due to lack of job and this probably just encourages you to lie on in bed (the worst time for negative thinking in my experience).

You say you want a career in the music industry. That sounds like a very select and highly competitive industry where luck is maybe more important than ability and qualifications. Waiting for an opportunity there is probably not the right thing to do. You need to put a lot of effort into finding a job right now... any job. I totally understand it's tough in a recession without experience but you need to be calling your local FAS/Intreo office every week and sign up for any available Jobbridge or other opportunity. Even if there are crappy kitchen staff or glass collecting jobs out there at the local hotel or bar then that's what you must apply for. You need something, anything, that gives you a reason for getting up in the morning, a sense of purpose and structure to your day, interaction with other people, either co-workers or customers. Who knows, some of those may become friends. The job may not be pleasant or even crappy but it will still distract you for a few hours from the unhappiness you are stuck in. Allocate 4 hours every day to job hunting starting Monday - trawl through all the jobsites, register with all recruitment agencies for temp work, factory work etc - browse their sites for vacancies but spend time on your CV first and have someone proofread it and offer suggestions to enhance it. Even if you've never had official jobs before, list activities that demonstrate skills such as organising, team player etc (charity or volunteer work, helping friends or relatives with DIY or house work, cleaning neighbourhood etc, scouts, sports etc)

I can't offer too much advice on how to address your other issues but when you are stuck in a viscious circle without any distraction, it is so much harder to find a way out. The job outlet will not solve your other issues but it will change aspects of your current predicament which can only be a good thing.

Finally, if you're not doing so, take up some physical activity, walking, running, swimming etc - it will produce happy endorphins that will make you feel great after even if the activity is greulling and sweats you out of it and is good for your body and mind.

The biggest risk is that you start treating your current situation in a kind of warped comfort zone whereby you hate what's going on inside the zone but fear the unknown of what's outside the zone. You need to confront those fears - many or maybe all of which may be unfounded. Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, yeah I feel better today. I get weird mood swings now and then, just wanted to vent my problems somewhere. Write them down, get them out my mind ya know.
Ironically I was having a good day yesterday dunno what happened but something just made me switch....

As far as jobs, I'm not actually looking for one. I just finished my first year at Uni and even that was kinda stressful so I wouldn't want to juggle a job with next years. Money wise I'm fine as well and I still live with my parents so no bills need paying. In my mind it'd just be another thing I'll end up moaning about and stressing about. I bought it up because personally I've spent all my life pursuing hobbies and things that I wanted to go into when I'm older however, I've fallen out of love for them and it feels like I've wasted most of my life. I mean I don't even feel like going into the music industry, yet I'm spending 3 years studying it... I do love doing it but I have little interest doing it as a career now, even if I wanted to like you said it's highly competitive.

"The biggest risk is that you start treating your current situation in a kind of warped comfort zone whereby you hate what's going on inside the zone but fear the unknown of what's outside the zone. You need to confront those fears - many or maybe all of which may be unfounded. Good luck!"

Think this probably resonates with me the most. Exactly how I'm feeling, I am in a position which I don't feel is a bad one (despite all my 'problems') however I could make it much better by going out with other people etc. I mean I haven't actually gone out looking for any of it. Maybe I'm just lazy... Maybe it's just to do with my low self esteem.

Well before I go on some other rant, thanks for listening and I really didn't expect any replies, nevermind helpful ones...
Thanks guys/girls/beings

Rubberchikken

I know you were venting, but i have to be honest and say your post, sad as it maybe, make me laugh.
i know, terrible, but that's life.

Your 19 going on 20. things are only starting. trust me.

if you want a future in the music industry, and believe me you could have a future in music journalism. i'd read your reviews, bet they'd be great, then you'll have that future.
work hard when you have to. play hard when you can.
open up more to people. show them what a good guy sounds like.
and don't be too hard on yourself.

good luck.