Joke Exam Answers

JohnnyBananas

Hi Teachers, See below. If you have a similar example from your experience, feel free to write it down/give details. Thanks In Advance

(Mod: Please consider not moving this to Humour Forum as only teachers can really answer this thread)

Q: Give a place name you would associate with the Celts.
A: CeltWorld

Noccy_Mondy

Ahh yes the smart arse, not so good on the oul jokes when they fail their exam.

MollFlanders

http://www.independent.ie/life/family/learning/funny-exam-answers-26844377.html

tvnutz

One from my summer exams...

What was the Holocaust?

A Jewish holiday around the time of Christmas.

She obviously got mixed up with Hanukkah but still, couldn't stop laughing. Haha. :P

aunt aggie

Why does x = 10?

Because it wanted to and no one tried to stop it.

Whole class had a good laugh at that one. I love the doodles you get in tests and exams as well.

vamos!

Have a great summer Miss. You're an amazing teacher and have really nice hair/ clothes/ shoes xoxoxox cute doodle of a beach or hearts. Translation= I didn't study for French and my parents are going to kill me if I fail.

whiteandlight

The 'we didn't do this' comments put me in such good form....

unknowngirl!!

whiteandlight wrote: »

The 'we didn't do this' comments put me in such good form....

Or 'wasn't in for this' :cool:

whiteandlight

Oh I'd forgotten one. I had a student write me a completely fictional essay on the topic of "Harpers in the 16th and 17th Century" about Mary, who was from Belfast and was a singer not a harpist...

rainbowtrout

To the question 'Why do farmers add lime to soil?'

One of my LCs wrote for his mocks: 'Lime is like a Class A drug for earthworms. It sends them loopy.':D

One of the history teachers I work with said he put a question on the summer test this year asking 'Describe the working life of someone during the Industrial Revolution.

One of his students wrote underneath it 'I don't know anyone who worked during the Industrial Revolution.'


I put a set of true or false question on my 5th year ag science test this summer. I always throw one daft one in so the weaker ones will pick up a mark. I always think it's so daft that no one could possibly get it wrong. There's always one though.


True or False: Cocksfoot is a disease that causes chickens to go lame.


Background: Cocksfoot is a grass that we have mentioned a million times in class and have brought in samples of etc. I have not done anything on poultry this year.

Inspector Coptoor

Give a cause of infertility in the female reproductive system.

Being pregnant

RealJohn

Question: What is a crannóg?

Answer: A small animal covered in spikes.
(gráinneog is the Irish for hedgehog)

rainbowtrout

Q: Name a source of fibre in a calf's diet?


A: Kellogg's All bran

rainbowtrout

Q: Give a characteristic of mammals.

A: They have at least one foot.

implausible

Not an exam answer but I had a LC student who thought the Good Friday Agreement was when people agreed not to eat meat on a Friday :rolleyes:

RealJohn

One of my colleagues told me of a geography lesson where one of the students thought that the north pole was a imaginary place because it's where Santa lives.

rainbowtrout

Junior cert science christmas test I gave a couple of years ago:

Q: State one safety precaution regarding electricity in the home.


A: Turn off all hair straighteners after use. :pac:


Not exactly what I was getting at, but was more amazed to see the answer was given by a boy and I thought 'My, we've come a long way!'

Timmyctc

Noccy_Mondy wrote: »

Ahh yes the smart arse, not so good on the oul jokes when they fail their exam.

Lighten up a bit maybe?

Remember boys in my class wrote their own questions into their Psychology exam Paper of
"Who is your favourite lecturer?"
And answered with his name in an obtuse attempt to score bonus points :P

implausible

I did the poem 'Does it Matter?' with my second years. It deals with a soldier returning blind from WW1 and how people try to make him feel better by saying things like "there's such splendid work for the blind" so I asked for suggestions from the class about what kind of work he could get.

"Walking dogs miss, you always see blind people walking dogs!"

It took me five minutes to get my breath back from laughing.

rainbowtrout

Two from my fifth years a couple of years back:


We were discussing animal families so I was talking about molluscs like snails and I mentioned periwinkles. Not only did they crack up laughing at the name, but they refused to believe they were real until I put a picture up on the data projector!

Same class the following week and I was talking about hedgehogs in class.
A student interrupted me to tell me they're not real.

So I was like 'what do you mean they're not real' and everyone in the class had a 'WTF??!!' face on them at this stage.

Girl replied 'Hedgehogs are mythical creatures!'

I haven't laughed that much in a long time! So after I recovered from being doubled up from laughing I asked the girl why she thought that - like who hasn't discussed hedgehogs when putting together the nature table in junior infants - and she told me that she thought they were just made up for road signs to make drivers slow down.

Well I pissed my laughing The slagging she got in fifth year. She took it pretty well though.

AlanS181824

New favourite thread.

HurtLocker

Trying to remember ones from my school days.

Q:Name a device that converts harmful exhaust gases in a car?

A: The Catholic Converter.

whiteandlight

Really should have had this thread at correction time. There's so many I've forgotten

implausible

implausible wrote: »

I did the poem 'Does it Matter?' with my second years. It deals with a soldier returning blind from WW1 and how people try to make him feel better by saying things like "there's such splendid work for the blind" so I asked for suggestions from the class about what kind of work he could get.

"Walking dogs miss, you always see blind people walking dogs!"

It took me five minutes to get my breath back from laughing.

A mate of mine whose father was a teacher a very long time ago tells a story - but surely an urban legend - about a time when his oul' fella told his class in a Dublin school that "the people of Alsace are called Alsatians". He was expecting laughs or some reaction, but the lads didn't bat an eyelid. Then, after a couple of seconds, he found out why when one of them piped up "Hey sir, it's just as well they're not called Allier-satians, 'cos then they'd be dogs."

He also says a mother once told his da that if he ever clipped her son around the ear again (it was the 1960s) she'd report him to the Educational Company. :eek:

And someone I know who teaches in Scotland tells the story of an exam answer that stated that the Cold War was called the Cold War because it was fought in Siberia.

teach432

Was marking JC Business Studies tests a few years back....

"What is meant by the term collateral/security?"

It's when Beyoncé pays for security guards at her concerts to protect her from over-excited fans.

Will never forget it! Started using it as my 'anything is better than a blank' example...

evolving_doors

Not really exam answer but I heard a few for the Trigonomotry ratios. Sin/cos/tan. You can just picture the schools/accents where they are from.

Sitting On Hard Concrete Always Hurts The Old Ar5e.
Stoned On Hash Cocaine And Heroin Trippin On Acid
Setanta O Halpín Carried A Hurley TO Australia

Enright

http://www.dose.com/lists/2900/21-100-Wrong-But-Totally-BRILLIANT-Test-Answers-8-Should-Run-For-President?best_of=2678

Plenty more here - spotted on journal.ie

Green_Zero

Q. Draw a chord on a circle

I had a student draw this: ♫

spurious

Jesus was friends with Mary McDillon.

smallgarden

Once had to correct tests with a diagram of a chicken egg with labels for yoke, white etc. one of tests I corrected had labelled the yoke as the clitoris.

Francie Barrett

Taught science at JC level a few years back. Was explaining one day why the sky at day was blue. After I had finished, a girl asked me if the sky was blue during the day, then why was it black at night. Struggled to keep the giggles in then.