Table plan and family feuds

bee06

So everyone always said the table plan is the worst part of wedding planning but I thought ... nah, I'll have no problems but apparently karma's a b*tch.

I've just been told that two neighbours (who are brothers) who I invited at my parents request and against my better judgement have some family feud going on and have asked not to be seated together. Since the only people they know are my aunts and uncles if I split them up I will have to sit them with family which I don't want to do. I think it's cheeky in the extreme that they are making this request so I'm really tempted to say it's not my problem and there are no other seating options and they can either like it or lump it but my parents wouldn't like that.

I need advice on what to do ... I don't know if my opinion is being coloured by the fact that I didn't really want to invite them in the first place.

Milly33

mmmm was just going to say go with the like it or lump it option..Really I cant believe that they would even request this seems very rude and presumptions... Can you seat them next to maybe any friends who are going.. In fairness you are doing enough to accommodate them but not sitting them together so just plonk them anywhere...

stinkle

bee06 wrote: »

So everyone always said the table plan is the worst part of wedding planning but I thought ... nah, I'll have no problems but apparently karma's a b*tch.

I've just been told that two neighbours (who are brothers) who I invited at my parents request and against my better judgement have some family feud going on and have asked not to be seated together. Since the only people they know are my aunts and uncles if I split them up I will have to sit them with family which I don't want to do. I think it's cheeky in the extreme that they are making this request so I'm really tempted to say it's not my problem and there are no other seating options and they can either like it or lump it but my parents wouldn't like that.

I need advice on what to do ... I don't know if my opinion is being coloured by the fact that I didn't really want to invite them in the first place.

I could have written this post, only my feud involved cousins. I did split them up UNTIL one wanted to bring a date at the last minute. All this was asked of my mother, and not of me so I was v annoyed. I gave out stink to my mother and added in the date but cos it messed up numbers I ended up sitting the feuders together and said they can suck it up for a couple of hours. Their issues are not your problem, if they dontclike it they don't have to attend

Milly33

Whoop I like it well done to you... haha

Addle

I'd avoid any possible agro.
You've been warned.
It can't be that difficult to accommodate them.

Have they spouses/partners?
If they do, then a couple don't have to sit with anyone else they know.

Why would anyone willingly introduce possible tension to their party?!

bee06

Addle wrote: »

I'd avoid any possible agro.
You've been warned.
It can't be that difficult to accommodate them.

Have they spouses/partners?
If they do, then a couple don't have to sit with anyone else they know.

Why would anyone willingly introduce possible tension to their party?!

Because I'm a bit stubborn and didn't really want to invite them in the first place

You're right though. It's a pain in the *ss but better to separate them.

homemadecider

Maybe stop involving your mother in the wedding planning since it's causing you to invite people you don't want and to do the table plan differently to how you want etc etc?

bee06

homemadecider wrote: »

Maybe stop involving your mother in the wedding planning since it's causing you to invite people you don't want and to do the table plan differently to how you want etc etc?

Well I actually like my mother and want her to be involved? It's not her fault the neighbours are having some stupid feud. She didn't know either.

prettygurrly

Inviting who you want to YOUR wedding does not mean you don't like your mother! Put them at the same table but just on opposite sides - I never get a chance to talk to people across an 8' round table...

lazygal

I expect adults to be adults and act properly! We had the usual few tense people at our wedding but their problems are not our problems and we took no need of special requests that would cause us bother. Our venue had a limited scope of seating arrangements and I was also a bit stubborn about accommodating childish nonsense about not being at a table with so and so. We just had a seating plan, people could sit where they liked at the table itself.

lulu1

I would sit them anywhere there is a spare seat let them like it or lump it even they were seated together shurley they wouldnt be so ignorant as to start a rumpus at the dinner

bee06

lulu1 wrote: »

I would sit them anywhere there is a spare seat let them like it or lump it even they were seated together shurley they wouldnt be so ignorant as to start a rumpus at the dinner

To be fair, I don't think they'd cause any trouble, just that it would be awkward for the other people at the table. I'd say I'm over thinking the situation at this stage ... must try and regain my wedding planning zen of everything will all work out of the day.

freshpopcorn

I've being to a good few weddings lately and there were no table plans. Everybody was happy.

lazygal

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I've being to a good few weddings lately and there were no table plans. Everybody was happy.

