Family Dispute

Missterwriter

Hi Everyone,

Need a bit of objective advice. Myself and my boyfriend recently booked a US holiday to a resort in Orlando we have been to twice before. Everything about this place is special to us. We absolutely love it and as a couple (of saddos probably) we like to think of it as "our place". That being said, my brother and his new girlfriend were recently thinking of booking a US holiday also and I recommended our hotel and resort to him as I love it so much and I thought he would too. We then booked our dates and my brother told me he'd be booking his imminently. Okay, so here comes the awkward bit! I said to my brother that I would prefer he not book the exact same dates as us - this was an email conversation so he did have those dates to consult. I said that we'd prefer to not see anyone from home and if we were being weird we were sorry, that's just us. I thought he understood what I was saying but I was wrong because...you guessed it - my brother then booked same dates, same hotel same resort. When I asked him why he had done this, he was instantly angry that I even had an issue - it's not my resort I can't control who goes and when etc. I know that of course but I did have a preference to see no one from home and I did stress that. He now says that we have to pay to change his dates or just ''get on with it''. I don't think it's mine and my partners mistake so I'm not culpable for the change in fee. My brother won't change unless we pay and with all the arguments now it looks like our (expensive) holiday is ruined if he doesn't change dates. How on earth do I resolve this and am I at fault??

Mr. G

Moved from Limerick to Personal Issues > Relationship Issues

freshpopcorn

Why don't you change your dates?

Pomplamousse

Is the resort big enough that you could just stick with your dates but avoid them? You may bump into them once in a while but just don't actively make any plans to meet up with them?

Tasden

Both go on the same dates and just don't make arrangements together, its not like you're in the same room as them, you may not even see them.

Meauldsegosha

Missterwriter wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

Need a bit of objective advice. Myself and my boyfriend recently booked a US holiday to a resort in Orlando we have been to twice before. Everything about this place is special to us. We absolutely love it and as a couple (of saddos probably) we like to think of it as "our place". That being said, my brother and his new girlfriend were recently thinking of booking a US holiday also and I recommended our hotel and resort to him as I love it so much and I thought he would too. We then booked our dates and my brother told me he'd be booking his imminently. Okay, so here comes the awkward bit! I said to my brother that I would prefer he not book the exact same dates as us - this was an email conversation so he did have those dates to consult. I said that we'd prefer to not see anyone from home and if we were being weird we were sorry, that's just us. I thought he understood what I was saying but I was wrong because...you guessed it - my brother then booked same dates, same hotel same resort. When I asked him why he had done this, he was instantly angry that I even had an issue - it's not my resort I can't control who goes and when etc. I know that of course but I did have a preference to see no one from home and I did stress that. He now says that we have to pay to change his dates or just ''get on with it''. I don't think it's mine and my partners mistake so I'm not culpable for the change in fee. My brother won't change unless we pay and with all the arguments now it looks like our (expensive) holiday is ruined if he doesn't change dates. How on earth do I resolve this and am I at fault??

To be honest OP I think you are making mountains out of molehills. Just because you and your brother will be in the same resort at the same time doesn't mean you will have to see him 24/7. Orlando is a big place, it's easy enough to go a whole holiday without seeing someone.

Before you go tell your brother you are happy to meet them for dinner one night but will be doing your own thing the rest of the holiday.

username123

Your brother sounds like a selfish insensitive so and so.

Personally I'd change my own dates so as not to have a ruined expensive holiday.

Or just go and ignore them. But I can see how you will feel your privacy violated when trying to relax at the pool and them only a few metres away.

Yeah, change your own dates and don't make the mistake of sharing a good location with your wildly inappropriate brother again.

Missterwriter

I feel that if my brother had acted a little embarrassed or even said ''****, sorry I didn't mean to'' them we maybe could have gone ahead with the trip. But because he became so antagonistic so fast - "stuff you, I'm going, deal - we don't want to set eyes on you now anyway" - the whole thing became unworkable - how could be both be there in that atmosphere of avoidance? Neither me, nor my brother would have enjoyed the trip that way. Sick with worry about this whole thing. :-(

castaway_lady

You have to see this as a classic first world problem. Keep perspective, nobody has cancer or died here. Yea you have your way of doing things, he didnt respect that but both of you are overreacting royally. "Sick with worry" is a huge overreaction, when nobodies life or financial wellbeing are in danger here. You do your thing, they do theirs. If you run into them so be it, have a polite conversation and do your thing.

