Mental cheating?

LegacyUser

I'll keep this short so I don't go into too much detail.

Basically I'm 34 been with my husband since I was 17 and married 8 years.....I constantly fantasize about being with other people, exs etc that I could easily contact again and have been very close to doing so.

I'm a typical "want my cake and eat it". I love my husband but want to have fun too.

Should I even be married?
I know how bad I sound but I'm venting so I get a kick in the ass so as not to do anything.

CaraMay

What do you think is out there that you don't have at home? The dating scene in your 30's is savage and not for the faint hearted. Nice and normal men are like hens teeth and chances are your hubby would be snapped up by someone new but a lot of women find it hard to meet nice guys and end up with a series of commitment phobes (see numerous threads on here). If you are with a man you love, you are nuts to risk it as that's as good as it gets.

Have you tried to work on your marriage? How do you know your ex's are interested in rekindling with you? For affair or more? If they are your ex's it must be from more than 17 years ago? Sure they could be different people altogether to the teenagers you think of...

Stick with it and try to make life more exciting

Rubberchikken

it's probably the equivalent of the '7 year itch'
look at how the two of you get along. is he a good man, kind, funny, thoughtful? do you like to spend time in his company?
maybe ye just need to reconnect. talk to him

good luck

Ande1975

Gosh I would give my right leg to be married however I know people's experiences are different. Let me tell you though if you walked in my shoes for the past 10 years (not to mind 20) you'd be thanking your lucky stars...
So the question is - do you love your husband? Are you attracted to him?
Far away hills a greener believe me.

Saipanne

CaraMay wrote: »

What do you think is out there that you don't have at home? The dating scene in your 30's is savage and not for the faint hearted. Nice and normal men are like hens teeth and chances are your hubby would be snapped up by someone new but a lot of women find it hard to meet nice guys and end up with a series of commitment phobes (see numerous threads on here). If you are with a man you love, you are nuts to risk it as that's as good as it gets.

Have you tried to work on your marriage? How do you know your ex's are interested in rekindling with you? For affair or more? If they are your ex's it must be from more than 17 years ago? Sure they could be different people altogether to the teenagers you think of...

Stick with it and try to make life more exciting

This. I have female friends who struggle to meet decent blokes. It's mostly weirdos out there, according to them. Work on what you have.

LegacyUser

Have you thought about trying swinging if its the sex your after. I know quite a lot of folk who where in your position and they dipped their toes into the swinging scene and slowly started of with just adding one person into thir bedroom then eventually they where confident enough to have a full on party in their home.

In saying that, its not for everyone but seeing as when in long term relationships you just can't recreate that chemical reaction in your brain like you did when having sex when you first met, you sure can when swinging.

Seeing as the world is changing at a fast rate, I strongly believe swinging will be the norm in the next few decades.

newbie2013

Have you ever considered swinging. It sounds to me you crave something different other than your husband. Is there anything wrong with that, IMO no because we aren't designed like this, its just society has created us to believe we should just spend the rest of our days with just one person but that just goes against our natural instinct.

Have a word with your husband and discuss this with him and you just might be onto a winner and him feeling the same. How would you feel in a situation with bringing another man or women into your bedroom. Some peoples initial thoughts are one of shock but after much thought, it can be arousing and quite interesting.

I know folk who are full blown swingers and its brought back much needed spice into their relationship. One cple started off with just bringing a vwe male into their room for threesomes and before long, they where having parties inviting other like minded married cples and looking at them now, their are the happiest people I know.

Listen, it ain't for everyone but trust me when I say this, in the coming decades, swinging is going to be the norm in this country and going by what these young ones are getting up to, it ain't to far in front of us that we'll see swinging clubs in each county on this island.

<Mod snip - asking for updates is against our charter>

skooterblue2

how about looking at it from a logical point of view? ..... like an accountant, if you like?

Is there food on the table? does he drink ? beat you? Cheat on you? Is there a roof over your head? does have a record? is he a good father?

how much money do ye have? .... now if you were to split, you would still have the same living expenses, with extra ones and legal fees. He would probably have another family with a new woman and you might say you wont.... but there would be bitterness and envy that would creep into the next relationship. then there is the business of social awkwardness and divvying up the friends and stuff.

It would be a lot lot cheaper trying to make it work than ending a marriage and trying to start again..... and you still have to try looking again..... with the extra baggage