Answers you would like to give to annoying interview questions.

Paddy Cow

Interviews are never fun and sometimes it's like the person asking the questions is just doing it to be a d!ck. Have you ever been tempted to give a really inappropriate answer and better yet, have you done it? For example:


"Where do you see yourself in five years time?" *

On maternity leave with my second son Fuinneog. I already have his name down for a good Irish School. I know he's not conceived yet but you can never be too prepared when it comes to your child's education.



"What's your biggest shortcoming?"

Being honest.

"That's not a bad trait."

I don't give a fcuk what you think.





"What type of biscuit would you be and why?"

-Gets up and walks out.




*this is normally a perfectly reasonable question but it was for a job in a fast food outlet :rolleyes:

stefan idiot jones

Where are you from?

My mother.

razorblunt

Any questions for us?
- yes, are you a prick of a manager?

Pumpkinseeds

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Well, in 5 years time I'll be doing your job while someone interviewing you asks you that stupid fcuking question.

Tail Docker

My one and only question would be -"How much will ye pay me??"

All the rest is waffle.

solomafioso

"Celebrating the 5th anniversary of you asking me that question." - Not mine, can't remember the originator.

wazky

Who are your role models?

'Hitler and Miley Cyrus'

Michael D Not Higgins

solomafioso wrote: »

"Celebrating the 5th anniversary of you asking me that question." - Not mine, can't remember the originator.

Mitch Hedberg

Paddy Cow

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Well, in 5 years time I'll be doing your job while someone interviewing you asks you that stupid fcuking question.

I was working in an office and they were interviewing for a new person. One of the candidates actually asked the owner where she saw herself in the future and would she be looking to take a step back and allow other people to take over (the owner was early 40's). Needless to say she didn't get the job.

djflawless

"What are you doing atm?"

"Sitting in your plush little office hoping you're gonna give me a fcuking job in a little more cramped office than yours ya pr!ck!!!!"

DazMarz

"I want you to be a productive employee."

"And I want Emma Watson to tongue my balls, but I don't think either is going to happen"

A Greedy Algorithm

"Why do you want to work with us?"


"I don't, i just need money. GTA 5 being re-released on the PS4 and i owe money for weed so i need a job and i heard you were hiring."

solomafioso

Michael D Not Higgins wrote: »

Mitch Hedberg

YES! Thank you.

"I haven't slept for five days......cos that would be too long."

ButtersSuki

after making some small talk with the HR Director on my way from reception to the interview room which included him asking what I did for the weekend I replied that I had been in Belfast, cue him asking at the end of the interview "you mentioned to me that you were in Belfast over the weekend. What route did you take home and why?".

My response was "the motorway as it's the quickest". I got the job.

Paddy Cow

"Tell me about yourself"

I'm bitter and jaded because life didn't turn out like I expected it to. When I was a child I thought being an adult would be exciting and I could be anything I wanted to. I have since discovered that being an adult means paying one endless bill after another and any money I have left over at the end of the week gets spent on alcohol and drugs so I can escape the banality that is my existence. It feels like I am trapped in a never ending live version of Eastenders, where nothing goes my way, life is just one miserable disappointment after another and on the rare occasion where I do achieve something approaching happiness, someone or something comes along to ruin it.

Birneybau

What would you say are your weaknesses?

Kryptonite...









And alcohol.

nails1

What are your strengths? Biceps and pecs

And your biggest weakness? Deltoids could do with a bit more work

Pumpkinseeds

Paddy Cow wrote: »

"Tell me about yourself"

I'm bitter and jaded because life didn't turn out like I expected it to. When I was a child I thought being an adult would be exciting and I could be anything I wanted to. I have since discovered that being an adult means paying one endless bill after another and any money I have left over at the end of the week gets spent on alcohol and drugs so I can escape the banality that is my existence. It feels like I am trapped in a never ending live version of Eastenders, where nothing goes my way, life is just one miserable disappointment after another and on the rare occasion where I do achieve something approaching happiness, someone or something comes along to ruin it.

Are you me

RFOLEY1990

'Why do you want to work for us?'

'I need the bleeding money'

Buzz Killington the third

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMAsIE7hYwc