Loss of a sibling

hobbitman

one year ago I lost my 22 year old Brother to a blood clot , and 2 months after I lost my Nanny due to Alzheimer's.. and other little things happening in between also. I feel trapped inside a dark box and I can't figure out how to get out. I stopped counselling as I felt it wasn't helping, like nobody knows what I'm feeling. Everybody says it gets easier over time and the pain goes away but nothing seems to get easy.

I've lost people in my life that meant the world to me because of my stupid behavior. I had a boyfriend for 7 years and I threw it all away because of my selfishness. I pushed him away when I needed him the most and felt like he didn't understand anything I was going through and I just kept pushing and pushing until I lost my soul mate...

I wake up every morning wishing I wasn't here and praying that God would just take me. I have so many emotions going on in my head but when I'm talking to a friend or family member nothing comes out , I just keep everything locked up inside. The only reason I'm still alive right now is because my parents need me. They lost one child and I don't want to put them through any more pain, but if I was to talk to somebody I wouldn't know where to start.. I just feel like I can't remove the black cloud that's hanging over me all the time. I feel so alone.

(I'm a girl for anyone confused, I just liked the username)

Blingy

hobbitman wrote: »

one year ago I lost my 22 year old Brother to a blood clot , and 2 months after I lost my Nanny due to Alzheimer's.. and other little things happening in between also. I feel trapped inside a dark box and I can't figure out how to get out. I stopped counselling as I felt it wasn't helping, like nobody knows what I'm feeling. Everybody says it gets easier over time and the pain goes away but nothing seems to get easy.

I've lost people in my life that meant the world to me because of my stupid behavior. I had a boyfriend for 7 years and I threw it all away because of my selfishness. I pushed him away when I needed him the most and felt like he didn't understand anything I was going through and I just kept pushing and pushing until I lost my soul mate...

I wake up every morning wishing I wasn't here and praying that God would just take me. I have so many emotions going on in my head but when I'm talking to a friend or family member nothing comes out , I just keep everything locked up inside. The only reason I'm still alive right now is because my parents need me. They lost one child and I don't want to put them through any more pain, but if I was to talk to somebody I wouldn't know where to start.. I just feel like I can't remove the black cloud that's hanging over me all the time. I feel so alone.

(I'm a girl for anyone confused, I just liked the username)

I didn't want to read and not leave a comment. I am so sorry to read of your losses.
Please speak to someone. There is help out there it's not good to feel like this all the time. Maybe you should try a different counsellor and don't worry that you don't know where to start the right counsellor will understand and guide you. Stay strong.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

I'm sorry for your loss - having lost a sibling myself, I can relate to your situation and understand what you are going through.

I can see that you have closed your account, but should you come back to this thread and read this, please have a look at our charter - there are resources there that are ready, willing and able to help you right now - all you need to do is pick up the phone and ask for the help. I have posted the links below. I've also posted links to the various bereavement support services that are available.


Regards,
Mike

Bereavement Support Organisations
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=91106012&postcount=2



Depression / Mental Health
http://www.irish-counselling.ie/
http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/
http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/
http://www.grow.ie/
http://www.aware.ie/
http://www.shineonline.ie/
http://www.recover.ie/ (Schizophrenia Ireland)

Suicide
http://www.nosp.ie/ (national suicide prevention)
1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100
http://www.pieta.ie/
https://www.turn2me.org/ - registered rep on boards contactable at turn2me.org