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Is it OK/safe for women to use internet dating sites for sex?

  • 14-07-2014 11:25am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So, let me give some background before the judgements are unleashed.

    I'm in my 30's and have previously used dating sites in the hope of meeting someone significant. I personally found the most of my encounters (roughly 6 in total spread out over 3 years on and off the site) were either with guys blatantly looking for sex or guys hoping to force a relationship despite no chemistry. I actually didn't sleep with any of them as I felt misled in the first case and didn't want to time-waste anyone in the latter as I could tell we were on different pages.

    I don't have a huge amount of sexual partners, mostly LTR's , think I've slept with 5 people in my entire life, this includes about 2 friends with benefits in recent years.

    So, I'm not a sl*t or anything, I just really enjoy sex :(

    I think I have been hurt and messed around, possibly used in previous relationships and I have this really strong urge now to be the person calling the shots. I'm exhausted trying to work guys out and deal with the insecurities surrounding new relationships and I just don't even want that anymore, I just keep meeting non-committal types offline, i've just had enough for now..... maybe in the future but I'd just like to have some very very safe, no-strings fun with guys (after a few drinks - not just like, show up at my door kind of fun). I live alone and I guess I am worried about the implications a little. I would never tell my friends or family, I'm fairly conservative, professional, no one would accept or understand this from me.

    This is something I've been thinking about for the last few weeks but have not been brave enough to go for it, despite really wanting too just I suppose to have sex and not have to deal with the implications. I'm quite attractive so could probably meet guys for ONS on nights out but that would involve friends/others finding out or knowing which would bother me.

    Any thoughts or advice appreciated?


Comments

  • #2
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    There are loads of sites out there.

    Ireland is pretty small at the best of times but its pretty easy to meet people for what you are looking for.

    I think it's safe as long as you use your head and meet people in public places to weed out the weirdos. No shortage of single guys looking for casual things


  • #3
    Lou.m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,532 ✭✭✭Lou.m


    I found it pretty useless and slow. There are a lot of guys who go on your pic...I would get lots of messages from guys who lived nowhere near me even.

    I realized actually I need a real live body in front of me to make me feel like want to get into him and put in effort. It's just too flakey I could never really gauge if we were on the same emotional page. I did get weirdos ...even guys who seemed ok in the beginning. But most people are fine.

    I would never do that again its just too flakey. On both sides really. Also I sensed a lot of them had girlfriends. They never wanted to add you on facebook even if they were texting. It all seemed clandestine.

    It is difficult to find out if you find someone physically or sexually attractive that way I found. I need to have a RL relationship.

    That is just my personal experience. I would imagine for some others it is very very different.

    Also I misread your title I did not realize you were looking for a casual relationship. My experience was based on looking for something more serious.

    Yeah I would imagine for your needs it might be easier :-)


  • #4
    YumCha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 519 ✭✭✭YumCha


    OP - there's no judgment here :)

    I did the same a few years back, few things:
    - Yes, it's no strings, but by god it is time consuming - try and stick to sites with some kind of verfication/comments system to weed out timewasters, fakes, or worse. However, trust your gut above all.
    - Get a separate, cheap, prepaid phone - it only takes one asshole to warrant it
    - If you're bringing guys back to your place, find a friend you can set up a safecall with. Most of the sites with the verifications/comments have some kind of community/forums - so you can make a friend there if you don't want anyone else in your normal life to know.
    - Get comfortable with discussing safe sex/sexual histories - you're more than likely to encounter someone who won't want to use condoms, or have some kind of accident (condoms breaking etc.) and your sexual health needs to trump any awkwardness.
    - Go slow! Due to women existing in very small ratios on these sites it's likely you'll be swamped initially and it's really easy to fall down the rabbit hole... beware of people who are equally fawning and pushy.

    There isn't any reason why you can't have a ball of a time and tick a few things off your bucket list (if you have one!) - but it does require a good bit of patience and your wits about you.

    The last thing I will say is make 110% sure it's what you want - not to say you can't change your mind down the track - but it's a pretty lonely road if you don't have an outlet to chat to.


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