Are my priorities all wrong?

LegacyUser

I've spent a long time getting into the career I want.  I worked full time and went to college in the evenings to get the qualifications I needed.  Even then it wasn't that easy, and it's only in the last while that I have landed in my dream role.  I love it.  It's challenging, fulfilling, and I feel really good about myself being able to do what I'm doing.  

I was in an amazing relationship up to about a year ago.  I loved the guy to bits and he loved me too.  Unfortunately, due to circumstances (non-work related), we broke up.

I would imagine that, had we stayed together, I wouldn't be in my job right now.  It was after, and because of, the break up that I went full throttle and made a few bold moves that landed me where I am now.

I was chatting to a friend today who is sick of her job, but just found out she was pregnant.  She has been trying for ages, and she and her husband are so happy.  Another friend who is in a similar position to me really wants to have a baby with her boyfriend and she has said that, despite how hard we worked to get here, she would give it all up to be a mum.

I'm wondering have I got my priorities skewed.  And this isn't an "Oh, I'm a girl and should be having babies instead of a career" thing.  But, I'm putting everything I have into this job, and, much as I would love to be back in that place where I have somebody I want to share my life with, I keep focusing on my job.  It's really important to me.

But, I realised talking to my friend today that her important stuff is her family - and at least they love her back.

Ave Sodalis

OP, are you happy? Are you doing what you want to do? If so, then your priorities are fine. If you're unhappy and want change, then your priorities are wrong. It's really as simple as that. I would be a work to live person as opposed to a live to work person, but that's entirely me. Others, such as yourself, might be live to work people, and that's okay, as long as they're happy to do what they're doing. It's your life OP, live it how you want, not how other people are living theirs.

jellyboy

your in mourning for what you could have had with the ex…

can you overcome the mountain that ye had between ye ?

after a period of reflection can you draw the line in the sand and move on?

And this isn't an "Oh, I'm a girl and should be having babies instead of a career" thing. But, I'm putting everything I have into this job, and, much as I would love to be back in that place where I have somebody I want to share my life with, I keep focusing on my job. It's really important to me.

life is a choice …your making a choice
keep making the one thats best for you

iwillhtfu

Do whatever makes you happy.

A high pressure busy career and a large salary wouldn't be my idea of happiness but to others it would.

A funny anicdote I saw the other day.

" I can't believe I work this hard to be this poor. "

mylefttesticle

It is actually good you are questioning this and not because I think the way you see your life is right or wrong its because some people leave it too late to decide what they really want in life. If you have put all your energy into gaining your dream job and have achieved that then congratulations that is an amazing achievement but it is only one achievement and life can have many!


Do not go on what others project, people are different and have different hopes and aspirations and what suits one maybe does not suit another, really its a decision you have to make on what you want and that takes deep personal searching from within because otherwise you just go by other peoples expectations and that can lead to some unhealthy choices made for the wrong reasons.

I will say with the right balance and the right partner it is possible to have a loving home environment and a happy work life.

Rubberchikken

please don't make excuses or be forced to make excuses for loving your career and the way it's going at the moment.
be proud of what you've achieved so far.
with the attitude you have, you'll achieve whatever else that you want to in the future.

for the moment, enjoy what you're doing.

CaraMay

What's stopping you having both? They aren't mutually exclusive. Go for both and if yu decide to take a step back when you meet the right one then that's fine too

meeeeh

WhichLife wrote: »

But, I realised talking to my friend today that her important stuff is her family - and at least they love her back.

And there are many people just like your friends who resent being at home and taking care of kids. And very often the love for the partner and possibly their kids is gone too. We all want ideals but in reality we have to go for what will keep us happy even when things aren't that great. Your priorities are not skewed if they are what it makes you happy.

Oink

I think it's about knowing yourself. Imagine yourself in 15 years, and try to think looking back, what are you likely to be proud of? Are you doing anything that deep down is not "you"? Are you seizing as many chances as you can?

This might point you in the right direction.

December2012

For everything there is a season - this is a time when you have the opportunity and the motive to push yourself in your career. That's an admirable thing and you should feel proud of yourself.

Is your career stopping you achieving your personal life goals? It doesn't appear to do that from your post.

So there is no problem with your priorities- if your time comes then you might change your motivation for a while. But that's ok.

groucho marx

Not sure why you cant do both if thats what you want.
I have been fairly successful in my career.worked hard stayed late got noticed and moved up the corporate ladder. A lot through developing my education also.
Last october I had a baby,i am back at work now about two months,i still work hard and have my career and further room to progress.my life is a lot more balanced now is the big change.
It can be done but nobody says all women should want babys,its definately hard work too.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys back for your responses. And you're very right. I am proud of getting to where It was hard work but it was also a bit of luck. When I look back, there were a lot of things that came together to make this happen. Even my last job, which led to my current one, I got on the basis of a diploma course that I did ages ago and it was pure coincidence that that my then boss wanted somebody with those particular skills. So I'm very lucky.

But I suppose I'm not 100% happy. Sure, who is? But, as was suggested earlier, I am still mourning what I had before. I'm getting affirmation from my job, but, if I let myself think about it - which I try not to - I am hugely missing my old life where I had somebody that I loved and trusted entirely and could share everything with. Even now, thinking about it is like a kick to the stomach. I've dated and all that, but I haven't met anybody that I really like.

I know relationships aren't all rainbows and kittens, but I feel I'm getting into a place where I close off from emotions and get on by living superficially. I have lots of fun and meet new people that I get on really well with, but, at the end of the day, they're just colleagues or acquaintances and I'd like somebody who actually cares about me.

Reading that back, I sound like a basket case. But maybe you get what I mean.