SingItOut

Personally OP I think you are the one being selfish. You can't dictate to your brother where he can and can't go. He has every right to go wherever he wants to, you sound very immature. You won't be in the same room, go do your own thing while at the resort. I'm sure your brother won't want to meet up with you at the resort if this is how you treat him so you shouldn't have a problem.

freshpopcorn

Missterwriter wrote: »

I feel that if my brother had acted a little embarrassed or even said ''****, sorry I didn't mean to'' them we maybe could have gone ahead with the trip. But because he became so antagonistic so fast - "stuff you, I'm going, deal - we don't want to set eyes on you now anyway" - the whole thing became unworkable - how could be both be there in that atmosphere of avoidance? Neither me, nor my brother would have enjoyed the trip that way. Sick with worry about this whole thing. :-(

You never said why you can't change dates! If its possible for your brother to change dates. Surley you can to?

liz lemoncello

SingItOut wrote: »

Personally OP I think you are the one being selfish. You can't dictate to your brother where he can and can't go. He has every right to go wherever he wants to, you sound very immature. You won't be in the same room, go do your own thing while at the resort. I'm sure your brother won't want to meet up with you at the resort if this is how you treat him so you shouldn't have a problem.

I sympathise with the OP. The same thing happened to me and my family. My sister's in-laws had heard us say good things about our annual vacation spot and booked the exact same time as us.

No, you can't dictate where others go, but we felt it was an intrusion on our family time, the only time we could all get together. In our case, they were asked to change and they did.

thefeatheredcat

Are you sure he even saw the email OP? Maybe he only saw it afterwards or his girlfriend picked the dates based on what flights and accommodations were available, prices and deals and both of them being able to go.

OP you can't control who goes where and when... like anyone from the same place as you could win or book a holiday there the same time, even the same resort because of the flights alone! And the resort may be a known one, a highly recommended one, for all you know you could be intruding on other people from home who have spotted ye there or who have gone out of their way to change their travel plans to make sure they avoid you, and you might not even know or realise it.

Best route would be to acknowledge that you're both going to be there at the same time and do your own separate thing. Orlando is a massive place, there is so much to do on the doorstep and outside any of the villas and resorts there, it would be easy enough to know someone else is there and never see them.

Chalk it up to experience and don't go volunteering a recommendation of your favourite spot to others if you know it's likely they will be going a similar time as you.

cactusgal

I have to agree with CaraMay and castaway lady. This is such a "first world problem."

Given the choice, no, I wouldn't particularly want to go on hols with my own brother, as he drives me a bit nuts whenever we have travelled together in the past; also, if I had a break booked for just myself and my boyfriend, then, yes, I'd prefer it to just be the two of us and not run into anyone else that we know.

But. My brother got deployed to Iraq in 2005 when he was in the US military, and I nearly LOST MY SH*T on a daily basis for fear that something would happen to him. I'd go on holidays with him every day if I had to, rather than losing him!

He is your brother, he is what you'll have when your parents eventually pass on. Look at the bigger picture and think about what's really important.

mr_edge_to_you

I think you're being a bit selfish. Maybe your brothers partner wasn't able to change the dates. Its peak holiday season. There's only 6 weeks of it left.

Missterwriter

With regards to the "first world problems" jibes - this is a relationships forum, what do you expect to find in here? If my problem isn't gritty enough for you, I apologise, perhaps you should pursue a more exciting thread. Thanks.

Flippyfloppy

I feel for you I really do, because now you're going on holidays with people with whom there's negative energy with.

You did ask your brother not to go the exact same dates, but he booked into those dates. At that point it probably would have been better to say nothing and keep your thoughts to yourself, and keep in mind that you would meet some days but mostly both couples do their own thing.

Attempting to force him to change his holiday is controlling and inappropriate, although I can understand you wanting to do that, as I too would avoid holidays with relatives.

What's done is done, really your only choice is to cancel/amend your holiday, which won't change what happened with you and your brother, or go on the holiday and live with it. Any couples I know who have happened to be in the same destination would usually do their own thing and maybe meet for dinner once a week to catch up. Unless they're very close knit and purposely went away together, and are drinking buddies!!!

Although they could have respected your request, I'd imagine they're feeling quite offended at you asking them what you did as well. Families huh?

