Men in social situations

LegacyUser

Is it true to claim that socially men can get away so much more than women when it comes to being introverted ( or quiet or shy ). For example a guy can spend time on his own like go clothes shopping, go fishing, get something to eat at a restaurant and go for a pint or to watch the match but nobody would blink an eyelid or say its weird. but if a woman did any of this people would say she was odd and friends or acquantances would probably not put her at the top of their list as potential buddies or people who were fun etc.
Even when in a group of friends and the company of others eg in the pub, its grand for a guy to say little, just sit there taking it in over a pint or in deep concentration looking at the match.Whereas the women are expected to be talking be interesting be fun be heard and if a quiet woman sat there saying nothing the other girls probably would notice this, would talk about it and use it as a reason not to socialise with her next time.
I know a lot of women who are chatty enough, confident etc but don't have much friends or none at all, and I know men who are quiet, don't talk much , sit there saying little in social situations but are a magnet for friends.
Is this just my interpretation or does anyone else feel this is true or have encountered similar experiences with people.

Pepe LeFrits

I think it's just your interpretation to be honest.

In my experience there's quite a lot of pressure on men to be extroverted too.

BeeBee3434 wrote: »

people would say she was odd and friends or acquantances would probably not put her at the top of their list as potential buddies or people who were fun etc.

Really?

I'd be very surprised if any of my female friends thought that. I've a female friend who is very independent; she regularly goes traveling on her own, hits bars and restaurants on her own etc and everyone loves her. Being confident enough to do your own thing isn't weird, it's awesome.

Jack Skellington

I think your style of socialising whether that be introversion or extraversion doesn't really give the whole picture of you as a person. IME I've met plenty of quiet people who were dead sound and others who weren't that pleasant, and the same with extroverts.

Some guys do sit with little to say in big group situations like you describe op but then they turn into bloody comedians when you get to know them or in smaller groups.

ongarboy

I would think there is some truth to OP's interpretation but also some generalisation. Some will find a girl who says little or is introverted a bit odd but many others wont. Likewise with men. Also, I would say that more extroverted and social men tend to form friendships more easily than introverted or aloof men so that goes against your theory that the quieter guys are social magnets. But again, that's just my observation.

As regards dating or scoring, I would think for a girl, being shy or demure can sometimes work in her favour as men are traditionally seen as the hunter and this attribute of a woman may appeal to them. A shy or introverted male who is also expected to be the pursuer may find this works against him as they may not have the confidence to flirt or proactively chat up a woman and also find the woman is turned off by such bashfulness.

Awkward Badger

I don't know what its like for a woman in that situation but from what I've seen the reaction to those things whether done by men or women seem to be pretty much the same. Some people are a bit introverted and others are not and in any group there will usually be someone that fits that description and some accept it while others tend to prod and poke to get them more involved.

I know both men and women who go and do thing on their own and I don't see any difference in how either are viewed. As with the involvement aspect some people will think it weird and others wont but I never experienced anything to suggest its more of an issue for women.

strobe

I would have thought quite the opposite to be honest.

entropi

It depends on the company you keep tbh. I have friends who are introverted, extroverted ,and ambiverted (like myself) and each group would react different according to those stimuli and social situations.

TimeToShine

From what I've seen it's the exact opposite. Girls being quiet will be seen as reserved and demure, both highly desirable qualities. Lads who don't talk or like to keep to themselves are seen as shy, socially awkward or no craic.

kiffer

I do stuff on my own a fair amount, zoo, cinema, museums, events and what have you.
Every now and then a friend or acquaintance will say "oh, you're very brave... are you not worried that people would think you are a weirdo"
and frankly that's the one of the things that most makes me feel like people might think I'm weird.

and being a "sad weirdo" is fairly high up there on the list of things to avoid.

Is this worse for women or for men?
Hard to say...
But like many social things there are certainly many people falling through the cracks...

Middle Man

TBH, does it really matter - this is supposed to be a free world. Another thing - would women kindly refrain from telling men how they should look and passing comment - at least say it to the person's face - anyway, it's none of their business. For example, what's wrong with loose clothes on men - particularly shirts??? If the weather is hot, I'll wear my clothes looser as they allow more airflow around the body - form should follow function, not fashion. Also, I can get a lot more wears between washes with looser clothes and with the water bills starting soon, I will continue to wear loose clothes! Women, more men seem to be wearing very loose shirts, so you might as well get used to it!!!

Pug160

In very, very simple terms, I think men are expected to be more assertive, which means that in very, very simple terms, they're judged more harshly. But there's probably not a lot of difference in reality. Women do talk more than men though, that's not disputed.

Fat Christy

I'm an outgoing introvert (or so I like to think), as in I'd talk the hind legs off an ass but I do a lot of things on my own. I just love being by myself. I shop by myself, go on trips alone, join clubs alone, eat out alone and I know soooooo many people and have a lot of friends because of that! I tend to make friends with men easily and like minded women. I just can't deal with cliqueyness and not being able to do what I want, when I want. So when I want to do something, I do it but in most cases meet people along the way.

