What to do next?

LegacyUser

here is our situation maybe some parents on here can help us by giving us different opinions,

there is my husband working full time, well paid, permanent position (which means he will get redundancy should it arise)

our 5 year old daughter heading to primary school for Junior infants. after previously doing pre-school the past two years. she is an only child and will remain so for the foreseeable future.

and myself currently i am in full time education (2 years out of 4 done) looking at heading into a 3rd year with (possibly paid, but may not be) work placement in industry,

we financially are struggling under the above arrangement, between my fee's, paying for childcare in a creche, everyday costs like lunches...etc and trying to save for a mortgage (as our rent agreement for our current home is up in two years time so we will have to move,) and a mortgage for a house we want would be cheaper than what we are currently paying out in rent. the problem is what would be going into savings is going on her creche and my education's fee's and costs.

the issue has come up in what has got to give, and the options as we see it are,

i give up education i can defer for a year and decided next summer,but essentially i stay at home and mind our daughter: advantages of this are first and foremost i am there at collection time every day (this is very important to us especially for her first year), i have more time to help her with homework, and to drop her to various after school activities she could take up if i am around, make a dinner for her my husband and myself, and we save on creche fee's educational fee's and daily commuting costs. realistically this means we would be able to buy before next summer.

disadvantages, i am giving up half way through so to speak which means should i go back in a few years i will have to start all over again, (and there is the hassle of dealing with my family who prioritise higher education and will give me the "you are wasting your life" speech) it does mean possibly losing any potential career i may have, but i am lucky that once we have a mortgage we will be in the position to afford me going back in a few years time especially when she won't need after school care.


or we keep going as we are with me in education,

advantages: i LOVE my course, i am doing really good at all of it bar one small part i don't like, but i work on it and i got through it, i do like being out and about with people you can have a conversation with. and obviously i will finally get a qualification, i wanted so badly to have a 3rd level qualification,

disadvantages: it means random family members will be drafted in as they can to collect our daughter, none of them are reliably available, so it will be a "play it by ear" arrangement.

it means paying a lot of money for afterschool (she would go to the creche she loves and has been in for years already if we had to put her in afterschool) which may not even be used as our mothers tend to have idea's of their own when we aren't around which leads to our next problem,

it means at 5pm everyday my husband or i no matter how busy work is (when i am on placement especially i will have to make a good impression) would have to down tools and leave and probably end up ringing around to see if our mothers (which ever one was supposedly collecting her) have dropped her off at after school or do we have an extra potential 30 minute commute in the opposite direction to home to pick up our child.

meaning we wouldn't be home until gone 6pm and it would be literally "how was your day?" , "Eat your dinner", " do your homework" and bed. with fast or frozen foods as we have a habit of doing when we are busy.

then financially we would not be able to afford to save a deposit so we would be looking to rent again, not easy where we are living (high rental demand), high cost, and that could be problematic school wise, commute wise and we hate moving as we have already moved once since she was born and it was awful, we want a steady home,

any ideas? sorry i don't know how to shorten it without omitting some of our situation or feelings on things which are relevant on whats best to do for our daughter?

c07

I don't see how you are giving up if you are just deferring for a year. If I've read your post correctly it seems a no brainer. I.e. you defer the year, be there for daughter's collections for first year of school. (which you state you want to be!) And buy that house.
Once in house, financially better off , you go back to college and then use childcare/extended family - whichever works best.
good luck whatever your decision. it's always difficult to find the right balance

LegacyUser

c07 wrote: »

I don't see how you are giving up if you are just deferring for a year. If I've read your post correctly it seems a no brainer. I.e. you defer the year, be there for daughter's collections for first year of school. (which you state you want to be!) And buy that house.
Once in house, financially better off , you go back to college and then use childcare/extended family - whichever works best.
good luck whatever your decision. it's always difficult to find the right balance

the deferring a year is to give me more time to decide, but ultimately if we do save money and buy a house it will take a few years to build up savings to pay for college again which means i will be starting from scratch maybe 5 years down the line maybe 10, and i will probably do a shorter course that i would be interested in but isn't quite the same as i am doing,

or next year/this year i plow through with education and risk finances and buying a home?