Missterwriter

The holiday isn't within the next six weeks.

Missterwriter

I didn't try to force him at all. I asked him.

Flippyfloppy

Missterwriter wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

Need a bit of objective advice. Myself and my boyfriend recently booked a US holiday to a resort in Orlando we have been to twice before. Everything about this place is special to us. We absolutely love it and as a couple (of saddos probably) we like to think of it as "our place". That being said, my brother and his new girlfriend were recently thinking of booking a US holiday also and I recommended our hotel and resort to him as I love it so much and I thought he would too. We then booked our dates and my brother told me he'd be booking his imminently. Okay, so here comes the awkward bit! I said to my brother that I would prefer he not book the exact same dates as us - this was an email conversation so he did have those dates to consult. I said that we'd prefer to not see anyone from home and if we were being weird we were sorry, that's just us. I thought he understood what I was saying but I was wrong because...you guessed it - my brother then booked same dates, same hotel same resort. When I asked him why he had done this, he was instantly angry that I even had an issue - it's not my resort I can't control who goes and when etc. I know that of course but I did have a preference to see no one from home and I did stress that. He now says that we have to pay to change his dates or just ''get on with it''. I don't think it's mine and my partners mistake so I'm not culpable for the change in fee. My brother won't change unless we pay and with all the arguments now it looks like our (expensive) holiday is ruined if he doesn't change dates. How on earth do I resolve this and am I at fault??

Missterwriter wrote: »

I didn't try to force him at all. I asked him.

You spent a good bit of your OP talking about who is responsible for the change of date fee.

Missterwriter

Yes, when I asked him to change, the dispute of the fee came up. I never ever tried to force him to change.

freshpopcorn

Missterwriter wrote: »

With regards to the "first world problems" jibes - this is a relationships forum, what do you expect to find in here? If my problem isn't gritty enough for you, I apologise, perhaps you should pursue a more exciting thread. Thanks.

Well people here always try and help people. There are some great posters here. I post here when I feel I can offer advice as do others. There is nothing worst tough when people offer advice when posters act like this. It really rubs people up the wrong way.

So what can you do?
Go on the holiday.
Pay for your brothers fee.
Try and re book the holiday.
Sell your tickets/accomdation on the likes of Done Deal and book another holiday.

cactusgal

People here aren't looking for excitement, just offering advice. If you don't want advice, I'm not sure why you're on here, TBH. I'm bowing out of this one, good luck.

Missterwriter

Taking shots at the very nature of my problem is just about the poorest excuse of help/advice I've ever seen.

CaraMay

You asked if you were at fault and don't like when you are told that you are.

You resolve it by copping on and getting on with it. You want to control the responses here and your brothers holiday it would seem.

Good luck and good night

freshpopcorn

Missterwriter wrote: »

Taking shots at the very nature of my problem is just about the poorest excuse of help/advice I've ever seen.

You came here looking for advice and people have given you good advice.(Sometimes it mighn't be what you want to hear)
You can't make your brother a grown man change his dates. He says if you want he'll change the dates if you pay. This is one of your options.
Another one of your options is to change the dates of your holiday.
Another is to sell your holiday to some else.
Another is to go on the holiday and try and grin and bare it and have as little contact with him as possible.
You could also go on the holiday and spend loads of time with him you might enjoy it.

I myself would have no problem going on holidays with my siblings. We get on well together. Life is can be short.(imo). I'd regret not going if anything did happen in the future to them.

Flippyfloppy

Missterwriter wrote: »

I didn't try to force him at all. I asked him.

Right, I'm out. Clearly it was a waste of time spending some of mySaturday evening offering you advice if you're just going to nitpick at my choice of words.

Meauldsegosha

Missterwriter wrote: »

Taking shots at the very nature of my problem is just about the poorest excuse of help/advice I've ever seen.

This happens a lot of the time when posters don't like the advice they were given. It's a public forum OP and that means you will get a wide range of views.

I stand by my original post in that I think you are making mountains out of molehills. You are creating drama when there doesn't need to be any. Are you used to always getting your own way?

meeeeh

Well you can squabble with your brother, sulk at any future family occasions you will have and make it really awkward for everyone. Or you can go on holidays and do your own thing. That is tge problem with giving people info about your favourite spots, they stop being just yours.

