Feeling a bit blue...

LegacyUser

Hey! I am generally a happy and healthy 30 something guy. I have a house, great family and good friends. I battle generalised anxiety and ocd...my ocd is obsessive thoughts about various stuff: for this I have gotten cbt therapy, meditation, exercise, medication, i have read numerous books etc..

So, I find life tough, but try my best..
I am at a bit of a crossroads; with my battles, I found my job too stressful, so I am taking a break and taking stock..

A while ago I had a big night out ...generally i dont drink much, but had a good session and good fun..i met a nice girl and had some more fun with her..

Now a few days after I am feeling quite blue...
Sort of annoyed that my meds give me a bad hangover
annoyed that they affect my libido and sexual performance..
sort of lonely...i loved the affection and intimacy with this girl: she lives a few hours away...
Feeling i a getting older and pissed off that my issues probably hold me back a lot professionally, personal life etc...


I battle hard to manage my anxiety and ocd and i often say, I am happy being single and free etc,,,, but I think i am a bit lonely after this night out!

Okay there is my moanfest over,,,

Any feedback?
Anyone relate to this?

Thanks for reading..

Kevster

Sorry that you are passing what appears to be a crossroads. Through good communication and firm decision-making, things can improve and your life can move forward. Firstly, what about setting some targets for yourself to achieve?

As I can relate to much of what you write, I think that a reasonable first target is to express to your health professional the issues that you have that pertain to your medication. It is not a foreign concept to, for example, wean off medication of the type that I believe you are taking, obviously as part of a plan directed by your health professional. The remainder of your life doesn't have to 'stop' or 'stall' whilst this happens... all you gotta do is keep everything else ticking over whilst you deal with the primary target.

Kevin

Merkin

Seeing as you had a lovely time with the girl in question, did you actually ask her out again?

Rubberchikken

Can you ask this girl out again?
Sounds like you had a good time.

If it's not possible to contact her, it just shows you are able to conect with another so try again.
Talking to your gp about your meds could be helpful too.
Take care

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies:I appreciate it!
I would love to wean off the meds;
The advantages of them are that they do act as a buffer against the anxiety and ocd..the disadvantages are that sometimes you feel a bit numbed out and they defo affect your libido and ability to perform!
After my tough year at work: i got chest pains and sleep problems etc and decided to take a career break and started new meds...then the car crash a few weeks back...

re this girl: I have been in touch, and asked her if she'd like to meet up and she said that she would; she is down again in 2 weeks time...

As I said, I put on a tough image of being strong and single and happy; i sometimes am, but i think it'd be lovely to have a girlfriend...
I have had a few girlfriends in the past but i just lost interest in them after 6-7 months;always liked them but not enough...also ocd and anxiety make it harder to be in the moment..

I do think though, if the spark is there, my ocd and anxiety will take the backseat...

Kevster

I see relationships as follows: your best partner is also your best friend (or at least one of your best friends).

Those meds do indeed offer a lot of help as they can 'slow down' your thoughts and prevent your anxiety levels from overflowing. Taking them in conjunction with therapy is an effective strategy, but the road is long... Be responsible whilst on them, as they can be detrimental on morale if used in the wrong way.

Just remember that now your life must take steps in the right direction, albeit small steps at first. Nevertheless, it is the right direction, and coming here was a good small step in that way.

Kevin

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies...

With my anxiety and ocd, i keep very busy and very controlled..this can give me a sense of control and comfort..

It is also quite lonely sometimes..
I have never properly fallen in love with someone...actually i was seeing a girl about a year ago and seemed to develop strong feelings for her...she liked me more as a friend: i was really shook up and upset by this; first time it had happened for a long time if ever...

Do you think it is worth pursuing a relationship--does it make life better?

I often find it hard to know how I feel about a girl....
The way i judge it i suppose is how i feel when they're gone--do i miss them etc...

J_E

Bue boy 16 wrote: »

Do you think it is worth pursuing a relationship--does it make life better?

I often find it hard to know how I feel about a girl....
The way i judge it i suppose is how i feel when they're gone--do i miss them etc...

Try not to judge a relationship as the golden standard of life. It can be a great enhancement, but you have to learn to love yourself and your own space too to make that work. Make life your adventure, even little things in the world like exploring your local area, cooking something nice, seeing a film. When you feel satisfied with yourself and your own life the rest follows.

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies..