it might sound like a no brainer but being a two time drop out with the grief i will get from my relatives is going to be hard too, they don't rate being a stay at home mom as a job, or as being important,

i know we are so so lucky to be in a position where we have these options, i know others are really struggling financially, but i am so torn on what to do next...i meet parents who are in college but they either have their home bought, or are happy renting, we have to move in two years either way so we'd rather buy, but that does mean dropping out overall.

i just don't know what to do, i want to be a good mom but what does that mean? having an education? or being there? what do other parents think?

pwurple

Sound like some geographical issues here as well as financial. We had a somewhat similar issue when our daughter was first born. Myself and husband both worked, at opposite sides of the city, and our parents both lived close to eachother in another area.

We moved house. We moved to within spitting distance of our parents, enroled our child in schools near them, and creche near them. This meant our parents were able to do the collections, and we didn't have the massive commute. W rented for a few years in that situation, waiting for a place to come up in that area that we could afford to buy.

Now, that move to that area may not sound like a big deal, but it really gave us back about 2 hours a day, (1 hour morning and evening) which is a massive amount with your child.

I suggest there is very little difference between starting to save for a house now, and starting to save for a house in two years time. Continue your course and complete it. There is huge risk of dropping out or not doing as well if you defer, you lose a lot of things, including things like contact with the other students doing your course. I know it may not seem like it now, but these people are very important contacts in your future career.

If I were you, I would take the rest of this summer, and maybe next summer, to start to find some place reasonable to rent closer to parents, as they are helping you out with after school care and yiu have this pressure to move any way in two years. This will save you time, and petrol / wear and tear on vehicles. And also probably food money. Downsize if you can, but if not, take into account the amount you can save on fuel etc. You could live in a teeny tiny place short term to save even more money. If parents can't do the afterschool care, try to find a childminder in the area who can. They are often cheaper (and sometimes more homely) than the school programs.

Renting for an extra two years in the course of your lifetime means nothing. Seriously it's a drop in the ocean.

Get your course under your belt, by having a more secure place to rent.

LegacyUser

pwurple wrote: »

Sound like some geographical issues here as well as financial. We had a somewhat similar issue when our daughter was first born. Myself and husband both worked, at opposite sides of the city, and our parents both lived close to eachother in another area.

We moved house. We moved to within spitting distance of our parents, enroled our child in schools near them, and creche near them. This meant our parents were able to do the collections, and we didn't have the massive commute. W rented for a few years in that situation, waiting for a place to come up in that area that we could afford to buy.

Now, that move to that area may not sound like a big deal, but it really gave us back about 2 hours a day, (1 hour morning and evening) which is a massive amount with your child.

I suggest there is very little difference between starting to save for a house now, and starting to save for a house in two years time. Continue your course and complete it. There is huge risk of dropping out or not doing as well if you defer, you lose a lot of things, including things like contact with the other students doing your course. I know it may not seem like it now, but these people are very important contacts in your future career.

If I were you, I would take the rest of this summer, and maybe next summer, to start to find some place reasonable to rent closer to parents, as they are helping you out with after school care and yiu have this pressure to move any way in two years. This will save you time, and petrol / wear and tear on vehicles. And also probably food money. Downsize if you can, but if not, take into account the amount you can save on fuel etc. You could live in a teeny tiny place short term to save even more money. If parents can't do the afterschool care, try to find a childminder in the area who can. They are often cheaper (and sometimes more homely) than the school programs.

Renting for an extra two years in the course of your lifetime means nothing. Seriously it's a drop in the ocean.