I find his actions a bit ignorant and yours a bit childish. It's up to you two how big of a deal you want to make out of it and possibly drag into it the whole family. Personally I would think no holiday is worth that.

DoozerT6

I think some of you are being a bit harsh on the OP: her brother booked the very same holiday dates and destination as her even though she specifically asked him not to (whatever the reasons, they are her own and perfectly valid to her). He went ahead and did exactly what she had asked him NOT to do and told her 'tough luck, YOU can pay for me to change it' when she asked him why he did it. IMO, that's a perfectly good reason to be pissed off with someone. I would probably have a few choice words about it too. Being annoyed is not being childish, it's being human and feeling hard done by, by a family member who knew exactly what he was doing. Did he have the RIGHT to book those dates? OF course he did, and he did so knowing that it would upset the OP.

OP, if I were you, I would change my dates and just don't mention it to him. If the subject comes up, just say, "oh we changed it to *whatever date* instead. How are your haemorrhoids?" or some other unrelated subject. Don't let it become a family problem; you'll still have your holiday, and be zen-like about your brother's holiday dates if he mentions it to you: you can choose to let him upset you, or not.

Canard

What about telling him you changed your dates without actually doing so? Then, even if he sees you, he'll probably know to stay away.

jdsk2006

How ignorant and rude of your brother and his partner, you work hard all year and your entitled to your holiday and privacy.
If i was you i would be changing or cancelling as you couldn't relax fully now anyways so why waste so much money??

Iv heard it all......its amazing how thick some people can be!!!! Bet they thought you wpuld just stay quiet and let them piggyback on your holiday op ......don't bow down whatever ya do

jdsk2006

How ignorant and rude of your brother and his partner, you work hard all year and your entitled to your holiday and privacy.
If i was you i would be changing or cancelling as you couldn't relax fully now anyways so why waste so much money??

Iv heard it all......its amazing how thick some people can be!!!! Bet they thought you wpuld just stay quiet and let them piggyback on your holiday op ......don't bow down whatever ya do

Icsics

This is not worth falling out over. Orlando is huge & always busy, you will easily be able to avoid them when ur there. Just make sure to be vague about your plans, what you don't want is them tagging along everywhere but as I said this can be avoided. You might even be able to share some costs like this to/from airports

Dear posters,
While we appreciate you offering a fresh perspective to OP, please take it easy and keep it helpful

thanks

Starokan

I think its highly unlikely that either you or your brother will change your holiday dates or venue so the only option is to make the best of it and falling out is definitely not the way to do this. It would make for a pretty horrible holiday if you both are ignoring each other in a resort.

Its possible he is unsure as to why you would not want him around, I can see your point of view totally but he may be hurt at you expressly asking him not to book a time that you would be there.

Meet and talk if possible, someone has to make the first move to reconcile, explain that you love to holiday alone as in just you and your bf, tell him you thought he would understand but now that its happened can you both put it behind you and if you meet while away at least there will be no awkwardness.

I appreciate many will say why should you make the first move as he is at fault but from your posts its likely he will not budge and you will just begin to dread the holiday more and more. Make the move to sort things out

ncmc

I can totally see where you're coming from OP, I would be like a dog if a sibling did this to me. I love my family to bits and have been on several holidays with them, but if I booked a holiday in Orlando (which I'm sure wasn't cheap) and one of them basically shoe horned themselves into my plans, I'd be seriously pee'd off. I'm sure you've been saving and looking forward to this holiday for a long time and this dispute is bound to have taken the shine off it.

But to practicalities, is it possible for you to change your dates? I know there would be a cost involved, but if you booked with a travel company it might not be that much. I know you probably feel you shouldn't have to have the hassle or expense of changing but it's worth taking the hit to have a more enjoyably trip.

If it's not possible to change, then just go and not make plans with your brother. I'm sure it's a large resort you've booked with more than one pool etc, chances are you won't see your brother unless you make concrete plans. If he tries to make plans to meet up, I'd be telling him you're there to have quality time with your BF. Maybe meet him once or twice, but I certainly wouldn't be making a habit out of it. If he gets odd at that then tough titty to him.

Don't feel bad about this being a 'first world problem' (bloody hate that phrase) sure it's not life or death, but it's upsetting you so it's as valid a problem as any other.

