Wedding ceremony options - not religious

CBFi

Hi all,

We're atheist and want to get married in a secular ceremony. Am I right in saying that our options are civil ceremony or humanist? Ideally we'd like to get married on a Saturday so we were thinking humanist. However, we're not too keen on the paragraph they include saying what humanism is. Does every celebrant include this part?

Another reason why we wanted to go with a humanist ceremony is because we want something special and personal and not quick and official.

How much can you personalise a civil ceremony? We'd like readings and music etc.

Thanks for the help. Hope everyone is enjoying the planning!

January

Spiritualist too, Tom Colton being one such.

You can do whatever you want during a civil ceremony within reason, have your own choice of music, poems, readings etc, a sand ceremony, hand fasting etc.

snickerpuss

We're having a humanist ceremony. The sample ceremonies we were given include the explanation of humanism but we were told everything was optional, if you don't want it in I can't imagine it would be a problem.

I think I will use a bit of the explanation for all my relatives who are a little suspicious of the whole humanism thing!

lazygal

January wrote: »

Spiritualist too, Tom Colton being one such.

You can do whatever you want during a civil ceremony within reason, have your own choice of music, poems, readings etc, a sand ceremony, hand fasting etc.

Spiritualist weddings are religious. Civil ceremony celebrants have to approve readings and music. Humanist weddings are secular and we found the celebrant will leave out or include whatever the couple wants.

Gatica

lazygal wrote: »

Spiritualist weddings are religious.

Yes, unfortunately this is true. However, before Humanists were available that was the only option on a weekend for a non-religious ceremony. Luckily they're very flexible in how they do the ceremony and you can choose to leave out any mention of spirits, gods, spiritualism, etc... It is another option to consider if you're not specifically against religion in general.
I'd imagine Humanists would likely also accommodate you and leave out mentions of their humanist beliefs.

lazygal

Gatica wrote: »

Yes, unfortunately this is true. However, before Humanists were available that was the only option on a weekend for a non-religious ceremony. Luckily they're very flexible in how they do the ceremony and you can choose to leave out any mention of spirits, gods, spiritualism, etc... It is another option to consider if you're not specifically against religion in general.
I'd imagine Humanists would likely also accommodate you and leave out mentions of their humanist beliefs.

The OP said they wanted a secular ceremony. Only humanists do secular ceremonies. I'm not against religion in general, but we didn't want a religious ceremony done by the Spiritualist Union (they have some questionable beliefs IMO).

CBFi

Thanks all. Good to hear it may be possible to remove that paragraph-the humanist celebrant we were in contact with said it wasn't!

I suppose there's always a civil ceremony if I wanted to change to a Friday wedding. Just really don't want a non-romantic, lacklustre ceremony!

Typer Monkey

Civil ceremonies don't have to be lack lustre. In the HSE officiated ones there's scope for readings and music (non religious obviously) and you can write your own vows if you wish. You can also do a candle ceremony. If you book early enough the registrar will come to your venue to perform the ceremony so you're not limited to the registry office.

I booked in January for an October wedding. The registrar is coming to the venue and the ceremony will be at half 3. We've picked out some nice quirky poems as readings, are going to do the candle ceremony (but no customised vows. I wouldn't be able to keep it together tbh!) and are having nice traditional Irish music played by a band. We didn't want any sand pouring or hand fastening so this is suiting us down to the ground. Just an option to consider. It's not the staid, officious ceremony you might imagine.

CBFi

Thanks typer monkey. You've put my fears to rest about the civil ceremony option.

I'll do more research!

ixoy

I've been to two humanist-presided marriages and thought both were far more intimate and romantic than any Church-based marriage. There was only a couple of lines about what the humanists represented and it was not a sales pitch - it was very brief and inclusive. I would not let that bit put you off at all.

Both of the ministers I saw were very nice, put people at their ease and the readings, poems, words were all about the couple.

For what it's worth, my friend went with the humanist ceremony because - although you can tailor the civil ceremony you can't shape it to nearly the same degree (or length) as a humanist ceremony.