Get your course under your belt, by having a more secure place to rent.

thank you all for your replies, it really helps to talk these things out from different perspectives, so thank you,

just to address a few things,

it is not so much a geographical issue, in the sense we live in the same town as one mother and 30 minutes away from the other, but where we are is in the middle if you get me like


mother2

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mother 1 & us & school & after school (not in her primary school)

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work


so if mother2 decided on a whim (which is likely) to take our daughter to hers rather than afterschool as we would have asked, it would mean an hours journey from work to hers, and then another 30 minutes to home, as things stand i am in college in our area so i collect her most days and bring her home, and we all get home at 5pm giving us time to do things,

but then nether mother is inclined to do as we ask, and we feel we would never know 100% if they will be there on time or not to collect her from school,

Rent wise, we pay more than what a mortgage would be, but what we have is cheap for this area, we have downsized as much as we can (two bedroom apartment) to keep things low, but my fee's which also result in childcare fee's are stopping us from saving a deposit, as every year our savings go on my education,

if we didn't pay it in september coming we could be buying by next july, if we do, we will be another year and a bit away from starting to save for a deposit.

as for renting elsewhere near here, there is nothing suitable available, we were lucky 3 years ago to fall into this rental scheme, and have to be out in 2 years time, as they are being re-allocated (its one of these "ghost estates" ) back to the builders to sell,

as for losing friends/contacts, all of those have left this course anyway, we meet up on occasions for things, and keep in touch regularly online, so i am not worried about that,

i guess staying in education means having to depend on (undependable) others to collect my daughter, help her with her homework..etc, it would also mean less after school activities for her, as if i was collecting her i could drop her off/collect her, and we could afford it, with paying for after school care like i say she may or may not get brought there on the whim of family members collecting her and we still pay.

i am just wondering should i be a mother now, and worry about a career later? or should i do career now?

pwurple

You don't become any less of a mother by studying or having a job.

There is no rush to buy a house. With buying a house comes and unending stream of maintenance and decorative expense, new boiler, i'll just paint the child's bedroom, The washing machine is broken, the roof tile blew off in a storm, etc etc etc. the mortgage repayments may be smaller than rent, but you will also be required to have life policies and house insurance in order to get that mortgage. Property tax, water charges. Owning a house is very rarely cheaper than renting when you add all the extras in.

It's only two years, and you have the summer and school holidays off.

c07

Ok, I was of the impression that you would only be taking a year out from college. If it means that long out then I would say educate yourself first so. nothing wrong with renting in the short term for the long term gains.

marizpan

In your posts, it comes across as you don't like your college course or that you have already made up your mind.

Is this accurate? Would you have good job prospects in two years if you completed it? Would you regret it if you give it up?

Education is a wiser investment than a deferred house purchase, assuming that your degree is employable.

LegacyUser

marizpan wrote: »

In your posts, it comes across as you don't like your college course or that you have already made up your mind.

Is this accurate? Would you have good job prospects in two years if you completed it? Would you regret it if you give it up?

Education is a wiser investment than a deferred house purchase, assuming that your degree is employable.

probably more my mind is kind of made up, but i am still unsure, especially with all the opinions here saying stick it out,

Would you have good job prospects in two years if you completed it? it would seem so, one company abroad after seeing my previous work experience were asking me to come over for the summer holidays and work for them, i obviously couldn't go and leave my husband and child at home,

BUT if i am working full time, it will cause problems at home, i won't be there, and i desperately want to be for my child, i'd love something more part time, which i probably could get, but nothing is definite as most people in this area work more than 9-5 hours, and it would be not exactly professional to be running out the door at 5pm on the dot

although it came across that way this is not education v purchasing a house,


its education v being there for our child, looking after our child and purchasing a house

we are only having one child, i will never get to do the parent thing again, and i feel like i am missing out on it because i am gone mon-fri 9-5 and at weekends i have to study do course work. its very intensive course work wise. if i go back in september i won't be collecting her from school, i won't see her midweek, and at weekends ill have projects and assignments the last year was hell for me trying to juggle everything, although i do love my course.

as for the costs mentioned between renting and a mortgage we prepared for all of the above and everything inclusive (life insurance, interest...etc) is still cheaper monthly than our current rent, i was trying to explain how in 2-3 years time we should be able to afford to put me through education, but in 2-3 years time our daughter won't need us as much...

i guess i feel like i have my whole life to go to college and work, but i only have now to spend time with my child, we are lucky in that we can afford for me not to work, and my studying is having a negative financial impact, so what do i do?