I hope you can put this behind you and have a great time. I've been to Orlando three times myself and LOVE it. I'm sure you'll forget all this unpleasantness the minute you step off the plane.

Merkin

I can't believe how harsh some people are being to the OP. I adore my brothers and love hanging out with them but I'd be livid in this situation. You explicitly asked the little sh1t to exclude certain dates and he went and booked them.....infuriating!!

I do however think you're going to have to take the financial hit. I think you should hang on to your own dates but pay for him to change his, you booked first after all. Sucking it up would be futile, you wouldn't relax. I'd try and resolve this as quickly as possible to avoid it blowing into a family feud.

Teyla Emmagan

Personally I wouldn't care in the slightest if my brother was there at the same time as me OP. What will you be up to exactly that would make the minor annoyance of his presence an issue? It's not like you even need to see him if you don't want to. Separate lives and all that.

I do think it's very odd that he booked the same dates when you specifically asked him not to though. Surely there's a million hotels in Orlando.

He's right though, you don't own the place. If you don't want to pay to change his dates, or can't change your own, you will have to live with it. There is no point causing a massive family wide fuss.

Neyite

Merkin wrote: »

I can't believe how harsh some people are being to the OP. I adore my brothers and love hanging out with them but I'd be livid in this situation. You explicitly asked the little sh1t to exclude certain dates and he went and booked them.....infuriating!!

I do however think you're going to have to take the financial hit. I think you should hang on to your own dates but pay for him to change his, you booked first after all. Sucking it up would be futile, you wouldn't relax. I'd try and resolve this as quickly as possible to avoid it blowing into a family feud.

I also think you have to suck it up OP, unfortunately. Your brother has shown a not-so-nice side to him there, completely disregarding your wishes and its one to tuck away for future reference. If I were you, I'd quietly change my dates, and not tell anyone until its absolutely too late for them to change theirs, and you could just tell him that your partner or you didnt get holidays approved at work so you had to move the dates.

I think that he is wary that a first holiday with a new girlfriend can either be a blast or a disaster, spending a solid 2 weeks with a person in a strange country and by making it a group thing, he could maybe fob her off on you to do 'girlie' things to get space from her should he need it. Hedging his bets as it were. It may be that the girlfriend is pushing for a romantic type holiday and he is not ready for that. Either way, he was out of order to disregard how you feel, but as he has shown, your feelings are of no importance to him.

For what its worth, we mentioned booking our holiday once and 14 family members also jumped on board. Fourteen. So we waited until they were all booked up and we booked a different hotel at the other end of the town, saying that their one didnt have availability for us. Different flights too. We met them 2 nights out of 13 which was bearable, but the rest of it, we did our own thing. It helped that we liked to do active things on holiday and the rest didnt so any activities we were going on, they had no interest in.

Hope it works out for you OP.

pookie82

Missterwriter wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

Need a bit of objective advice. Myself and my boyfriend recently booked a US holiday to a resort in Orlando we have been to twice before. Everything about this place is special to us. We absolutely love it and as a couple (of saddos probably) we like to think of it as "our place". That being said, my brother and his new girlfriend were recently thinking of booking a US holiday also and I recommended our hotel and resort to him as I love it so much and I thought he would too. We then booked our dates and my brother told me he'd be booking his imminently. Okay, so here comes the awkward bit! I said to my brother that I would prefer he not book the exact same dates as us - this was an email conversation so he did have those dates to consult. I said that we'd prefer to not see anyone from home and if we were being weird we were sorry, that's just us. I thought he understood what I was saying but I was wrong because...you guessed it - my brother then booked same dates, same hotel same resort. When I asked him why he had done this, he was instantly angry that I even had an issue - it's not my resort I can't control who goes and when etc. I know that of course but I did have a preference to see no one from home and I did stress that. He now says that we have to pay to change his dates or just ''get on with it''. I don't think it's mine and my partners mistake so I'm not culpable for the change in fee. My brother won't change unless we pay and with all the arguments now it looks like our (expensive) holiday is ruined if he doesn't change dates. How on earth do I resolve this and am I at fault??

For those of you saying "you might not even bump into them", eh... he's after booking the same hotel, not just the same resort. What exactly was he thinking?

OP don't heed people coming in here with notion of what is and isn't a major problem... it's a problem to you and I can certainly see why it would be. I'd be livid in your situation.