Tdoyle

We have had two family weddings in the last two years (we are not at all a religious family). One was a Humanist Ceremony and one was a Registrar Wedding in Dublin. Both were exactly what the couples wanted, very special,very personal, very moving. I would highly recommend either. In both cases the person performing the ceremony spent a lot of time with the couple getting it exactly right for them

RH149

I was at a civil ceremony a few years back and instead of readings one of the brides sisters read a Shakesperean Sonnet which was really lovely and a friend of the groom read another poem - forget the name now but remember at the time thinking that I actually paid attention to the poems and their meaning whereas I probably wouldn't really have noticed or focussed on the readings in a traditional religious Wedding Mass.


Although it wasn't spiritual I felt the whole wedding was far more meaningful. The surroundings of a Registry office might be off putting but if you can get a Registrar to come to your chosen location you can make a civil ceremony really lovely.

mailforkev

Had a humanist wedding last year.

The celebrant (who was excellent, commented on by all) gave us some sample ceremonies to look at and gets ideas from but in the end I pretty much wrote it myself.

I put nothing in it about humanism so that's deffo not a requirement.

eyescreamcone

We had a Unitarian ceremony a few years back. Very personal - no mention of gods etc. At the time choices were limited as the humanists hadn't the power yet.

A number of people have said to me since "loved your humanist ceremony".
I just let it go now. Nobody pays attention I reckon 
Go for what you like and enjoy the day.

Dub_Guy

For those interested in Handfasting try Googling for "phoenixhandfastingdublin"...all one word.

Handfastings are very moving and personal as they may be tailored to suit the couple's needs.

Krissy1983

I am getting married in Oct 2015.

We are at early stages of planning... We would like to have hand fasting and sand ceremony included in our ceremony. Can these be included in a Civil ceremony done through HSE .We are getting married in same hotel we are having the reception.

We are sure what you can and can't have included in civil ceremonies ... where can you find that out? Where would you find more details on humanist ceremony also? Seriously have no clue about all this lol.

Tdoyle

Krissy1983 wrote: »

I am getting married in Oct 2015.


We are at early stages of planning... We would like to have hand fasting and sand ceremony included in our ceremony. Can these be included in a Civil ceremony done through HSE .We are getting married in same hotel we are having the reception.

We are sure what you can and can't have included in civil ceremonies ... where can you find that out? Where would you find more details on humanist ceremony also? Seriously have no clue about all this lol.

Go to Humanism.ie. You will get all the information there. My Son and his wife had a humanist ceremony outdoors in a forest and the Humanist did everything to make sure it was very special

Krissy1983

Thanks for your help. any idea of cost for humanist cermony

Tdoyle

Krissy1983 wrote: »

Thanks for your help. any idea of cost for humanist cermony

Not sure to be honest but it wouldnt have been mad expensive as they were on quite a tight budget. email them and email hse.ie/go/marriage for details of cost of civil wedding. Then you can make your comparisons. I know from when my other son was booking a registrar last year they went to book in January 2013 and the first available Friday in Dublin was November 2013 (they had wanted earlier) so do your research and book something sooner rather than later

ClubDead

Krissy1983 wrote: »

Thanks for your help. any idea of cost for humanist cermony

It cost 450euro. If you are thinking of having a humanist wedding next year I would start booking a humanist now! I just booked one for June next year, and I was very lucky to get one.....most are booked up for the summer months and one is booked up for all of 2015! :eek:

Daisy Dalzer

We had a humanist ceremony in February this year. It took place in our hotel with songs throughout..
Format was basically:
Music/ Walk down the aisle
Introduction from humanist celebrant- (we opted not to have the humanist explanation- as while humanism is quite close to our beliefs we don't identify ourselves that way..)
Lighting of candles- our mothers lit a candle each to represent our families and We both lit our new joint candle from these.
1st reading (a Yeats poem)
Music
2nd reading-a poem about marriage - not mention of God)..
then vows, and exchange of rings
Music while Signing of the register- photos
Reflection Poem on marriage- 5 verses read by family members and friends
Closing words
Recessional..

I think our humanist celebrant charged us €415... she met with us once in advance and was very helpful by email. Many people commented on how lovely she was and how personal the whole thing was.. for the vast majority- including ourselves- it was the first non Catholic wedding we had been to..

Krissy1983

As regards the HSE ceremonies , can you have a sand ceremony and personal readings and music? I am totally clueless.

Tdoyle

Krissy1983 wrote: »

As regards the HSE ceremonies , can you have a sand ceremony and personal readings and music? I am totally clueless.