You do need a plan of some sort or its a scramble for tables and people can end up squeezing into seats away from each other. Even Ryanair is doing allocated seating now. Any wedding I've been to without a basic plan, like here's everyone at table 2,3,4 etc, has been chaotic and chairs and tables needed to be rearranged. You don't need to tell people where to sit, just at what table.

stinkle

Everything will work out on the day! Whens the wedding?

If you have a bit of time, separate them. If its v last minute and you'd otherwise mess things up, leave them at it.

Either way, leave instructions with your folks for them to tell ANYONE with stupid requests to ask you directly (hopefully no one will take the pee here and torment you, it just prevents your folks from promising randomers the sun, moon and stars at your expense!)

bee06

lazygal wrote: »

You do need a plan of some sort or its a scramble for tables and people can end up squeezing into seats away from each other. Even Ryanair is doing allocated seating now. Any wedding I've been too without a basic plan, like here's everyone at table 2,3,4 etc, has been chaotic and chairs and tables needed to be rearranged. You don't need to tell people where to sit, just at what table.

Yeah, I agree. I'd be worried people who could have sat together and have a laugh during the meal would get separated or our immediate family not at the top table would get stuck down the back.

Stinkle, still have a month to go so loads of time really (defo overthinking it) but I really want to get everything out of the way as early as possible. It doesn't help that himself is out watching the match and he's usually the one who talks me down when my brain goes into overdrive.

I think I'm over it now anyway. I'll split them up and just not worry about sitting them both with people they know. Thanks for all the advice and opinions!

stinkle

A month is grand, my first post was based on my experience with less than 48 hrs to go lol! Run it by himself, bet he puts a good perspective on it

I also bet one or both Silly Neighbours end up not being able to attend last minute so do not stress over eejits like that. I agree about doing a table plan but not seating plan.

BizzyC

Don't worry about seating them with people they know.
Just stick them at opposite sides of the room on their own.

If they're making their feud your issue on the day, then they can sit on their own.

Gatica

BizzyC wrote: »

Don't worry about seating them with people they know.
Just stick them at opposite sides of the room on their own.

If they're making their feud your issue on the day, then they can sit on their own.

I like this advice. Stick them at opposite ends of the room and they better play nice and make friends with others at their table. Don't bother with who they know there. It was their request after all.

tinkerbell

OP, I'd just stick them at random tables. Their feud is their problem, not yours. Don't upset your plans by having to put them in with your own family if it would make things awkward.

I don't understand why you invited these people in the first place - if you didn't want them there, you should've told your mother that they won't be invited - simple as.

bee06

tinkerbell wrote: »

I don't understand why you invited these people in the first place - if you didn't want them there, you should've told your mother that they won't be invited - simple as.

That's a whole other thread to be honest, but when my parents asked me nicely would it be OK if they were invited when they have done so much in my life and never asked for anything in return I knew it was important to them ... I would have felt like a horrible person to say no on principle.

Milly33

Most defiantly, the politics are quite annoying regarding invites.. Just seat them next to a friend maybe who you know would be naturally very chatting or would chat away to anyone and im sure they wont mind.. they will mingle after the meal anyway

Gatica

Milly33 wrote: »

Most defiantly, the politics are quite annoying regarding invites.. Just seat them next to a friend maybe who you know would be naturally very chatting or would chat away to anyone and im sure they wont mind.. they will mingle after the meal anyway

...I'm thinking Janice...

eviltwin

I would make sure they know in no uncertain terms any bad behaviour will not be tolerated and have a few people on standby to evict one or other in case it kicks off. In my experience a long day coupled with alcohol can make people forget where they are. What are these guys like around each other? Would it not be safer to leave one or both at home?

Milly33

Gatica wrote: »

...I'm thinking Janice...

haha I had to think there for a while but I get it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uMPguqlWhU

Sunny Dayz

If the wedding is a month away, who knows they could have made up by then.

When my friend was getting married she was terribly stressed about one side of her parent's family some of whom don't get on. She had awful stresses sitting who with who and where the tables would be etc etc. Then on the day, they all got on like a house on fire and we chatting across the room to one another after she trying to keep them separated! :rolleyes: Now on the run up to the wedding her mum did have a stern word with the family not to ruin the day so that might have helped. Could your mum or dad have a quick word with the neighbours to keep a lid on it for a few hours? Are both neighbours going to go to the wedding, do they know the other one is going?

Gatica

There were certain aunts that preferred not sit together at our wedding. I honestly didn't care, but I was having the MIL helping with the seating for that side of the family anyway, so I wanted her input on who to best seat together irrespective of that.