Crushes on people with whom a relationship wouldn't work

LegacyUser

I'm a guy in my mid-twenties, and have currently entered into a new employment situation. There is a girl who I have, after a short period of time, developed quite strong feelings for.

Now, I am aware that what I am currently experiencing is a crush. I know it isn't 'love', because I do not know this person long enough or well enough for it to be love. I know it is temporary. But that still doesn't stop it being very difficult to be around her. It isn't that I am lustful towards her, or even view her in a sexual way. It's more that I am struck by her beauty, and also by her personality. She is kind. She is funny. She is, in many ways, the life and soul of the party. It is her natural disposition to be affectionate.

I feel a strange combination of joy to be in her presence, but also a gut-wrenching feeling of what is unattainable.

Also, we are very different people. Our interests are different. Our time outside of work is spent doing different things. I am confident that a relationship wouldn't work. I know there are people here who will probably think "don't be so pessimistic", but this is more a case of realism than pessimism.

And I wouldn't want to change completely to align my interests with hers. I would rather be with someone similarly-minded.

I don't really know why I'm posting this here, other than to simply get my feelings down on the page and out of my head. Maybe if I heard of people with similar experiences, it would help.

thefeatheredcat

Temporary Guest wrote: »

Ibut also a gut-wrenching feeling of what is unattainable.

That stuck out for me OP. I'm not sure what you are looking for in a way of response, but it does seem like you are focusing on this girl and the aspect of a relationship with her being an impossibility..... yet at the same time you'd prefer to be with someone similar minded to yourself..... which in a funny way by focusing on this crush, you are denying yourself ever meeting.

It's fine to admire someone and see good in their personality. But I think you are slightly getting carried away as though you are putting her on a pedestal and that a relationship would never happen because you're too different and she's not what you want anyway. Even if you've different interests, there's always some common ground that you might not know about. But in any case, she isn't what you want anyway. It is possible that you might see qualities or attributes in her that you deem desirable and would like to have yourself, or that you already have and can't quite see it.

I'm not sure what you want to get out of posting, but the only advice I can provide is that you're new to this company, start meeting new people and steer your focus away from this crush and, really forget about her and focus on meeting someone outside of work who is, by your perception, more what you want and attainable. Maybe you just need to also step outside yourself and see that maybe you too, also have positive and desirable qualities similar to this girl's that often you don't give yourself credit for having?

Lou.m

Temporary Guest wrote: »

I'm a guy in my mid-twenties, and have currently entered into a new employment situation. There is a girl who I have, after a short period of time, developed quite strong feelings for.

Now, I am aware that what I am currently experiencing is a crush. I know it isn't 'love', because I do not know this person long enough or well enough for it to be love. I know it is temporary. But that still doesn't stop it being very difficult to be around her. It isn't that I am lustful towards her, or even view her in a sexual way. It's more that I am struck by her beauty, and also by her personality. She is kind. She is funny. She is, in many ways, the life and soul of the party. It is her natural disposition to be affectionate.

I feel a strange combination of joy to be in her presence, but also a gut-wrenching feeling of what is unattainable.

Also, we are very different people. Our interests are different. Our time outside of work is spent doing different things. I am confident that a relationship wouldn't work. I know there are people here who will probably think "don't be so pessimistic", but this is more a case of realism than pessimism.

And I wouldn't want to change completely to align my interests with hers. I would rather be with someone similarly-minded.

I don't really know why I'm posting this here, other than to simply get my feelings down on the page and out of my head. Maybe if I heard of people with similar experiences, it would help.

You seem to have made your mind up that you don't want to be in a relationship with her. I respect that.

Will these feelings subside? ...not necessarily...I know people who have carried a torch for years for people.

You are attracted to her and her personality. Yet you are very different. Perhaps it's also the difference that is important. Maybe she balances out yourself in some way.

I have never thought I would want to align my interests and mind with someone else either and have still dated people different to me.


Don't think of her as unattainable ...she is not a trophy..she is a person with feelings ...and you two are equal...but different. Maybe you could compliment each other.

One thing is you will HAVE to respect each others differences. And you must remember that.

Maybe you could teach her new things. Or maybe just hang out! If it is there it's there ...you can't deny it or it will bite ya!

Why don't you feel you could accept her as she is? Or do you think she could not accept you?

Could you do neutral stuff? Can you support her interests and she yours?

If you decide you really only want to be with someone whose mind is like yours yet your heart decides otherwise that is going to be difficult for you. You will have to live with it and work it out. You are going to see her in this company.

I don't understand if you admire her yet she is not what you want?? Puzzled?? What do you want? Do you have some tiresome list? You know you could get the list and not the feelings.

It is up to you. I should not persuade you.

Maybe you should get to know her.....maybe she has more to reveal who knows.

If you reject her though i think you end up rejecting the part of you that has feelings for her.

What is the type of person you want? Why have you not met them and fallen for that type of person?

Maybe work out why you are feeling this way and why. Maybe you just love her as a friend??? Maybe she will be a good life friend??

I don't know.


If you are certain it would not work....well I think you have to simply not ask her out etc. It is not like you have to do something. Don't do anything.

Your post is confusing. I understand people from different cultures, politics etc or backgrounds can find it tough. But not different interests. I know couples who are very different who do get along. Even people from different cultures and with diff opinions can be drawn to each other if they try to make it work. I dunno.

But If your head tells you that you should be with a certain type ...or maybe society does I don't know.

Maybe just enjoy being her friend then? I dunno.

Also she is kind funny etc ...so what are you looking for dull and mean???

I think if you are letting fears decide that is a mistake....if you desire someone else though then your heart does not really want her. Your feelings will trump you though and a lot of the time people end up realizing this way too late. If you wait a few months or a year and you STILL have strong feelings what would you feel?

Sleepless and Manic

Temporary Guest wrote: »

I don't really know why I'm posting this here, other than to simply get my feelings down on the page and out of my head. Maybe if I heard of people with similar experiences, it would help.

I totally understand. A workplace crush.

I had one for around six years once. She was amazing and we got on really well and worked really well together too. It was like we were good friends but only at work. Never any interaction out of work, but at work we were a team.

Many many days she would be the main reason I went to work. I altered my schedule so ours would coordinate many times. Holidays when she was gone were an ordeal.

There was no romance and no thought of it because we were both attached, it was really just an innocent work thing.

Circumstances changed and I moved on eventually, but we still keep in touch, but rarely.

Sleepless and Manic

Temporary Guest wrote: »

Also, we are very different people. Our interests are different. Our time outside of work is spent doing different things.

Hmmm. I'm an incurable romantic so I dont see that as a negative.

I think a lot of really successful relationships are when they bring very different people together. Thats the magic of it.