I have never being judged for being by myself. I was actually away at the weekend and I was staying in a hotel where I had ate a year before. They had no wifi in the rooms and I needed to get my project finished. The barman in the pub recognised me and we were having a great chat. He set me up in the corner near the socket and I sat there all night with my head phones in, in total bliss.
There's another little pub I eat in now and again. I usually go there by myself and the barmaid always has a paper for me and we do be chatting away. I definitely don't think I'd know half as many people if I didn't venture out on my own all the time. I have my constant core group of friends but a lot of them are abroad, so I wouldn't see them that often.

I think gender is pretty irrelevant, it never affected me anyway. If people want to judge me, off with them. 0 is the amount of fcuk's I give.

lazybones32

I'd be inclined to agree with you for people under a certain age.
I think as people get older, they maybe care less about how others view them and realise that people don't spend that long thinking or talking about them anyway. If people decide to spend time talking about "how weird I am " because I'm in the pub on my ownsome, then that says a lot more about them - how petty and boring they are - than it does about me.

But yeah, women seem more sensitive to the social 'rules' that a woman cannot go for a drink on her own. Go out on her own and meet friend-yes. Go for a solitary drink - no.

Lou.m

BeeBee3434 wrote: »

Is it true to claim that socially men can get away so much more than women when it comes to being introverted ( or quiet or shy ). For example a guy can spend time on his own like go clothes shopping, go fishing, get something to eat at a restaurant and go for a pint or to watch the match but nobody would blink an eyelid or say its weird. but if a woman did any of this people would say she was odd and friends or acquantances would probably not put her at the top of their list as potential buddies or people who were fun etc.
Even when in a group of friends and the company of others eg in the pub, its grand for a guy to say little, just sit there taking it in over a pint or in deep concentration looking at the match.Whereas the women are expected to be talking be interesting be fun be heard and if a quiet woman sat there saying nothing the other girls probably would notice this, would talk about it and use it as a reason not to socialise with her next time.
I know a lot of women who are chatty enough, confident etc but don't have much friends or none at all, and I know men who are quiet, don't talk much , sit there saying little in social situations but are a magnet for friends.
Is this just my interpretation or does anyone else feel this is true or have encountered similar experiences with people.

No . People don't care either way.

I have no problem doing anything on my own. I enjoy it a lot. I'm female. Nobody blinks.

You end up chatting to people anyway. (mostly those of the opposite gender mind but hey)

No one should give a toss.

TimeToShine

I don't think a good looking woman could really get away with having a drink "on her own" without being approached in some way. Highly unlikely that this would apply to a guy unless he's exceptionally attractive.

Fat Christy

TimeToShine wrote: »

I don't think a good looking woman could really get away with having a drink "on her own" without being approached in some way.

Thanks a lot Time to Shine, I has the hurt.

TimeToShine

Tact clearly isn't my strong point, I humbly apologize for any offense caused!

Fat Christy

TimeToShine wrote: »

Tact clearly isn't my strong point, I humbly apologize for any offense caused!

I'll forgive you this time but only if you chat me up the next time I'm alone in a bar. I'll be the fat pasty one in the corner. :pac:

walshb

In a nutshell men can get away with being more the loner than women. It's just society. Men are perceived as strong and capable of looking after themselves. Times are changing, but it's still there. A woman on her own out and about comes across as more vulnerable. "They need chaperoning."

The perfect examples are a man and a woman in a bar. A man on his own drinking would not be even thought about. A woman alone drinking would be thought about. It's a hell of a lot more rare. Same with going to a club or disco. Men do go on their own from time to time. I have never come across a woman at a disco/club alone.

You would hear quite a lot from men about "popping down the pub for a quiet pint." Never hear that from a woman. It's not done. The man can go down on his own and have that pint. A woman can too, but it just rarely happens. Any pubs I have been in I can't say that I have seen women on their own having a drink. Maybe once or twice I did.

Sadderday

I'd rather be out alone chilling than out with an a'sshole bloke or judgemental mate

I'd go to a pub .... but I really don't get the nightclub alone thing

walshb

Sadderday wrote: »

I'd rather be out alone chilling than out with an a'sshole bloke or judgemental mate
g

What about a sound bloke, or nice friend?

Potatoeman

There are different levels of socially awkward. Some people are quiet in groups or around people he dont know. Some people will be nervous around people they dont know well even in a one on one talk. I dont think there is more pressure on women but it sounds like its coming from your friends.
I would agree with one poster that said it can be seen as attractive in a woman but not as much in a man as they are expected to initiate more often.

Sadderday

walshb wrote: »

What about a sound bloke, or nice friend?

ah yeah of course, just saying.... sometimes your own company can be better!!