Reconnecting with old friends

LegacyUser

Hi, appreciate any advice on this.

Has anyone here ever gotten back in touch with an old friend or is it better to just let these things lie?

Our group got more and more distant because of college, work, no money etc. so there was never any fallout which is why I think it's such a shame we drifted.

I've tried quite a few times at this stage to get a night out or a few pints going but they always seem to have something on etc. although they do seem enthusiastic, I just don't feel the same effort is being made on their side although they could mean well.

Anyway, just asking here so that I might stop mulling over it, am I better off concentrating on making new friends?

Tokyo

I have, but it can be difficult and requires efforts from both parties involved.

As you said you drifted apart after college, and huge changes in live happen in that period of time. In my own case when I left Ireland to see the world I left all my single friends behind, we'd spend every weekend in the pub or at a game or some activity. Eight years later when I eventually returned, I hadn't changed that much but they had - they had careers, families, mortgages so on and so forth, and it took me a while to realise that they weren't being rude or uninterested when it came to meeting up again - it was just that life had changed a huge amount in that period of time.

By all means try and keep in touch with your friends and maintain the friendships, but be ready to accept that for some of them, life may simply have moved on and they have different priorities.

LegacyUser

Why not?

I've a few school friends and all we meet up about once a year. It's always great to see the lads and we get on as well as we always did.

It's just time and effort that prevents it happening more often. I always find that inviting them out for my birthday works.

LegacyUser

Thanks a mil for the advice, I was starting to take it just a little to heart but I guess they're all just used to their lives now, I'll definitely try them again but not have such high expectations about it, thanks again

An Bhanríon

It took me a long time to get this thing straight in my head. For years, I hated losing friends simply because it had become too difficult to meet up / stay in touch.

I have finally learned that friends come and friends go. You can be best buddies with somebody for an hour, half a day, a week, a year, five years, or a lifetime. All the people that you connect with during your life help to make you the person you are.

There is nothing wrong with letting friends go. It just takes a while to get used to it. It took me until my thirties to learn to let go.

And sometimes, a person you haven't seen in years suddenly appears again and you become close again. This happened with a good college friend of mine. When she got with her boyfriend, got married and had kids we drifted apart. Then when her kids got a bit older, I started to visit more and she really appreciated the adult company and having one of HER friends coming over. The rest of her life revolved around her family, but when I came to visit I was there to see her and that helped her remember that her role in life wasn't just being 'Mammy' and 'Wife'.

No harm making an effort to stay in touch, but if you have tried enough times and failed, it is time to move on. Nothing wrong with it. It is just life!