You can certainly have personal readings, music etc. you really need to make a list of all your questions and start emailing to get info I think or make an appointment to see them. The sooner you get answers from the Registrar and the Humanist you can make your plans. But you really will have to book something sooner rather than later if you want to be sure of your date. Once you have the date booked you can sort out all the other details. They are well used to helping couples put together the perfect ceremony for themselves

Wabbit Ears

Isnt humanism an actual religion, abeit one without a God? I question why someone would have a humanist ceremony if they are not a humanist?

Its like a catholic having a protestant ceremony because its kinda the same...ish

lazygal

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Isnt humanism an actual religion, abeit one without a God? I question why someone would have a humanist ceremony if they are not a humanist?

Its like a catholic having a protestant ceremony because its kinda the same...ish

No, it's a philosophy. We had a humanist because humanism reflects our philosophy. I've yet to meet a Catholic who had a Catholic ceremony but didn't use contraception or had sex before marriage or did not believe most of the teaching of the Faith but no one bats an eyelid at the a la carte brigade. Humanist ceremonies are also available on weekends and are more flexible in content than hse ones.


Also humanist weddings are classed as secular not religious.

CBFi

Hey Krissy1983. It's SO confusing. There is no concrete detailed info anywhere! I found some of the Humanist Celebrants that I dealt with by email regarding availability to be quite rude and unhelpful although I did get some sample ceremonies from one person.

My experience with booking a civil registrar was great-the person on the phone was so helpful and we have an appointment to meet with the registrar and discuss the ceremony.

I think the Humanist ceremony is more flexible but like others have said, they are already booking for 2016 and many are booked out for 2015 so start contacting them.

Oh, and if you find some info, pass it on to this confused bride!

CBFi

Krissy1983 wrote: »

As regards the HSE ceremonies , can you have a sand ceremony and personal readings and music? I am totally clueless.

Apols, on this point, you can definitely have music and readings-within their assigned schedule (with no mention of a god) but I'm still unsure of sand ceremony, lighting candles etc. We're v interested in lighting the candles but sand ceremony wouldn't be for us.

Tdoyle

CBFi wrote: »

Apols, on this point, you can definitely have music and readings-within their assigned schedule (with no mention of a god) but I'm still unsure of sand ceremony, lighting candles etc. We're v interested in lighting the candles but sand ceremony wouldn't be for us.

If it helps at all another of my sons got married in a civil ceremony in City Hall and they lit candles.They also did the handfasting and passing the wedding ring around the guests.

Wabbit Ears

lazygal wrote: »

No, it's a philosophy. We had a humanist because humanism reflects our philosophy. I've yet to meet a Catholic who had a Catholic ceremony but didn't use contraception or had sex before marriage or did not believe most of the teaching of the Faith but no one bats an eyelid at the a la carte brigade. Humanist ceremonies are also available on weekends and are more flexible in content than hse ones.


Also humanist weddings are classed as secular not religious.

so, basically, exactly what I said...

lazygal

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

so, basically, exactly what I said...

But it's not a religion or a religious ceremony. It's secular. It's not like Catholicism or Protestantism.

pooch90

We had a spiritualist ceremony two weeks ago and it was gorgeous.
No mention of anything from their beliefs, we mentioned our fathers having passed and lit a candle but that was our choice.
It was actually Tom Colton's dad that did it for us. He was just lovely.

We had originally booked the Humanists but we just got so frustrated with all their chopping and changing about the status of outdoor ceremonies (I know they were bound but the attitude stank) and I rang Tom in a flap with 2 months to go and he was just so helpful.
His dad was brilliant and gave us free reign over everything.
Because of distance issues, the first time I met him was at the wedding but he came out to introduce himself and was just so lovely.

I was sceptical when we started planning about the Spiritualists but found them much more approachable and friendly than the humanist celebrant we had originally booked. Delighted we changed now.

For the poster that mentioned they didn't think the sand ceremony was for them,we didn't either but the spiritualist had it included in the price and we just went with it. It was actually so nice and our vase of sand will be something we treasure in our home forever. Our celebrant suggested we seal the top of it with wax and out a little candle votive sitting in it, which would be lovely. What I think we are going to do is seal it,then when we have kids, get them to layer their own sand on top again.