Find relationships hard

paulcommons

Hi,

Basically been seeing a lovely girl for about 15 months, she's one of the nicest sweetest people one could wish to meet and she loves me to bits.

My problem is that after I broke up with my ex girlfriend a few years ago I went a little wild to say the least, partied every weekend and slept with lots of women for about 2 years(dont worry i regularly got tested) So i decided enough was enough when I met this girl. Problem is in the last few months I've craved being single again, I'm constantly checking out girls all the time, I havent cheated but the urge is there all the time, the last thing i want to do is hurt this girl, is it time to put an end to this relationship based on what I have just said?

curlzy

If you're feeling such an urge and it's not controllable then either get into counselling and figure out how to deal with it or break up. TBH I'd imagine you're better off breaking up because you wouldn't even want to cheat if she was the girl for you. You only mention she loves you, not that you love her which is pretty telling.

buddy22

You are probably going to get a lot of female advice telling you to break up with this girl because (shock horror) you find other women attractive and feel the urge to cheat.

I think the new sheen is probably just coming off the relationship, some of the early excitement is gone and you are looking to replace it with someone else. This is a normal phase of a relationship for men I believe. Don't be surprised that if you do break up with this girl that you find yourself in the same position with the next girl you meet.

You need to figure out if this girl is worth the sacrifice of remaining faithful to and enjoying all the good things that come with that commitment. Otherwise do her a favour and let her find someone who wants give her that.

paulcommons

I do love here and I've realised I'd miss her alot if I breakup with her but I've also realised that if I do breakup with her maybe the same thing will happen with the next girl.

I suppose I'm just struggling to stay with the one woman, we're early thirties and she has said that she wants babies and marriage and I froze

buddy22

[quote= she has said that she wants babies and marriage and I froze [/quote]

This might well be the root of your urges. It's not so much that you want to sleep around but it's your fear of a big commitment? Your subconsciously looking for and exit plan.

Many men have, and will continue to, struggle with this same issue. And many men have realised that the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

My advice is to take your time and consider the consequences of any decisions you make carefully, she sounds like a lovely girl and they are hard to find.

Best of luck OP!

Alf. A. Male

Don't throw in the towel. I'm guessing you're not fully over your ex as you didn't deal with it too well and some counselling might sort that and let you and your girlfriend get the best out of what you have.

Lou.m

paulcommons wrote: »

Hi,

Basically been seeing a lovely girl for about 15 months, she's one of the nicest sweetest people one could wish to meet and she loves me to bits.

My problem is that after I broke up with my ex girlfriend a few years ago I went a little wild to say the least, partied every weekend and slept with lots of women for about 2 years(dont worry i regularly got tested) So i decided enough was enough when I met this girl. Problem is in the last few months I've craved being single again, I'm constantly checking out girls all the time, I havent cheated but the urge is there all the time, the last thing i want to do is hurt this girl, is it time to put an end to this relationship based on what I have just said?

I think a lot of people who have lived the lifestyle you have in the past cannot then fully be satisfied in a relationship.

I think you have to accept you are going to hurt this girl. SO do it as honestly as you can and give it a clean break.

I think of it this way ...people have flavours...some of us experience a variety of flavors with just one person..and some only experience this variety with many and cannot be satisfied with one.

I think most people who have led extremely hedonistic sexual lives are not compatible with with monogamous types. And I think some are fooled into thinking that is necessary. You have to lead the life you are suited to.

Generally men who have been players will start to feel as you do.

I think you need to be fair to her. Tell her everything you have just written. I would not ever want to be in her position.
You are not happy. And you should do what you need to to be happy. Married life is not for everyone.

Don't feel bad for being who you are. Feel bad though if you are trying to be who you are not.

Monogamy should not feel like a prison or a punishment. Yes you will be attracted to others. But you really seem to be lacking the previous outlet you had of expressing that part of you. Maybe it is a part of who you are?