A holiday (particularly a US one) isn't something you book on a whim... you've probably saved like crazy, looked forward to it for months and maybe it's your only one this year. And now the whole thing has a shadow over it because your brother decided to shoulder in on it with a girl you probably barely know! It's unfortunate that he's being so rude about it even when you stated it'd make you uncomfortable to have them there at the same time, but it looks like you're going to have to change your own dates and say nothing to anyone until the time comes, so that he doesn't grossly misunderstand you again and change his too!!

I'm not sure why he even wants to go on holiday with a NEW gf by tagging with his sibling? How is that going to be a romantic getaway for any of you?

Anyway, I'd be in full agreement that a couples holiday is something you want to be completely exclusive unless otherwise agreed well in advance and you're right to be annoyed, I'd be furious. How you're being labelled as some sort of control freak over this on here is beyond me!

groucho marx

Have to say I would be gutted if I was your brother and you were this horrified by hearing I would be in orlando the same week.
I do think he was silly to book the same time,but nobodys died it could be worse.
Do ye not see eye to eye in general?

DoozerT6

Groucho, she spoke to her brother BEFORE he booked his holiday and explained that she would like to be alone with her BF during the holiday. He then went and booked the same resort and dates as her after she specifically asked him not to. It's not like her brother would be surprised that she would be 'horrified', he completely ignored what she asked him. After all, she had booked her holiday first and there are any amount of other places in Orlando he could have booked if he really wants to go there. And then expect HER to pay for him to change his dates??

It's not the end of the world if they end up in the same resort at the same time, nobody is disputing that; I think it's more the complete lack of consideration for her request that is the OP's issue. He did exactly what she asked him NOT to do; anybody would be annoyed at that, especially if you were looking forward to some alone time with your other half.

Mighty_Mouse

Ok, so your brother lacks a little imagination when it comes to figuring out an holiday for himself. You sold him on the resort and the only dates that suited were the same dates. He just said to himself, "sure screw it, she'll get over it". I doubt he expected your to create a situation whereby your relationship is possibly permanently damaged?

How does a situation degenerate to this?

Ok, I can appreciate wanting to get away from it all.
Why would it be so bad to have the occasional meal together or having somebody to meet up and catch some sights?

Why the obsession with now meeting nobody from home?

It's all a little odd for me.

CaraMay

I find it odd too. It's a hotel in Florida - probably MASSIVE and without much chance of bumping into your bf nevermind your brother. It's not like you're going to an 8 room castle - total overreaction IMHO

tinkerbell

I agree that some seem to be very harsh on the OP. The OP helped her brother out by recommending a hotel to them. Bear in mind that this is also a NEW girlfriend. The only thing the OP asked was that they don't book the same dates as them (a perfectly reasonable request, for goodness sake!) and the brother just goes off and books the exact same dates for the exact same hotel, and when the OP complains about it he tells her to get over it and she can pay the change fee. Tbh, that doesn't sound to me like it was just an accident - I agree with Neyite in that since it's a new relationship he could probably try to hang around with the OP and her partner and if needs be can fob the gf off on the OP if the brother needs a bit of space. But seriously, that is weird. Why the heck would you want to go on holiday with your new girlfriend with your sister?! If the brother is happy for the OP to pay the change fee then it's pretty clear that those particular dates were not of particular meaning to the brother and his gf and that he did just book those dates to hedge his bets.

OP, I would be furious in your situation. You presumably saved up a while to go on this trip which is special to you and your partner, then your brother and his gf gatecrash your holiday. It's not even the point that it's a big hotel (presumably) - even if it is, you will still run into them all the time. And what are you gonna do? Tell them to get lost? You'll spend most of your holiday trying to avoid them and it'll turn into an awful holiday for you. Heck, you'll even have to hang around with them at the airport. My recommendation would be to suck it up and pay the change fee for YOUR holiday (not his) if you can. How much is the change fee? And for the love of god, don't tell your brother the new dates because he may just change his dates to your new dates again.

And in future, don't discuss holiday plans with him because he sounds so spiteful.

Matteroffact

I just think it was very insensitive of you to ask your brother to change his dates. He obviously didn't mind the fact that you would be there and is probably highly insulted at your reaction. I don't think he realised you were serious when you said you didn't want to see him there at the same time, probably thought you were joking. I think that the whole thing is very sad really. I would be very hurt if one of my siblings treated me like this.