I have had an emotional year so far..
-extreme stress from work; chest pains and sleep problems
-extremely upset and messed up when a girl i really liked gave me the 'lets just be friends'
-stress of getting out of job, trips to GP, psychiatrist, going on meds
- battling ocd and anxiety
-serious car crash
- boom then big night out and meet a nice girl and queue more emotion...

I think i need to slow things down a bit and keep things simple

I often feel the clock is ticking, i am nearly 40 and dont want to lose opportunities or regret anything missed...

Lou.m

I don't have OCD myself ...I know someone who does though ..the EXACT same type as you ...obsessive thoughts but also rituals and compulsions. I understand about the PURE O type of OCD and how tough it can be for you guys. What I would say is he is a WONDERFUL person and has a happy fulfilling life and you can too. :-) But it took him time to get to that stage.

It is not uncommon for people with OCD to hide the nature or severity of their symptoms from others – especially those they may be engaged with romantically – for fear of embarrassment and rejection. Don't worry about it...I guess I am more aware of how bad stuff can get because of my mom. But when you are open it liberates you and you can help people understand.
My mother used to go on this OCDUK forum for support. On the surface, many of the obsessions and compulsions that go along with OCD can seem strange, illogical or even scary, but being open really helps bring the whole stress level down. Particularly with PURE O where some obsessions can frighten the person who has OCD themselves and actually be personality dystonic (the opposite of what you are). It is like the little fear monster getting into anothers head and pulling at nerves. Obviously the person you tell should respect your privacy and not tell anyone else. And obviously you have to feel comfortable.

What I would say is there are moments when it appears to be better for him and those when it appears to be worse.


His OCD tends to be worse when he is stressed out.

I think he sees PURE O as an invader sort of.

I think you can have a fulfilling life with or without a relationship. You need to take care of you.

And you will find that people are understanding and supportive.
Don't worry about the sexual performance stuff ...it's ok. Don't worry ..but on the other hand don't feel afraid to talk to your Doctor either. But don't just feel you have to hate taking meds that you feel help in other ways because of it. What I mean is the libido stuff or performance stuff does not make you inadequate in anyway.

Maybe tell some friends and family what you are going through.

Concentrate on your happiness and health and only if you want a relationship not if you feel you should have one.

But you and your health and happiness is important and yes you can be happy single of course :-)

The man I know who has it is a wonderful fascinating person. Don't feel you have to hide the severity of what you might be experiencing.

If you feel your meds are helping then stick with them if that is what you want or you can talk to your DOC about the side effects. You happiness and health is important.

LegacyUser

Hey Lou! Thank you for your replies... i appreciate it!
Yea my ocd makes things really tough: i am sure in a mad way; it probably makes me a nicer person: very kind and understanding!

The meds do help ease the mental chatter...ie you get anxious, but not as anxious...
the sideeffects are the slightly numbed feeling and without being too graphic; it takes a lot longer to finish up....!!

I have had very strong feelings for maybe 1 girl in my life and i sometimes feel i am missing out a bit..

I just wonder, if i meet the right person, will any anxiety and ocd just not matter anymore..i will just be focussed on the girl and develop feelings for her?

I have tried in the past with 2/3 girlfriends to work at it, to see if feelings could develop and they fizzled out..

When you meet the right person, do you just know?

LegacyUser

Hey! I replied a couple of times unregistered...but the posts didnt appear!

Yea, ocd and anxiety make life tough for me.
Given what i have to deal with, i do quite well: I have worked for the last 8-9 years, travelled loads, have good friends and a great family..

The meds do provide a buffer against anxiety and obsessive thoughts and worries...
You just dont get as anxious...but the downside is that you can feel a bit numbed out and it defo affects sexual performance; so its not really an issue until you start seeing someone..

I have been generally happy being single...but one night with a girl really rocks me emotionally; i think this is because i havnt been with a girl for a while and also it taps into a lonliness and lack of intimacy and affection in my life...
Then another issue with the ssri meds, is that you get drunk quite quickly and get a nasty hangover for about 3 days after a big night out..
I think emtionally i am a bit more skatty after a big night on the town,,,

I would love to eventually go off these meds and just use non-pharma ways to manage my anxiety and ocd..


Have been in touch with this girl the last few nights...we are getting on really well..
I just want to take it easy, be myself and not build things up too much...

Thanks for the support..

Tokyo

Blueboy 16 wrote: »

Hey! I replied a couple of times unregistered...but the posts didnt appear!

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