No friends, feeling very lonely

LegacyUser

I'm a girl in my early twenties, I'd consider myself to be kind, fun and a a good laugh. I feel I have a likeable personality and yet I have no friends. For whatever reason, all of my friends have drifted away from me and I feel so alone.

I can't reach out to anyone, because the only friends I do have left are wrapped up in their own relationships and problems, and most of them have pretty much ditched me. I have reached out to my "friends" a few times now but have received nothing back and I'm sick of trying, I feel I deserve better.

There really is no worse feeling than the isolation I feel. I have a lovely supportive boyfriend, which is great, but I need friends. I feel like a loser when I see groups of people out together on nights out on Facebook, and it pains me when I hear someone talk about their "best friend". I've been left to feel like there is something wrong with me, that for some reason people do not value me enough to stick around. I feel so down, so lonely, all the time. I feel I have so much to offer as a friend, but no one is interested.

I'm not sure what I'll gain from posting this, but I have no one else to talk to really. Would really appreciate any advice or feedback, thank you.

Rubberchikken

you're right when you say there is no worse feeling than isolation, but it can be dealt with.
you sound like a normal 20something who jujst wants to enjoy her life. so instead of waiting for these 'friends' you should try to meet new ones.

are you in college/work? what about something involving groups of people - running/walking groups, volunteering. all great ways to meet like-minded people.
focus on looking after yourself, and try not to spend too much time focusing on what others are doing on FB or elsewhere.
take care

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just thought I'd let you know that you're not the only one! I'm also a girl in my twenties, would consider myself nice, normal, fun etc but for various reasons my friends have mostly drifted away. Like you I have a great boyfriend, but that doesn't feel like enough!

I know people always say to join clubs etc but sometimes it feels so damn hard and as though you're putting so much effort in, planning and running around to all these activities, and not getting a whole lot in return.

I also see others who seem to have these great sociable groups from school or college, and wish it was that easy for me!

Arcturus IV

Lonely121, I understand what you say about isolation and the effect it has on you. I know too well what it's like and how it tends to play on your mind. If it makes you feel better, I'm a guy in my early twenties, and I've had days when I felt I had no friends at all. But to help you out on this, let's start on the positives.

First off, you have a boyfriend. That's one friend there already. It might not be what you want, as in a friend who you could hang out with while he's off somewhere, but he sounds like he'll do whatever he can to help you, so talk to him, he may know something you can do that you didn't think of.

Second, do you have any relations to speak to, parents, siblings, ect. Confiding in them can do a great deal of help for you. There's no shame in telling them you have a problem, that's something I had to learn myself before I could do anything.

Third, you say yourself that your a fun, likeable person who likes to have a laugh. Why not try signing up to clubs or activities that interest you. You never know, you may meet people that you can get along with.

Fourth, and this is a big one, don't take Facebook notifications to heart. Ever. You never know, some people in those photos who're smiling away in the picture? They may have their own worries or problems. Hell, they could be in just the same position as you and have no friends either. So don't pay much heed to what happens on Facebook.

Finally and I can't stress this enough, don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone if you feel like it's the right choice to make. I'm not someone that goes in nightouts, it's not something that I feel comfortable with at all, but if I feel that I'll miss out on a fun night and meet people that I know, then I'll do it. It's not easy, but I'll do it.

I hope this helps you out and for anyone else stuck in this position too. All the best.

shalalala

Hey OP, I have been in your position way too many times. I joined meetup.com which is a great way to meet new people in the same position as you.

There is also a thread on here in the ladies lounge I think about meeting new girls.

You are not alone. Most people go through this in their twenties (I think I have had this problem 3 times and I am only 25) and as long as you try to pit yourself out there, it will get better. Promise.

Milly33

Oh no lonely girl.. hugs for you!!

I think it is much tougher being a girl trying to make new friends, men are men and seem to handle it better..

Would have felt a lot like you when I was younger and well nearly do still. All my friends left so they aren't here anymore or else the close one I did have concentrated on her family and that was it for friends side for now.. Even get married now and there are lots of things I would love a best friend or group of friends around to do,to talk about but nope..

Only thing for it is try to pick yourself up, go out by yourself to events there is nothing wrong with it.. Like those boards meetups or maybe set up a thread about meeting new people or if you are interested in something..Just go for it, don't think about it like oh what if I don't get along with people or am I being silly, the more you think the more you will talk yourself out of it..

Don't wait around for those friends either, let it be they know where you are if they want anything,be sure they aren't waiting around for you so go for it.

vinegarZombie

Hello everybody. I am a male in his mid 20is. I finish college over a year ago, and moved to a different city, where I work. Since than I am feeling very lonely. I still keep contact with some of my college friends , but I would like to have more people to talk too. I am not looking for a relationship , or nothing of the kind. I just want someone to chat with.

krispin

Hi Lonely212,

I know how you feel. I'm in my twenties but finding it hard to make friends, despite a decent history in the friend-making department. Like you, and like knowhowyafeel, I have the wonderfully supportive boyfriend yet feel the void of not having friends beyond. This sort of thing happens, I think, when people move away, get married or have a family, and while they may not mean to 'ditch' you, sometimes change is so huge in other people's lives that you no longer have much in common and just have to move on (as nicely as possible!)

Where have you come from? Are you Irish or a foreigner? If you're the latter, it's a given that you'll feel this way when living in a country that isn't your own. Coming from the UK, I hardly meet anyone from my own country. Admittedly, I don't try to seek them out unless it's inevitably work-related, as I've learnt from past experience that hanging out with your countrymen can exacerbate culture shock. Personally, I'm lonely due to the fact that most of my friends are over in England or elsewhere in the world, so it's difficult to meet up with each other or even keep in touch. I am also lonely as most of the people I meet have never travelled abroad except to go on holiday, and this can make a difference you sometimes can't explain to said people without causing offence or further alienation.

What are your interests? Who would you want to meet? And what, specifically, would you like to talk about? Joining social groups does help. You will meet some interesting people, though it does depend on you both whether that turns into friendship of the lasting kind. I don't know about you, but I would be interested in speaking with others who are genuinely invested in proper conversation. Since graduating from uni, it can be hard at times to talk when people hold back or use you as a means to pass the time until shift end. Does anyone else find that sort of thing annoying? I'm an all-or-nothing type of person. I'm not here to "pass the time" with you; I'm here because I like you and we share something in common.

vinegarZombie, we may be in the same boat and I wouldn't mind talking to you if you'd like to chat. Sometimes, that's all we need!

sashafierce

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TheFarrier

Milly33 wrote: »

I think it is much tougher being a girl trying to make new friends, men are men and seem to handle it better..




.

Dunno about that, I'm lad in my early 20s, in the same boat as OP, can be soul destroying when every time you make a few mates they stick around a while but drift away eventually.


Having No real good mates is hard

shane9689

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh no lonely girl.. hugs for you!!

I think it is much tougher being a girl trying to make new friends, men are men and seem to handle it better..

It may seem that way, but trust me, its tough for us too.... i think yes, men are more independent but we still require a social circle otherwise our independence is no longer independence out of strength and a choice, but out of weakness...

also the main reason it seems like we handle it better is because were good at bottling emotions and telling them to nobody, so don't be fooled