Paddy Cow

whattodonext? wrote: »

the deferring a year is to give me more time to decide, but ultimately if we do save money and buy a house it will take a few years to build up savings to pay for college again which means i will be starting from scratch maybe 5 years down the line maybe 10, and i will probably do a shorter course that i would be interested in but isn't quite the same as i am doing,

or next year/this year i plow through with education and risk finances and buying a home?

it might sound like a no brainer but being a two time drop out with the grief i will get from my relatives is going to be hard too, they don't rate being a stay at home mom as a job, or as being important,

i know we are so so lucky to be in a position where we have these options, i know others are really struggling financially, but i am so torn on what to do next...i meet parents who are in college but they either have their home bought, or are happy renting, we have to move in two years either way so we'd rather buy, but that does mean dropping out overall.

i just don't know what to do, i want to be a good mom but what does that mean? having an education? or being there? what do other parents think?

With the greatest respect, I think you are absolutely crazy to give up your education for potentially 10 years. If you and your partner stick it out for only another two years, you will be qualified and then (hopefully!) have two wages coming into the house.

What happens if you get a mortgage and your partner loses his job? Redundancy pay will only last so long. If you were renting and it happened while you are still in college, you could move to smaller accommodation. Sure it would be cramped but it would be a short term solution. You can't just downsize when you have a mortgage.

It sounds like you have made up your mind but please think about the long term consequences of this carefully.

December2012

Can you explain to me why deferring for one year means you'll be back five years?

Separately - look at getting a childminder instead of your mothers. Why pay for after school if they're not going to bring her and do what you want anyway?

A childminder may charge €5 an hour, and could be flexible with you if you have college days that you finish early.

Is studying part time an option?

pwurple

Your child is 5, and starting school. This is exactly the time a lot of stay at home mums start looking for jobs, and starting back to college. You are talking about doing the opposite... Giving up now. I don't get the logic. The acadmic year matches the school year. It's perfect. Even if you don't go to work for a few years after that, at least you have the qualification.

Going back in ten years is not an option with college courses, you would have to start all over again. Why flush the last two (expensive) years of work down the toilet?

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Can you explain to me why deferring for one year means you'll be back five years?

well we were thinking of deferring the year, see how it goes, and if financials still don't allow for me to go back then i won't be able to defer again. i might be able to go back next year. its a gamble

December2012 wrote: »

Separately - look at getting a childminder instead of your mothers. Why pay for after school if they're not going to bring her and do what you want anyway?

we were going to use after school there because she knows the people she likes it and if we are working they will keep her until 6, with a child-minder the thought would be why pay someone to do what i can do myself?

December2012 wrote: »

Is studying part time an option?

it is if i change to a different degree, i'm not opposed to that idea and i have two weeks or a year to decided if i want to do that i am looking into my options. plus if i do, it would be a a shorter course so i would still qualify in 3 or 4 years, after studying part time or deferring a year and going back. it's looking like the best option tbh

pwurple wrote: »

Your child is 5, and starting school. This is exactly the time a lot of stay at home mums start looking for jobs, and starting back to college. You are talking about doing the opposite... Giving up now. I don't get the logic. The acadmic year matches the school year. It's perfect. Even if you don't go to work for a few years after that, at least you have the qualification.

i know other stay at home mums usually start looking for work, but i was a stay at home mum for 3 years, and i miss it, i know it's different now but spending the summer holidays with her just reminds me of how much i am missing out on. i don't want to miss any more,

the academic year does not match the school year she will have midterms we don't get which means missing two weeks of college, she'll have random days off and half days which means i will last minute have to miss days/half days, and the academic times don't work either with her finishing at 1pm and me at 5pm or 6pm?

pwurple wrote: »

Going back in ten years is not an option with college courses, you would have to start all over again. Why flush the last two (expensive) years of work down the toilet?

because it means in lieu of them getting to be there for my daughter, getting to collect her from school, bring her to afterschool activities (like birthday parties, sports..etc), meaning we have proper dinners on the table every night, meaning we can afford a better day to day life,

we don't need two salaries, we don't need to have both of us out working, we are lucky in that respect, my husband has said he would prefer me to stay at home, he always thought his wife would but he will (and does) support me no matter what i decide,