Want to quit my wine habit

SoapFan27

Hi,

Bit nervous about posting. I've felt the way I feel today a few times over recent years but this time I am very determined to do something about my wine drinking.

I have gotten into the habit of drinking wine at home at least 4 nights a week and it's driving me mad. I think and look forward to it way too much and although I don't always over-drink, I just feel crap about it the next day that I can't just have a cup of tea in the evenings instead. I have a hangover today after drinking a bottle of wine last night and really just feel crap about myself and the damage I am doing to my body.

I have tried to cut down before and it doesn't work for me so really think I should try and give up altogether. I need to come up with different reward systems in the evening times and weekends, after my daughter goes to bed at 7. Any tips?

My hubby likes to drink too and I've brought it up about cutting way back a few times but we never stick to it. I'm not going to nag him to copy me but I'm thinking I will ask him not to get wine, just to have beers in the house as I don't drink them.

Feels a bit daunting at the moment, don't feel like I can actually make this happen, would love any feedback from ppl, any words of encouragement or of your own experiences. Thanks.

Sunnyisland

Hiya Its not easy to give up alcohol,but being honest with yourself is a step in the right direction,Once i took full responsibility for me being an alcoholic/abusive unhappy drinker and it being no one elses fault did i start to heal.What is a plan, and how do I get one???

I have made the suggestion to people here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
Spending a significant amount of time here or other like minded websites, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
Going to AA meetings
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

Good luck soap fan and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.

SoapFan27

Thank you so much for your substantial reply. I get what you are saying about not just wishing for something to happen/change, I have to get a proper plan together and make it happen. I'll read this again later when I have more time and take it from there. Appreciate it!

LeonardNelson

SoapFan27 wrote: »

Hi,

Bit nervous about posting. I've felt the way I feel today a few times over recent years but this time I am very determined to do something about my wine drinking.

I have gotten into the habit of drinking wine at home at least 4 nights a week and it's driving me mad. I think and look forward to it way too much and although I don't always over-drink, I just feel crap about it the next day that I can't just have a cup of tea in the evenings instead. I have a hangover today after drinking a bottle of wine last night and really just feel crap about myself and the damage I am doing to my body.

I have tried to cut down before and it doesn't work for me so really think I should try and give up altogether. I need to come up with different reward systems in the evening times and weekends, after my daughter goes to bed at 7. Any tips?

My hubby likes to drink too and I've brought it up about cutting way back a few times but we never stick to it. I'm not going to nag him to copy me but I'm thinking I will ask him not to get wine, just to have beers in the house as I don't drink them.

Feels a bit daunting at the moment, don't feel like I can actually make this happen, would love any feedback from ppl, any words of encouragement or of your own experiences. Thanks.

Congratulation for taking the courage to quit drinking. Your now taking the first step. I wish you all the luck to achieve your plans. It'll be not easy for sure but letting you know that you're not alone and many has been through your phase and they've been succeeded. Dont give up.

SoapFan27

Thanks Leonard, it's so nice to read that message this morning.

I'm feeling really positive so far. After I wrote that initial post Saturday evening, things have been going well. I went out for a meal with my hubby and for the first time since I was pregnant a few years ago, I had no wine with the meal. To be honest, it did feel a bit strange even though we don't eat out alot these days, hard to describe really but we had a lovely walk after instead of heading to the pub and woke up sunday morning feeling really good.

Went for a walk last night and picked up a bar of chocolate and had that with some tea, instead of my usual glasses of wine. I love sunday evening drinks but didn't find it difficult, although I know it's early days. Heading out for an exercise class tonight and going to go to the library tomorrow, trying to do what realies suggested and plan ahead.

My hubby has been supportive too, I told him how I was feeling and he agreed that we're drinking too much, so he wants to quit at home drinking too. He left for work today with a big smile as it's the first Monday in a long time that he's had such a good sleep and no grogginess from alcohol.

I've gotten dietary supplements also and I put on a necklace I haven't worn in a long time as a symbol of making a fresh start.

Hopefully if I keep planning ahead, it will become the new habit that I don't drink at home anymore.

Realies you suggested hypnosis and meditation, if you or anyone here has any recommendations about where I could find out more about these I would appreciate it. I came across one site but it was hypnosis to create someone who could drink in moderation, i really don't think that's me, I've tried to moderate before and it doesn't work.

My next big challenge ahead is social occasions including a wedding. I'm hoping if I continue this way, that by the time the first thing arrives I'm feeling quite strong about it and hopefully still motivated and positive!!

I'm sure I'm experiencing the novelty of it so far, it's very early days but I'm going to try and keep putting the great advice here into practice and hopefully I can achieve what I hope to!! Thanks

LeonardNelson

Great to know that everything's going well. See, even you convinced your husband. That one great achievement on your side. Its a good idea that your looking for other food and activities to divert your attention. But not too much with the chocolate, they're sweet. Dark chocolate tastes better to me. And dont ever fall with the temptation. Keep the optimistic attitude.

SoapFan27

Thanks Leonard, good idea about the chocolate!!

SoapFan27

Well it's 1 week since I made my first post above and haven't touched a drop of alcohol. It's been strange. I haven't had very strong cravings or weak moments but I feel a bit off. There's a little voice at the back of my head saying ' this is just a little detox break isn't it?' or 'sure why not just have a few drinks at the wedding next month' and most persistent one is ' sure if you stop drinking at home, you can have drinks at social occasions as you don't have them too often so what's the biggie?'

I'm still feeling pretty strong and positive but think I secretly hope to become a 'social drinker'...worried about that!!

Sunnyisland

SoapFan27 wrote: »

Well it's 1 week since I made my first post above and haven't touched a drop of alcohol. It's been strange. I haven't had very strong cravings or weak moments but I feel a bit off. There's a little voice at the back of my head saying ' this is just a little detox break isn't it?' or 'sure why not just have a few drinks at the wedding next month' and most persistent one is ' sure if you stop drinking at home, you can have drinks at social occasions as you don't have them too often so what's the biggie?'

I'm still feeling pretty strong and positive but think I secretly hope to become a 'social drinker'...worried about that!!

First well done on your first week,great achivement .2nd don't be worrying about anything to father ahead,deal with today or tonight as you are now,That little voice will be there for a wee while pushing and shoving you back to have just that one,put it on ignore.

Don't forget to get your plan together as the more better you feel the more temptation comes your way just for that first one.keep posting and well done again.

SoapFan27

Thanks realies, really appreciate the reply. I think that's a really good idea not to think too far ahead, just focus on the day ahead which has worked so far. I have been putting some of your ideas into practice like the exercise, supplements, going onto like minded websites which are all definitely helping.

It makes sense what you are saying that as I start to feel really good/strong, I will be more likely to say I'll just have a few drinks on such a night. Need to keep focusing on the good things about no alcohol such as having a clear head today as opposed to a hangover this time last week!!

I'm reading Alan Carr's book on alcohol and have seen a recommendation on Jason Vale's one so going to get that too.

Really helpful being able to post here. Thanks!

LeonardNelson

i would like to congratulate you again on your first week. You've became a really good fighter against alcohol. Cheers to that with a glass without wine. Keep it up!